Practical strategies to cope with being alone?

[Ultralight]

After the fizzling-out of my most recent romance I was thinking about strategies for coping with being alone in the long term.

Now, I am not just talking about feeling lonesome. I am talking about the emotional, mental, logistical, financial, etc. issues that come with being alone/living alone for the long term.

Yesterday I was eating a big bite of baked salmon when it, just for a second, got caught in my throat. I could not inhale or exhale. I managed to cough it up. But had I begun to really choke, I could have died as there is no one to help me.

I welcome suggestions from you all about how to deal with the emotional, mental, logistical, financial, etc. issues of being alone long term.

As always: Snark is welcome, but I do want real ideas too!

[pinkytoe]

Even those of us with significant others imagine a time when our partner will no longer be there. I think about it a lot when I am trying to do something physical that my small hands just can't quite maneuver or when I wake up in the middle of the night and DH is not in the bed. I am thinking co-housing is a good way to have support when one is on their own but would like to feel not so alone. I am watching my MIL handle a life alone after sixty years with a mate now passed. It is just part of life for most of us to be alone at some point.

[iris lilies]

Even those of us with significant others imagine a time when our partner will no longer be there. I think about it a lot when I am trying to do something physical that my small hands just can't quite maneuver or when I wake up in the middle of the night and DH is not in the bed. I am thinking co-housing is a good way to have support when one is on their own but would like to feel not so alone. I am watching my MIL handle a life alone after sixty years with a mate now passed. It is just part of life for most of us to be alone at some point.

This is so true.

Also, it is good for our mental health to develop and keep up certain skills that our SO’s, if we had them, might be doing. I used to be very independant when single and gradually have allowed DH to take on tasks I would ordinarily do. My skills have atrophied in certain areas.

[goldensmom]

Even those of us with significant others imagine a time when our partner will no longer be there. I think about it a lot when I am trying to do something physical that my small hands just can't quite maneuver .....

This is so true.

Also, it is good for our mental health to develop and keep up certain skills that our SO’s, if we had them, might be doing. I used to be very independant when single and gradually have allowed DH to take on tasks I would ordinarily do. My skills have atrophied in certain areas.

I agree with both of the above. I have dogs for company and church for community. We own and operate a farm so I am sure I could continue with that as a single person. I think the main thing about being alone long term is to focus on things outside of yourself, be thankful for the material and non-material things you have and for me it is trust that God has everything worked out for me well ahead of anything that I may experience.

[dado potato]

There might be a nugget of insight in this 1,260 year-old poem of Li Po.

DRINKING ALONE WITH THE MOON
From a pot of wine among the flowers
I drank alone. There was no one with me --
Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring me my shadow and make us three.
Alas, the moon was unable to drink,
And my shadow tagged me vacantly;
But still for a while I had these friends
To cheer me through the end of spring...
I sang. The moon encouraged me.
I danced. My shadow tumbled after.
As long as I knew, we were boon companions.
And then I was drunk, and we lost one another.
... Shall goodwill ever be secure?
I watch the long road of the River of Stars.

[Yppej]

Unless someone is glued to your side 24/7 you could still choke on something and die. Is the other person never supposed to go to work, or the corner store, or anywhere else without you?

Once you hit a certain age (60 in my state) you can move into an elderly housing complex with some support services.

[JaneV2.0]

Unless someone is glued to your side 24/7 you could still choke on something and die. Is the other person never supposed to go to work, or the corner store, or anywhere else without you?

Once you hit a certain age (60 in my state) you can move into an elderly housing complex with some support services.

My godfather died just this way; my SO's brother also died a preventable death. In both cases, their housemate was not home. I think of this occasionally (more so than I used to ) and keep my cell close at hand.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Yea have a cell phone on you and you can call 911, doesn't even have to be a smart phone for that. I often don't have an active cell (forget to pay the prepaid bill etc.) on me, so I don't really do this myself, but if you are worried it makes sense.

Most women will outlive their male partners (exacerbated if they marry older, but even if they don't women statistically live longer, there are of course many exceptions as well where the woman dies sooner, but statistically). So I think a lot of women know they will be facing life alone at some point.

I think you are as well positioned to do well financially as just about anyone is, yes there is a greater financial risk in being single, but I don't' think it really applies to you. I know Suzie Orman has written on taking care of oneself financially as a woman (which is much higher risk or poverty statistically than being a single man), so it is a plenty relevant topic for single women, but maybe some of it would apply to single men as well - haven't read it). But I think you personally are about as stable as anyone could be financially (I realize the wind is not at the middle classes back in general these days but given that ..). Stable government job, that will pay off loans as long as you can keep the job (sure there is some risk of this not working out, having to take a private sector job, and being stuck with loans), if you plan to stay where you are then likely ability to buy property where you live as it's not some ridiculous coastal bubble (ability to retire in Eucador or something if you DON'T plan to stay where you are), don't know if you have a pension but if so congrats as noone does these days, ability to save long term for retirement in retirement vehicles. I mean really short of actually being rich, that's as much security as anyone can achieve these days, married or single. There can be some short term economic security in being partnered (like it would prevent homelessness if one couldn't find work if that was a fear maybe - so maybe for the most extreme destitution - but I don't think it really goes much further than that, as economic insecurity is widespread these days - both of you might be fairly economically insecure and in fact with a government job you are likely to be the more economically secure partner in the relationship).

Socially whether or not having lots of non-partnership relationships suffices really depends on one's personality. For some people it works well, for others it doesn't work particularly well (but for everyone is better than total isolation if they don't have a partner).

[Ultralight]

Unless someone is glued to your side 24/7 you could still choke on something and die. Is the other person never supposed to go to work, or the corner store, or anywhere else without you?

Think about the odds here. Okay, sure. 24/7 is not realistic. Heck, I probably would not want that. I like solitude sometimes (markedly more than most people).

But let's say it is 8/7. This reduces my odds of being alone when I choke on my salmon fillet.

Also: I like be there for someone else too. It feels good to help someone else feel and be more secure.

[iris lilies]

Think about the odds here. Okay, sure. 24/7 is not realistic. Heck, I probably would not want that. I like solitude sometimes (markedly more than most people).

But let's say it is 8/7. This reduces my odds of being alone when I choke on my salmon fillet.

Also: I like be there for someone else too. It feels good to help someone else feel and be more secure.

A few years ago DH was choking on somethIng and he had to
heimleich himself since my efforts were fruitless.

When you get that companion, make sure she is competent.