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Thread: Moving, buyer's remorse, anxiety

  1. #11
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    I strongly suggest that you set boundaries as grandparents. As an example, my sister told her son/DIL that she would take the grands every other Friday for the day. She would keep them 1 night. If the kids wanted it to be Saturday night, no she would not keep them Friday and Saturday. The kids had to drive the GKids over and pick them up.

    This relationship has worked very well for 15 years now. She still takes them as requested. She offers to take them on special travel trips. She offers to take them to visit other family members out of state.

    As the Grandma, she drives this bus.

    I don't have kids/have not a clue what you're going through. I did listen to my sister set boundaries and she thinks it is the smartest thing she's ever done.

    You're not retired to become daycare are you? And you sound very stressed out about not having a life. Don't be their free ride. You've earned your retirement. It belongs to you.

  2. #12
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    I enjoy taking one grandchild at a time, whether it's for a few hours or overnight. The kid with me feels special, the kids at home get a break from a sibling, the parents feel like it's so easy with one less kid, and my husband and I get to enjoy one child at a time. They also behave really well one at a time.

  3. #13
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    A friend who had a wonderful experience with her 'grandma' retired so that she could provide the same for her two grandchildren. Her mother had died at an early age so she felt that her own children had missed something very precious. The demands are time consuming on occasion but this is a priceless gift she is giving her 'little people' as I call them. I get to hear of all their adventures and she enjoys sharing them and pictures with me. Every child should have a feeling that s/he is unconditionally loved and grandparents often are the ones to do so.

    That said, it is wisdom to set boundaries as this is an equally important skill for the grandchildren to learn. These boundaries can be set with thoughtfulness, wisdom and love. Children need to learn about personal sovereignty of time, energy , choice, freedom, responsibility etc.

    Concern about the move and the house are completely separate from the concern about time spent with grandchildren. Enjoy making the discoveries of adventures that lie ahead, Tybee.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  4. #14
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    I don't have any grand-parenting issues - yet - but I completely get the moving issue. In my own experience, it takes at least 2-3 years to feel settled in a place so you have to ride some bumpy feelings until then. We just passed year one in our new place and I still have a lot of mixed feelings about the whole thing. Some days it feels like a big mistake and other days, it is wonderful to have taken the plunge into something new. Homesickness remains however. Now if DD announces a grandchild in the near future, I am going to deeply regret that we are 800 miles away. An hour away sounds pretty good - too far to just drop in for impromptu babysitting requests but close enough to get together when planned.

  5. #15
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    Thank you, everyone, I am reading these carefully and thinking about everything everyone is saying.

    I am trying to separate out what is family worry and what is financial worry and what is moving worry and what is house worry. That's four different categories, I am realizing.

    Inspections (a LOT of inspections) are happening next week and that gives us a chance to know the house better and feel more secure about the future. So I will shelve some of the worrying until we get that information back.

  6. #16
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    Has anyone sold a house lately and had buyer get inspection and had thing show up that they wanted fixed?

    What did you do, fix the things, give money back, or say, it's as is, we fix nothing?

    Have you been a buyer lately, and how was inspection findings handled?

  7. #17
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    Has anyone sold a house lately and had buyer get inspection and had thing show up that they wanted fixed?

    What did you do, fix the things, give money back, or say, it's as is, we fix nothing?
    \
    Oh, yeah. Our first buyer for BILs house, back in April, got the inspection report that talked about the furnace, the roof, some pretty major things. So they asked us for $20,000 off the purchase price. My DH is not the most conciliatory kind of guy, so he basically said F off. Our realtor tried to tell him that if we wind up carrying the house for several months, that will dip into the purchase price. But DH cancelled the contract.

    Between buyers we replaced the electrical panel. We were afraid if we didn't we'd be asked to replace the wiring of the whole house, which was aluminum wiring--a big red flag.

    The second buyer wound up with a completely different inspection report. We had to fix a chimney and also address some safety things that were never an issue years ago, like multiple smoke detectors, CO2 detectors, etc. Cost us about $4k.

    Our goal was to get the house sold as cheaply as possible. Our realtor (who was also the buyer's realtor) wisely had the buyers initial "as is" things like the roof, the furnace, a sidewalk that's a little cock-a-mamie. So the second time around we were able to get off a little cheaper. (But honestly, I think it was a wash. DH wouldn't admit it, but we wound up with fewer inspection issues, but we had carried the house for another few months. If I took the time to calculate, I would say that we would have been better off just giving the first buyers 20k).
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  8. #18
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    BTW, you mentioned you got radon testing. Good call. That is a big environmental hazard. Our radon test came back and we needed to remediate. Cost $1800. I think it's a Central Jersey thing because we are all sitting on Brunswick shale, but if I were moving to a new home, radon would be a non-starter unless it was remediated.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  9. #19
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    Prior to selling my home, I remodeled a bathroom that had the electrical breaker box in it. That was a violation of code that needed fixing. I also remodeled the main kitchen with high end granite and hardwood hickory custom made cabinets and Itlatian tile flooring. I did some water infiltration remediation and painted everything I could get a brush and roller on. I pretty much went through the place like an inspector to find possible red flags....like the attic fan wiring that was questionable. Oh yeah, I installed additional insulation in the attic.

    I sold the house in six days. The buyer had an inspector who came in the house and left a sink running, flooded my master bathroom, ruined ceiling tile in the basement and left without telling me what happened. Yeah there’s more.

    The buyer asked for a furnace inspection. I thought, “It’s only five years old, what could go wrong?” The inspector found a cracked heat exchanger, red tagged the furnace in the middle of winter and told me a part had to be ordered. I went without heat for five days, the part arrived and almost $1000 later.....the buyer had a new furnace paid for by me.

    So after all this, the title was found to have an unsatisfied loan attached to it. The bank for my original loan had sold my loan twice to other banks and the second bank....a very large national bank.....failed to file the satisfaction. They weren’t user friendly and held up the whole deal two months to the point where I expected the buyer to back out.

    So my real estate agent broker advises that the buyers agreed to move in before closing.....the sellers of my condo agreed to move out before closing and all I had to do was move in a condo I didn’t own and let someone live in my house until the bank came through with the paperwork. He characterized it as a leap of faith. I said it was an act of a suicidal person.

    And just before I moved the garage door spring broke so......I had to replace that. Within one week of moving into the condo ....the garage door spring broke and I had to replace that one too.

    Dont worry....everything will be fine. Haha.

  10. #20
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    When we bought our house a year ago sight unseen (long story), the inspection turned up some things. We did not even physically see the house until the day of the inspection. We called it our mail order bride. Talk about scared. After back and forth, we were able to have entire heater replaced and some other things at seller's cost. Since being here a year, other things have come to light but that is to be expected in an older house. Nothing we can't fix or live with. The house we sold in Austin had many flaws but the market was so hot that it didn't matter so we didn't have do anything but move out. No amount of worrying ever changed anything.

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