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Thread: Practical strategies to cope with being alone?

  1. #191
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    But then once they had one they realized it is a ton of unpleasant work. And then when they got divorced or the baby-daddy was a no-show and they were doing all or almost all that unpleasant child raising work they quickly decided: "No more kids!"
    I'd hate for joint disdain of kids to be the common ground in your relationship--for the kid's sake. I have pictures of those movies where the relationship-starved woman and her bf drop her kids off at a Sunoco station and then peal off.

    OTOH, I really don't know your comfort level around kids. I'd imagine you could be very good with someone in their teens--you have a healthy outlook on "fun." My stepfather was only 28 when my 38 year old mother married him, and he had no good experience with kids, but was actually a great stepfather. But if you do decide to take "no kids" off your dating checklist, be aware that it's not like accepting a few extra gizmos in the kitchen. You have to buy in 100% to the family, no matter how old the kid is.

    So I need to be a bit forgiving and understanding of the women I date too.

    Anyway, this is something I am thinking about.
    Wow. That's great.
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  2. #192
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    I think its possible to be simultaneously against procreating but to be accepting and loving toward an already existing child.

  3. #193
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    I'd hate for joint disdain of kids to be the common ground in your relationship--for the kid's sake. I have pictures of those movies where the relationship-starved woman and her bf drop her kids off at a Sunoco station and then peal off.

    OTOH, I really don't know your comfort level around kids. I'd imagine you could be very good with someone in their teens--you have a healthy outlook on "fun." My stepfather was only 28 when my 38 year old mother married him, and he had no good experience with kids, but was actually a great stepfather. But if you do decide to take "no kids" off your dating checklist, be aware that it's not like accepting a few extra gizmos in the kitchen. You have to buy in 100% to the family, no matter how old the kid is.



    Wow. That's great.
    I don't have disdain for kids. I am not parental, that is all.

    And just because a woman does not want more kids because she realizes how much work it is does not mean that she does not love her kid and care for it properly.

    For instance, after Harlan goes off to college it is very likely I won't adopt another dog -- at least for several years. Why? It is a lot of work, responsibility, and obligation.

    But every day I have with Harlan I appreciate. He is a great dog and in many ways my life revolves around him in joyful ways -- taking him on walks, having him run zoomies, etc.

    I actually don't think you have to buy into the family 100%. I know a few single moms who keep their mom life and their romantic life totally separate. They plan to launch their kids and then invest in a relationship (move in, marriage, etc.) Every woman is different. Not all expect a boyfriend to play house.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  4. #194
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    My best friend in Cleveland is an archeologist trapped in place by a bad divorce settlement. (She can leave her school district IF she gives the kids to her ex.) she is a great mom. But she says as soon as the youngest (15 y.o. Sophomore) leaves for college, she is moving to New Zealand. (I have thought about introducing you two somehow, but I doubt the long term potential, which is your goal - it probably won’t be New Zealand, but it might be Cambodia. Also, she is white, eastern spiritual, and has stuff. And having been forced to pay off half the debt her dh ran up keeping his mistress and dealing with her own student loans she might be put off a legal partnership by yours.)

  5. #195
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    My best friend in Cleveland is an archeologist trapped in place by a bad divorce settlement. (She can leave her school district IF she gives the kids to her ex.) she is a great mom. But she says as soon as the youngest (15 y.o. Sophomore) leaves for college, she is moving to New Zealand. (I have thought about introducing you two somehow, but I doubt the long term potential, which is your goal - it probably won’t be New Zealand, but it might be Cambodia. Also, she is white, eastern spiritual, and has stuff. And having been forced to pay off half the debt her dh ran up keeping his mistress and dealing with her own student loans she might be put off a legal partnership by yours.)
    I appreciate the thought. But I can do bad all by myself.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  6. #196
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    I’ve noticed.

    the thought occurred to me more for her benefit, but I like you.

  7. #197
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    I’ve noticed.
    lol
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  8. #198
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    Seems pretty silly to me that because she had adult children living at home you didn’t want to date her. I doubt that they will live their forever. Kids do boomerang back for all kinds of reasons in their 20’s.

  9. #199
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    Seems pretty silly to me that because she had adult children living at home you didn’t want to date her. I doubt that they will live their forever. Kids do boomerang back for all kinds of reasons in their 20’s.
    They were 25 and 27, never gone to college, never moved out, worked part time at a grocery store.

    Do the math. They ain't leaving!
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  10. #200
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    Got it! My kids boomeranged back to finish college and one when he hit hard times but not a permanent thing. She is doing those kids no favors.

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