Based on the thread about a father's concern for his son being able to make friends with white people, I examined my own life
When i really thought about it, I have to confess that I have few friends that are of colour - brown, black or other.
I am friendly with everyone but have developed parameters for friends before I get close. I have one black acquaintance, one Pakastani
Neve thought about it before though. We live now and make our choices now.
As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”
Growing up in San Antonio TX, I had a lot of hispanic friends. It was just part and parcel. I loved that their families were large and tight as mine was the opposite. My first boyfriend was hispanic and I even lived in Mexico for a time as a young woman. I recall that there were only two black students throughout my public schooling there and both were children of household help. Every household in my neighborhood had one or two maids who did not speak English. Just the way it was in those times there. Up until I retired from a university setting, I had friends and acquaintances of all colors. Not so much here in Colorado and I miss that.
I just want to say.....I learned not to cast stones a long time ago. For the record, I’m not a racist. I was once a pig, however.
Razz, maybe you should start with, how many close friends do you have?
Close friends, I think needs better defining.
Good question! As others have mentioned, proximity creates friendships but not close friends. Different friends over the years have helped me refine the ore of my being and then moved on but their presence stays with me.Originally Posted by ToomuchStuff
My parameters for close friends and reciprocated include freedom to think for myself and share those thoughts without being judged even if very different than theirs; being open emotionally; sharing challenges knowing that their support and love are there and they remind me of my strengths to deal with those challenges;
Some close friends have changed due to their new relationships that change their circle of friends. One white male in particular comes to mind.
Another close friend simply sits with me when I am emotionally hurting and gives me strength and support. She also gives me insights into what my need might be - eg., she stressed to me that whatever new home I chose after my DH's passing with " I cannot imagine you without a garden" and she was right. We share thoughts and challenges freely.
A group of 7 women share everything going on in their lives knowing that insights will be gained into understanding the challenges from diverse perspectives. We have made amazing discoveries in understanding and coping with fears for the world, our family and our future.
Another friend is available at short notice for whatever need arises as has happened. We are very different in our view of life.
One friend and I share spiritual insights and support at a totally different level than with anyone else. I know when she needs me and simply go to her.
I have a walking friend who has an extensive family, stable life-long residence in the same community but is confident enough to share freely knowing that nothing will ever be judged or discussed elsewhere. It has been interesting to see this develop resulting in mutual trust and acceptance.
So at the end of the day, beyond my family as others have mentioned, close friends are 'dear hearts' to me, loving me, accepting me and including me in their worlds without reserve as I do them. That usually takes time but not always.
As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”
That is not a definition I would have used. By that standard, I guess I have lots of close friends with the things that have been shared.
In my mind, I would have an issue coming up with a best man, let alone groomsmen if I was getting married.
Clarify this please. Too many to choose from or not feeling comfortable with any particular one? Maybe I don't understand the challenge of choosing a best man. Some best man choices last a long time but others are short-term as are bridesmaids.
Had a delightful experience of knowing a best man being a woman and both the marriage and friendship thrived in comfort.
As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”
I have few "close" friends never have had close friends. Really it all depended where I lived. Growing up in the north we had zero other than white at our public schools. 18 moving to San Antonio I was the only white girl waiting tables most the time, so for those couple years all my friends were of Mexican descent. Living in TN for a few years it was a very mixed area so all friends were of assorted races.
Back in the north again, well it's just the area we live. I found all the people I have ever became friends with all shared the same interests or spot in life as I did.
A friend's father was a cop. When I was a kid he would say: "Pig stands for Pride, Integrity, and Generosity."
I have very very few close friends outside my immediate family.
One is female and white, and my best friend in the whole world - our mothers worked in the same OB ward, and each helped deliver the other. Basically my favorite sister.
Two are male, and Jewish, and white. (I had three in this category, but one died just a year ago, my high school roommate, who had become a rabbi, and who was a really cool fellow.)
One is black, and from NYC.
One is Chinese.
One is from Vermont. White, but inbred.
One is a Democrat. And Navajo.
One is from Guam, and whatever color Guamanians are.
These are all friends who would drop everything to come help me bury a body :-)
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