I heard a round table discussion on NPR of feminists. They said the straight white men in their social circles are asking them what the acceptable ways and places are to ask a woman out on a date.
I heard a round table discussion on NPR of feminists. They said the straight white men in their social circles are asking them what the acceptable ways and places are to ask a woman out on a date.
Brushing by someone is a very different story than the women are reporting.
Some years ago, I went for a massage with a male massage therapist. I was lying nude facedown with my hands at my side. Towards the end of the massage, suddenly his genitals were rubbing against my left hand. I was startled and pulled my hands under my body. That was a deliberate act on his part. I never objected because to stand and yell when nude is rather awkward. I never went back and, strangely or not, he didn't get too many return customers and the business folded. I could have complained to his licensing body but my life was hectic enough as it was and it would have been a "she said, he said" scenario. I told my DH about it.
People aren't reporting about accidental but deliberate acts of a sexual nature. When one cannot deal with the idea of such behaviour, denial of the reality or possibility is the result. How many little boys were abused but the reality of their experience was denied by those unable to deal with it. The deniers of even the possibility of deliberate inappropriate behaviour make the burden heavier for those who are trying to correct the situation.
In fact, it is no different with the response to "Silent Spring" by Rachel Carson regarding the harm of DDT. How much abuse did she undergo from the deniers?
Ultimately it is the mindset or awareness of the problem, whatever form it takes, that needs to change. I strongly support those with the courage to protest.
Originally Posted by goldensmom
As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”
I am glad it went that way. It mostly escalated when i did similar things, and the 'male bumbler' was the supervisor i asked to make it stop. I either took care of myself or put up with it, and truly didn't have a lot of power. I don't even want to tell some things here in a private forum because of the shit people say,
I highly doubt the world will fall apart if sexual harassment and assault are addressed and people held accountable, but it interesting because every other crime i can think of we assume things will get BETTER if we address it. Do we say that about robbery or other physical assault? No way, but women are the vast majority of victims here and so of course we don't mind a grope for the good of the economy
When I was in 7th grade my art teacher's hand "brushed up against" my genitals...with a bit of a squeeze. Was it an accident? Was it on purpose? At the time I thought: "I think that was on purpose..."
Though each time I reflected on it for the first several months afterward I thought: "Maybe it was just an accident."
I am really sorry that happened to you.
In light of the kinds of things Charlie Rose is said to have done, his apology goes way beyond "bumbler" to laughable.
The standard of evidence for trial by media is lower than that for trial by jury.
+1
I have never been in a situation where I was uncomfortable because of a power dynamic. The closest I have come is dh boss once flirting with me a little at a party and standing a little too close. The flirting was the sort of thing I would have been ok with from say, a friend’s grandfather, and when backing off didn’t work, I solved the “a little too close” by “losing my balance” as someone walked by and “accidentally” planting my heel on his foot and splashing my wine. Then I apologized profusely, drawing lots of attention.
i also once worked with a maintenance guy who made me uncomfortable, but again it was more “don’t stand so close, don’t smile at me like that, your jokes aren’t funny (but are also ambiguous enough that I can’t actually object to you telling them even though there are kids around), and no, you go ahead up the stairs first...” I was in a position to get him at least reprimanded and possibly fired (I have a really sensitive, responsive boss) However, he really needed the job, and talking to coworkers, no one else got the same vibe. So I just avoided him. I think he might have been interested and socially clueless. After two years he had a work history and left for a better low skill job in construction.
I would challenge everyone to attempt to understand the situation in a deeper context by putting yourself in the shoes of...the complainant, the accused, and the administrator tasked with investigating these incidents.
If you truly do this you will perceive what a complex thing it is to fairly decide what specifically happened and whether it meets the definition of sexual harassment, inappropriate behavior, miscommunication, a crime or a false allegation. They are separate findings. In fact, they may be defined as substantiated or unsubstantiated which are not the same as “true or false”. A determination needs to be born out by reliable evidence which is going to necessarily require an analysis of the degree of credibility of victim, accused and witnesses if there are any.
This is all critically important because there is so much at stake. While the allegations may not ever have a chance to rise to the level of criminal behavior.....the consequences for the accused are job loss, discipline, stress, financial ruin and interpersonal relationship disasters as well as mental health issues.
The determination must not be left up to superficial subjective analysis. It should strictly adhere to guidelines established by an objective fact finding process applied to rules established to make a determination. The rules allow for determinations that are flexible enough to avoid “true...false”.
There is a lot that can be expanded on here but conducting such an investigation is like trying to see the bottom of a mug full of coffee. You got to drink the coffee first.
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