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Thread: Practical strategies to cope with being alone?

  1. #171
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Car clubs. Thats where the men my age are. If I were single and looking, I would buy an English car and join the car club for English sports cars. I always have liked gear heads. I like fixit men, but carpenters and etc tend to be solitary, they dont join together.

    I find it a very comforting environment with men sitting around a table talking about fixing stuff, even if I have no idea what they are talking about. It brings back memories of my childhood and family reunions with my uncles.

  2. #172
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by profnot View Post
    I suggest you create some profiles of women you would be interested in.
    Age, geographic area, likes, dislikes, interests, values, children, etc - as complete a picture as possible.

    Then make a list of what these women do outside work. Hobbies, volunteer contributions, etc - anything which tells you where women you are interested in hang out.

    Then go to where they hang out. Prioritize the venues / events with more women than men, such as yoga. (Delete rock climbing and gaming from your list.)

    To learn where women you like hang out, ask, ask, ask. Ask your female co-workers, ask the mothers and aunts of these women, ask sisters, ask them to ask other women, etc. Ask women.

    I give speeches on how to attract new volunteers to non-profit groups. I've been using these recruiting techniques with great success for many years.

    Find out where the people you want are - then go there.

    When you talk to women, discuss their interests, not yours. The conversations are not about you. Listen to them. You will soon learn if you are interested.

    Women love it when men listen.

    Good luck!
    Thank you!

    I am just laying low for the moment though, and working on improving my health situation.

    When the time comes I will take much of your advice.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  3. #173
    Senior Member boss mare's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    This is such great advice, profnot. If I were suddenly single and wanted another guy, I would immediately get another horse and start riding Western and hang around the quarterhorse set. Or the draft horse set--because I like these things, and I like the guys who like these things. I met my husband through mutual interests of music. I got lucky because he also likes draft horses as much as I do.
    But mutual interests are the way to go.
    I am a horse person ... I was married to a person that had horses... huge huge mistake Big difference in ahorse person VS the person who simply has horses

  4. #174
    Senior Member boss mare's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by profnot View Post
    Don't move to the PNW!

    The Seattle Freeze applies to all of western Washington. Here's what wikipedia says:
    Newcomers to the area have described Seattleites as being standoffish, cold, distant, and not trusting,[3] while in settings such as bars and parties, people from Seattle tend to mainly interact with their particular clique.[4]One author described the aversion to strangers as: "people are very polite but not particularly friendly."[5] In 2008 a peer-reviewed study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science found that among all states, Washington residents ranked 48th in the personality trait extroverted.[6]

    Yes, WA people are very introverted. It is very hard to make friends in the PNW, especially if you are new to the area. My friend in OR tells me it is the same there.
    Another PNW chiming in And another huge big introvert Also there is a huge differences in areas. You could be in Bellevue, then go 100 miles south and be in a whole 'nuther planet

  5. #175
    Senior Member boss mare's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Car clubs. Thats where the men my age are. If I were single and looking, I would buy an English car and join the car club for English sports cars. I always have liked gear heads. I like fixit men, but carpenters and etc tend to be solitary, they dont join together.

    I find it a very comforting environment with men sitting around a table talking about fixing stuff, even if I have no idea what they are talking about. It brings back memories of my childhood and family reunions with my uncles.
    The Fix-it guy will always catch my heart

  6. #176
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    Your post has made me feel sad for you.
    I've been a widow,12 years in April,I have 3 kids who are involved with their jobs,hobbies,spouses,we see each other once a month usually...
    I'm an introverted minimalist so I have learned to enjoy my own company and I can't endure clutter and disorganization so shopping for a hobby and or entertainment doesn't happen.
    I lived with a friend for a short time and got involved in her religion which turned out to be an enormous mistake,as I found them to be over- bearing and mostly nosy so I have reversed to calling myself a lapsed Catholic.
    This doesn't provide you with any solutions but I just wanted to express some solidarity. ..BTW,I worry about choking sometimes too

  7. #177
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gmpg54 View Post
    Your post has made me feel sad for you.
    I've been a widow,12 years in April,I have 3 kids who are involved with their jobs,hobbies,spouses,we see each other once a month usually...
    I'm an introverted minimalist so I have learned to enjoy my own company and I can't endure clutter and disorganization so shopping for a hobby and or entertainment doesn't happen.
    I lived with a friend for a short time and got involved in her religion which turned out to be an enormous mistake,as I found them to be over- bearing and mostly nosy so I have reversed to calling myself a lapsed Catholic.
    This doesn't provide you with any solutions but I just wanted to express some solidarity. ..BTW,I worry about choking sometimes too
    I am a lapsed Catholic too.

    Perhaps we're kindred spirits, in a few ways.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  8. #178
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post

    finding someone ... who is willing to give up their plan to have kids in order to have a life partner (this is more common of women in their late 30s as they feel the writing is on the wall and they should take what they can get).
    This is where you expressed that women reach an age of desperation and so you can get them, and bend them to your anti-child wishes (power imbalance).

  9. #179
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    This is where you expressed that women reach an age of desperation and so you can get them, and bend them to your anti-child wishes (power imbalance).
    I am merely describing a social phenomenon I have observed, experienced in my dating life, and seen female friends go through (they have literally explained to me that was what they were doing).

    Would I date someone who is willing to give up their plan to have kids? Yes. Why? Not because I want to bend them to my will, but simply because I do not want kids.

    Desperation is part of the human experience. Every person I have known has been desperate in some context during their life.

    A woman deciding she is willing to forgo her dream of having a life partner and kids to simply have only a life partner is a negotiation some women have to make or feel they must make.

    Some men have to decide whether or not they want to keep holding out for a woman without cellulite or if they are willing to compromise and date a really great woman who happens to have some cellulite. (For the record: Some cellulite is not a big deal to me, seems fairly normal).

    But you get my point. Right? In this competitive environment we call dating, you don't get everything you want. You negotiate. You make some compromises. You win some and you lose some.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  10. #180
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    (power imbalance).
    Everyone can make their own choices. What makes you think the power is imbalanced?
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

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