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Thread: anyone else having a hard time/sexual allegations

  1. #1
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    anyone else having a hard time/sexual allegations

    It has reached a threshold for me, the sexual allegations are affecting my mental health. It is good in that way you get old sh&& out of your system. And it is never convenient. I have been remembering things, not like repressed memories but things that were not okay. I feel snappy, randomly angry, wanting to check out and fantasize about a decent world instead of facing that we have years of this painful shift in our society. Knowing that this shift to awareness, understanding, healing will also include victim-shaming, a backtrack at some point, and baby steps to better. I have had a really global awareness and feeling of pain, I think about what has happened to me and it seems so minor, no way to actually address it. I could pay for therapy and that just makes me angry too,

    I am working with it in my own way, but wondering if other people are dealing with memories or reactions to this.

  2. #2
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    I feel your anger Zoe Girl. The frustration that this is still a problem and that it will NEVER be solved. You have a plan of meditation and perhaps some letting go. Therapy helps. I have to keep thinking that getting all this poison out in the open might help change things. Sadly, I don't have a lot of faith in people.

  3. #3
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Not really. I regret a couple of consensual encounters you might call "pity sex," but I see all the crude passes, etc. in the same light I would see any rude behavior. I respond to the situation and move on. Of course no one should be subjected to rudeness; you have to pick your battles.

    I wouldn't give someone else's misbehavior space in my head, let alone ruminate on it endlessly.

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    I think it will pass somewhat, a lot of this is total exhaustion lately. Makes me more sensitive. Some memories of bad stuff, actually a big factor in my career choices was because I couldn't take the constant crap of harassment including touching, the jokes, and then the normal being talked over, discounted and ignored. I don't know how much everyone else dealt with, I also got it from women because I was 'cute', I got a lot of attention starting by age 12, I dealt with some female jealousy because I was getting so much male attention. It really shaped my life, I became a runner actually because of it. The playground supervisors said I liked the boy attention so they wouldn't do anything. I was caught once by the boys, after that I spent my recess jogging and sprinting. They never caught me again and I was the fastest girl at the end of 6th grade, only 3 boys beat me in the mile. I hadn't thought about these things, how long ago they started, how they shaped my life for better and worse, in a long time.

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    Of course I am having a hard time.

    I am electing henceforth to limit the amount of time I think about these incidents in my own life, because really, that's the kind of reflection you only want to do with support, and even then you are going to limit the amount of time you spend doing that reflection. Otherwise very quickly one slips into rumination which is a trigger for and an activity of, the mind in depression.

    Cognitive therapy insights-your thoughts will be evidenced in chemical changes in your body. As asthmatic, too much rumination will definitely result in life threatening asthma in my case. I cannot go there.

    Suggest you think of limiting this kind of reflection, and tune out t the news. If you do not want to do that, then only go there when you have support of good therapist.

  6. #6
    Yppej
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    One good thing about aging is no more catcall whistles, but even at my age there is a jerk at the supermarket who verbally harasses me and other patrons. I avoid that store afternoons and evenings. If I want to shop then I go to a different one of their locations. So ZG I hope you are in a better place now than you were then, and it continues to get better with age.

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    I think the media does not think beyond the initial hype and damage their reporting will do the alleged (until proven guilty) perpetrator whether is it of a sexual matter or ‘fake’ news or whatever. Just as certain incidents ignite trauma for those with PTSD, those with sexual trauma in their past can also be brought back to the trauma with the explosion of and continual replaying of sexual abuse pieces on the news. With a little thought of others first, this epidemic of sensationalism we are experiencing can be quelled but I don’t have much hope that it will happen. I avoid the news as much as I can just because much of it is more mean spirited than informative....maybe that would work for sexual abuse issues also???

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    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    One good thing about aging is no more catcall whistles, but even at my age there is a jerk at the supermarket who verbally harasses me and other patrons. I avoid that store afternoons and evenings. If I want to shop then I go to a different one of their locations. So ZG I hope you are in a better place now than you were then, and it continues to get better with age.
    Have you talked back to him? Have you talked to the manager? In what way does he harass you? I guess I have lost my inhibitions of speaking out in my "old age". It feels good.
    I'm sorry this happens to you. You seem like a person who speaks out, so I was just wondering if you did in this case.

    I never spoke out when I was young, due to an authoritarian father. In my middle age, I probably over-compensated and spoke out too much. I like to think I've found a happy medium.......but one never knows.

  9. #9
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    Someone here mentioned that their therapist kept trying to get her to remember that she may have been sexually abused. When I was in counseling about 10 years ago, my therapist was extremely careful to not put those kinds of ideas in my head.
    On one hand, I was a bit put-off, since I know that repressed memories are a real phenomenon.......on the other hand, I think it was responsible of her to not put the ideas in my head. I think that was a thing that therapists did for awhile, and it didn't turn out well.

  10. #10
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    Honestly i am in a very good place, and alittle pissed that I am remembering and that i don't trust the worldnas changed enough. I have some friends who are really having stuff come up, we are hanging together however. I really think about those who never said anything, now are seeing so much hitting the news and are alone.

    My daughter had a great insight when she saw they were making a movie based on the aurora theater shooting (she is a survivor). She was really upset aboutthe it and then thought about all the true crime and based on true crime shows she has watched. How must the family of that victim feel to have the story of their loved one told so publicly? She decided she didnt want to tp watch true crime any more. She shares the empathy for the world thing with me, none of us can watch tv news

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