Oh--regarding my husband's "isms" or "issues." There are a number of them and I feel odd sharing this online without his permission. But...

He has PTSD from both childhood and adulthood physical and mental abuse. He suffers from depression, OCD/hoarding and anxiety disorder (sometimes has disabling panic attacks). Physically, the work he did (in the construction trades) has crushed several of his upper vertebrae (I think that is how you'd put it; I'm very weird w/medical stuff). As he's aged, he's been less and less able to do various tasks. He has gastric disorders as well as neurological disorders and may have had a stroke at some point in time. He has been encouraged by me and the counselor to apply for disability benefits, but he has said it feels like "giving up or "giving in" and worries about being viewed as a "cripple." I can only guess this is some sort of ego thing, because he is very kind and sympathetic to friends and family members who have serious illnesses or disabilities. As a perfectionist, I think he sees himself as having to be better than others.

He has said that both the mental and physical problems (particularly depression) have kept him from applying from even simple jobs. I do not think he is BS-ing me. I think he's a very troubled person, and I do think that he loves me and cares about me. I do worry, though, that he will never be able to overcome his problems. I wish he could, not only for my sake, but because he deserves to have a more fulfilling life than the one he has. He is pretty much a loner at this point--I've seen an increase in the depression over the years. He has tried anti-depressants and he may just be one of those people they do not work for. He does take one, not for the purpose it's meant for, but because it's known for having pain management qualities, and it does work and help somewhat.

Also, he has been to counseling on his own both before and after he met me. So it's not like he hasn't tried. I just think, sometimes, people are flawed and can't be "cured."

I guess this is where "acceptance" comes in. I don't think he's doing this on purpose.