Practical strategies to cope with being alone?

[Ultralight]

I suspect it's just how people can react to what they perceive as failure at things they think should be perfectly achievable if one wants them. I mean if one fails at the impossible dream (to make it into pro-sports or to break into acting or something), people get that, as those goals were kind of beyond them to begin with, but at the commonplace .. If one really and truly doesn't want something it's not failure exactly (might in some cases be strange but that is a lesser stigma to just be seen as a weirdo than to be seen as a failure).

Good points here. I have another colleague who has zero interest in a life partner. He is fiercely independent. He doesn't get the "you failed at what ought to be easy -- finding a life partner" look like I get.

[Ultralight]

Steve- another possibility: when you have a partner, you are being more yourself, relaxed and others can see that. When I've seen people alone (particularly in venues where there is alcohol), sometimes people can exude a more hungry/looking vibe which can also appear as needy. You get a better response to relaxed vs.needy.

I tend to be pretty darned gregarious at our happy hours and work events. Maybe that is seen as hungry?

But I am the instigator of play, the joker. I got us all playing duckpin bowling on Friday night's happy hour. Lots of goofy celebratory dances and poses for strikes and spares.

I have a tendency to use a lot of self-deprecating humor (I mean, the well of material is bottomless!). And much of that comes from my wacky dating experiences.

At work I am thought of "the person who will say what is on everyone else's mind" according to my colleagues who resigned. They respect me as a truth teller but not really as a leader or even as a dedicated professional.

[JaneV2.0]

I remember being able to spot that hungry/needy/desperate vibe from afar. I always avoided those people because I knew they weren't interested in me per se. Anyone would do.

[SteveinMN]

Steve- another possibility: when you have a partner, you are being more yourself, relaxed and others can see that.

Maybe... I like to think I didn't get by for several years of being single constantly looking around and seeming needy. If anything I strapped the filters on a bit more tightly when I had a girlfriend because there still was an impression to be made and situations in which I was around her friends, who didn't yet know me. The "relaxed" part came later.

[catherine]

Maybe... I like to think I didn't get by for several years of being single constantly looking around and seeming needy. If anything I strapped the filters on a bit more tightly when I had a girlfriend because there still was an impression to be made and situations in which I was around her friends, who didn't yet know me. The "relaxed" part came later.

I can see that. I remember a boss who told me "It's easier to get a job when you have a job" and maybe the same is true for getting a life partner. Thinking out loud, but maybe an aura of "success" speaks volumes: whether it's financial success or success in relationships. "Everybody wants a winner, so nobody wants me." My DS34 struggles with this so much, being an "unconventional" success--meaning he loves his job, he devotes a lot of time to his music and he's inspired by his surroundings. But society sometimes demands a different definition. Doesn't matter. Find that person who sees your success. And nothing wrong with "faking it til you make it"--I've done a lot of that.

I was going to post the Liza Minelli Caberet version of this great song but that's a little outdated, so I'm going to post this awesome version of an American Idol contestant, Michael J. Woodard.

[JaneV2.0]

There's likely something to that; my partner was attached when I met him.

[bae]

Now that I'm about three months out from my partner leaving, I must apparently read as "happy and not insane", as random decent folks are asking me out, out-of-the-blue. It's very odd, I have zero experience in these matters. I have never been on a date in my life, for instance, if you don't count a few formal "dates" with my partner when we were teenagers.

I suppose I better budget more for coffee in town and such.

[Gardnr]

I suppose I better budget more for coffee in town and such.

LOL.....enjoy some friendly conversation. I've been w/hubby since we were 16 so I have nothing to offer.

[SteveinMN]

Despite the circumstances which got you there, bae, revel in your status as a person worthy of being pursued. I enjoyed dating, but, then, rejection (at least early on) didn't bother me at all and I liked getting to know new and different people, especially after many years of it being otherwise. Yes, budget some more money. It's a good way to spend it, IMHO.

[Ultralight]

Now that I'm about three months out from my partner leaving, I must apparently read as "happy and not insane", as random decent folks are asking me out, out-of-the-blue. It's very odd, I have zero experience in these matters. I have never been on a date in my life, for instance, if you don't count a few formal "dates" with my partner when we were teenagers.

I suppose I better budget more for coffee in town and such.

Have fun, amigo!