Practical strategies to cope with being alone?

[Ultralight]

Despite the circumstances which got you there, bae, revel in your status as a person worthy of being pursued.

Agree with this 100%!

[Teacher Terry]

I think that is great Bae! You never know when or where you will meet your next partner.

[bae]

Apparently also, the phrase "Netflix and chill" has some meanings with which I was previously unacquainted with.

[Tradd]

Bae, that sounds promising. A chance for coffee out and possibly some interesting conversation.

[SteveinMN]

Apparently also, the phrase "Netflix and chill" has some meanings with which I was previously unacquainted with.

Umm, should one of us more-recently-singled folk have a little chat with you?

Dating now is very different than it was 20-30 years ago, in both good and bad ways.

[JaneV2.0]

I saw this coming. After all, you live in a tight-knit community and word travels fast.

"Netflix and chill?" Those saucy minxes aren't wasting any time...

[Tiam]

I haven't read this entire thread, but I, too, find myself in a life I never really imagined at this age of 59. Alone. No boy friend, no husband, no significant other. And I'm an extreme introvert. Getting out and doing stuff outside of my comfort zone is extraordinarily difficult for me. Other than the odd get together with a grown child or an old acquaintance, I spend every day, day in, day out alone. I'm not terrible 'lonely' per se, because alone time is not bad.I need it and enjoy it, but it is unbalanced. I would like a companion to be with but have no desire to get out there. I'm kind of hopelessly out of touch with the world, I have some mobility issues so the usual, getting out into our beautiful wild country to hike, bird watch, ski, dance or whatever isn't really something I do much of. I have no peers interested in what I am interested in. No one who wants to share my thoughts or interests..No religious or political affiliation.I have a job, so I get face to face human interaction, such as it is, but finding a way to live a life alone and to find others with common interests is much, much harder.

[Tiam]

To appropriate a phrase from another status, "It gets better."

I'm starting to ask: Really? Can't see it right now. Reminds me of a Beatles lyric: "You got to admit it's getting better. It's getting better, all the time. (Can't get much worse!" Not sure about that last lyric.

[Ultralight]

I haven't read this entire thread, but I, too, find myself in a life I never really imagined at this age of 59. Alone. No boy friend, no husband, no significant other.

You may not have read the whole thread. But you totally get it. This is, in large part, what this thread is about.

I am 39, divorced, live by myself, and have no good prospects for a life partner. So I feel your anguish too.

And I'm an extreme introvert. Getting out and doing stuff outside of my comfort zone is extraordinarily difficult for me.

This is tricky. I do like to get out there and do stuff. The problem is that while I make acquaintances I don't really make deep friendships. So there is this hole in my social fabric...

So even if you were getting out there, it is no guarantee that you'd make great connections.

Other than the odd get together with a grown child or an old acquaintance, I spend every day, day in, day out alone.

How many grown kids do you have? Do they know you suffer from chronic loneliness?

A colleague of mine and I were talking about this on Friday. We go home every night to our apartments. No one is there but our dog. We make dinner for one. Every night.

I'm not terrible 'lonely' per se, because alone time is not bad.I need it and enjoy it, but it is unbalanced.

You literally need the balance.

I would like a companion to be with but have no desire to get out there.

I liken this feeling to freezing to death. At first you might be like: "I gotta get warm! I got to!" and you struggle against the cold.

But after a certain amount of time you stop struggling. And then you notice that you don't feel so cold anymore, you don't even shiver. You just feel sleepy. Then you start to doze off...

But this is literally how people die from freezing!

So you must keep struggling!

I'm kind of hopelessly out of touch with the world, I have some mobility issues so the usual, getting out into our beautiful wild country to hike, bird watch, ski, dance or whatever isn't really something I do much of.

Are you able to cook? The government in the UK is doing all sorts of things to help people with chronic loneliness. One of the main things they suggest are cooking classes.

I have no peers interested in what I am interested in. No one who wants to share my thoughts or interests..No religious or political affiliation.

What are your thoughts and interests?

I have a job, so I get face to face human interaction, such as it is, but finding a way to live a life alone and to find others with common interests is much, much harder.

The job might skate you through for several more years. But I encourage you to keep looking for other connections!

[SteveinMN]

Originally Posted by SteveinMN
To appropriate a phrase from another status, "It gets better."

I'm starting to ask: Really? Can't see it right now. Reminds me of a Beatles lyric: "You got to admit it's getting better. It's getting better, all the time. (Can't get much worse!" Not sure about that last lyric.

In my case, it certainly did. In bae's case, I believe it will. I think attitude has a lot to do with it.

When I divorced (in my 40s), I knew I needed to be okay with the idea that I might never be in another long-term relationship. Not that I had to like the idea but it was a possibility. On the other hand, by then I knew it was better to be alone than wish I was. I knew I was my own good company. I had a career, I had friends, I had interests and I believed I had a lot to bring to a long-term relationship. Despite being highly introverted and sailing into uncharted territory, I knew I probably would be okay. And I am.

When my ex and I separated, I took steps to make sure I didn’t make my new life too comfortable. I moved from a large-ish suburban house to a studio apartment in a busy, very walkable neighborhood. Small kitchen, no cable, dial-up Internet. "Forced" exposure to people as I walked for exercise or looked in interesting stores or ate at a local restaurant. I didn't want to "cocoon" when I got home after work. I sure-as-shooting wasn't going to meet anyone new in my apartment so I took steps to minimize that. I went to concerts and movies and restaurants by myself. I let family and friends I trusted know I was okay with being fixed up with women they knew. I was pretty fearless about asking women out on dates; I wasn’t asking for the rest of their lives; just for a few hours. And, just as every woman was not going to be my cup of tea, I was sure I wouldn't be every woman's cup of tea, so a 'no' didn't bring me down. Sure, there were lonely times. But I knew if I did not push myself, I would not get what I wanted. UL's "freezing" metaphor is quite applicable here.

I will grant that life at 40 is different from life at 60. Women over 50, particularly, seem to enjoy/endure a kind of invisibility (depends on their reaction to it, I think). But DW and I met at 47. And I know at least 4-6 women in their 50s and 60s that I would pursue right now if I were not married. I think being single when one is older is tougher than when you're younger. But, like so many other goals in life, it can be worth pushing yourself to get what you (say you) want.

In bae's case, he has many activities in which he engages; he's mentioned visiting the mainland more often to meet people, and he expresses (at least in the posts I've read here) a willingness to move on with life and not let his current situation be the endgame. I think he'll be okay.