Page 4 of 4 FirstFirst ... 234
Results 31 to 37 of 37

Thread: My counselor canceled our appointment

  1. #31
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    1,275
    I should have clarified: I saw the counselor last year five times. I don't know...maybe that's not enough time to know whether anything is going to work? A lot of information-gathering was going on on her part--I'll say this: She's a great listener.

    I am pretty sure spouse never had any kind of disability policy with anyone. He was self-employed for many years and never paid into any kind of policy. He also did factory work for some pretty awful places (that are now out of business). He never belonged to a professional association, and neither do I. There are lots of lawyers around here that will do a free consultation. Also, one of my best friends is a lawyer. She recommended we go straight to the SSDI office.



    Quote Originally Posted by SteveinMN View Post
    As I read these posts, I kept thinking that I've learned "pain is not a stopping point".

    At this point I see nothing to lose with sitting down with DH and, as Float On said, putting things in "I" terms. Perhaps you'll find the combination of words that either clarifies the situation in your mind -- or in DH's. If it accomplishes nothing, you've spent a little time but are you any worse off?

    Ditto with the free counselor. While the first meeting may not have inspired, perhaps talking with her will identify common threads or insights which now are hidden behind layers. In the end, it's free except for your time. Until you can find another counseling resource, I don't think getting what you can out of this one really hurts.

    I agree with the others that at least applying for disability income is worthwhile given the length of time it takes. Is it possible DH was ever covered under a private disability policy with one of his construction employers? Do either of you belong to any affinity groups ("American Construction and Home Engineers Society") from which you could get benefits even as simple as a discount for counseling or a free hour with a lawyer/paralegal? Does Your County offer anything like that? Is that kind of research something DH could do at home while you work?

    I feel for you, frugalone. You and DH have been pummeled with double- and triple-whammies. I get that, after a while, it seems impossible to get up again. But it does not sound like you can continue for long on the current path. Time to make at least the progress that you can.

  2. #32
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    1,275
    Thank you for your good wishes. I do imagine what it might be like to be on my own. I no longer imagine a job I would enjoy because I'm pretty sure there is no such animal. I had one job in 30+ years that I really loved. ONE. And even that went south. I don't think I'm the sort of person who enjoys working. Sad but true.

    DH would always be a worry to me. I'm not going to go into more of his history here but he has had a pretty traumatic life. I do seriously worry about him becoming homeless. Yes, I know it's not my job to "take care of him." But I often wonder about the "in sickness and in health" part of marriage vows. I don't think this is some sort of a game he's playing with me. There is an illness at work here. And you can't force someone to seek treatment for it. I struggle with this all the time.

    When I think about the things we've been through, and the things we still enjoy together, I don't feel ready to move on. This is a man who held my hand while a doctor put 42 stitches in my face after I was bitten by a dog. He was a pallbearer for my father. He nursed our pet rabbit back to health when the vet said there was no hope whatsoever.

    I really don't want to write anymore. I'm at work, and I can feel tears starting...


    Quote Originally Posted by pinkytoe View Post
    Do you ever imagine how you would feel if all of a sudden you were on your own with a new job you really enjoyed and your DH was no longer a worry to you? Imagining that, does it bring a great sense of relief and a sense of other possibilities? I know it sounds odd, but often we stick with our misery because it is familiar and change is so very scary. I have found that when things seem very depressing (and I have my own little drama at present) that if I spend a great deal of time thinking about a better outcome, even if it is only "pretend", that it helps me from spiraling further downward. The "what ifs". That and taking small practical steps to turn things around - maybe just one small effort a day. There was a time in my marriage when I had to take long walks just to get away from DH at a point when he had some destructive habits. One day, I came home from a long walk and said that I was moving on - for my own health and sanity. He knew I was serious and that he would need to make big changes to go forward with me. And he did. I am sorry you are feeling so down and I truly hope YOU can turn things around.

  3. #33
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    986
    Quote Originally Posted by frugalone View Post
    When I tell people about her, they are generally outraged on my behalf at some of the things she said to me.
    I tried three different marriage counselors before I got divorced. One said that verbal abuse is fine, only physical abuse is a problem.

  4. #34
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    8,218
    Quote Originally Posted by frugalone View Post
    Thank you for your good wishes. I do imagine what it might be like to be on my own. I no longer imagine a job I would enjoy because I'm pretty sure there is no such animal. I had one job in 30+ years that I really loved. ONE. And even that went south. I don't think I'm the sort of person who enjoys working. Sad but true.

    DH would always be a worry to me. I'm not going to go into more of his history here but he has had a pretty traumatic life. I do seriously worry about him becoming homeless. Yes, I know it's not my job to "take care of him." But I often wonder about the "in sickness and in health" part of marriage vows. I don't think this is some sort of a game he's playing with me. There is an illness at work here. And you can't force someone to seek treatment for it. I struggle with this all the time.

    When I think about the things we've been through, and the things we still enjoy together, I don't feel ready to move on. This is a man who held my hand while a doctor put 42 stitches in my face after I was bitten by a dog. He was a pallbearer for my father. He nursed our pet rabbit back to health when the vet said there was no hope whatsoever.

    I really don't want to write anymore. I'm at work, and I can feel tears starting...
    I'm in agreement with you about marriage vows. I've known several people who could have taken off when the going got rough, but the fact that they didn't showed admirable strength of character. From what you've described, your husband doesn't deserve abandonment.

  5. #35
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    2,970
    Just to clarify...I did not specify abandoning your DH. Just that he was no longer a worry to you - whatever imaginary form that takes.

  6. #36
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    3,321
    There is a difference between taking off when times get rough and living in a situation that is taking a major toll on your health. I finally left when my neck muscles were so tight that it was strangling both my arms. My neuro doc told me something was serious wrong with my life and I needed to fix it. I figured 22 years was a long enough sentence.

  7. #37
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    1,495
    Wishing you peace, frugalalone. I think Terry has some really good insights here, and only you can make the determination as to what to do. But as she says, if it threatens your health--only you can decide and so glad you have a therapist again.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •