I've been watching the tv show This Is Us on my 30-day free Hulu subscription. I like most of the characters - loooove Jack Pearson! But I've been surprised at how much the Kate character bothers me. She's so whiny. I feel sorry for her poor boyfriend.
But the thing that's been nagging at the back of my mind is how much her character personifies the effect that obesity (and extra weight in general) has on a person's self-esteem and sense of personal agency. I think this stems from our culture's equation of fatness as a moral and personal failure. There's a real stigma to being fat. A fat person is seen as less-than, and in no time at all, that person sees themselves that way too. And pretty soon Everything in life is viewed as a response to being fat. You can't hide being fat.
I've struggled with extra weight various times in my life. And during those times I always fantasize about how wonderful my life will be AFTER I lose the weight! As if weigh loss, or being thin, conferred magical powers. And it might, if you're a model or rely on your physical looks for your livelihood. But for most of us? Does being thin really make that much difference in the big scheme of things?
Now that I'm older, for the most part I don't care what people think about me. As they say, I don't give any F*CKS. Or at least many less than I used to. But watching Kate's life revolve completely around her weight is so depressing (depressing enough that it's making me not want to watch the show anymore). And I don't judge her for it, I think it's how many people feel about being heavy. It's just incredibly sad. The loss of so much life to that one relatively unimportant detail about someone's life.
I remember my gorgeous young niece calling herself a fat cow because she was till carrying an extra 15-20 lbs after her second child. It was such a harsh judgment against herself and it made me feel sad for her.
I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.
p.s. I couldn't think of a clever title.
p.p.s. Kate is not merely heavy, she's morbidly obese and I realize that does present a whole of problems and challenges in terms of mobility, health, and quality of life. For Her. The question that I'm asking is: why do we equate the condition of obesity with personal failure or lack of worth in a person? After all, we are not the ones who have to suffer the consequences of being fat or obese. Why do we, as a society, feel the right to judge people for it? Enough so, and harshly so, that the condition results in crippling shame for those who suffer from it?