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Thread: Practical strategies to cope with being alone?

  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    You have inherited the anxiety. Anxiety disorders are characterized by rigid thinking such as I can only own 200 objects. It has also led to unrealistic expectations in a partner.

    You have a tendency towards depression. You have low self-esteem and have said the only reason a woman would want you is for your paycheck or to support her children from a previous relationship.

    It's too bad the 4 years of counseling did not lead you to a point where you can be happy. Maybe medication would help.
    WOW!!!!! This is an over the top post. I would totally disregard this. How dare this person judge or diagnose you based on what you have written! What degree do they hold or what makes them the expert? I would be insulted!

  2. #42
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    If despite years of efforts I could not be happy or sustain a relationship I'd be thinking of a way to bump up my serotonin levels.

    I think it is a practical strategy to cope with being alone (often used with the elderly once they live alone, among other populations). Frugal-one, the OP has asked for advice. What are your suggestions? Doing the same thing he has been doing will not produce different results, and he is stuck and unable to change his patterns with women despite SteveinMN and others suggesting self-analysis and change.

    And UL acknowledged my diagnoses of anxiety and depression are correct. Untreated these conditions could worsen. Already he feels each failed relationship has chipped away at him. Have you been reading his posts all along? How would you feel if he got worse and medication could have helped and no one suggested it?

    No I am not a professional in his state and I will not be prescribing it. And he probably will never take it anyways because that would mean giving up control, and anxiety is about fear of a loss of control.

  3. #43
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    I volunteer - a lot. Actually most of my current friendships were made through volunteering.

    I think "alone" is something completely different than "lonely". I spend a fair amount of time alone, but I rarely ever feel lonely.

  4. #44
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by frugal-one View Post
    WOW!!!!! This is an over the top post. I would totally disregard this. How dare this person judge or diagnose you based on what you have written! What degree do they hold or what makes them the expert? I would be insulted!
    UL takes criticism in stride ESPECIALLY when it is meant to be helpful.

    Jeppy, I hadnt made the connection between minimalist thinking and rigid thinking, but I certainly understand how a lot of physical objects in one’s environment can make one anxious. This is the time of year where crap enters our homes at an unprecedented rate and it makes me anxious in the social sense, not the clinical sense.

    Aw UL, I am sorry you are suffering. i think you are a great dude and I hope you find a path to make your life more enjoyable. Notice I did not say “hope you find someone to make your life more enjoyable” because it is more than a person you need in your life.

  5. #45
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    Due to heredity or childhood environment, I am an anxious person and can imagine all sorts of worrisome scenarios about myself if I go there. I also obsess on things. One thing I have noted about myself and other anxious personalities is that we can become (or are) totally self-absorbed. It takes continual effort to stay outer-directed and lessen most of those unpleasant thoughts, ie loneliness, fear, worry etc. Continue to try and reframe situations so they don't seem so awful. Perhaps a room-mate situation would make you feel less lonesome? You aren't an old man yet prone to illness and falls, so to worry about that now seems not worth the anguish.

  6. #46
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    What about a travel club? You seem pretty passionate about travel.
    I know a couple of people who found their mates on cruises.

  7. #47
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    In reading the posts since the last time I posted on this thread, I've come up with some more questions.

    - What is the essential difference between scuba-diving, rock-climbing, diving, and fishing as far as sociability? Each can be done individually or in groups. Certainly there should be a circle of fishing enthusiasts around Columbus. If a group is what you want.

    - I don't quite understand being "quite against medication" to address your depression. There are ways to increase serotonin levels without reaching for a prescription pad. But they can go only so far. If I were diabetic, diet and exercise might be enough to manage my diabetes. But if they weren't, what do I gain by being "quite against insulin"? And if taking insulin stabilized your physical condition long enough to let you address sub-symptoms (like excess weight or a lack of energy to exercise) and didn't have dramatic side effects, why wouldn't you want to take it?

    - Can there be a solid long-term relationship if you're what women in their late 30s "take [because it's] what they can get"? (btw, that's a low-self-esteem answer)

    - Is Columbus big enough to handle a person of your interests? Seriously. Might you do better in a suburb of NYC or in Seattle or in Austin, Texas?


    As Yppej pointed out, until you choose to change things, your results will stay the same. The changes do not have to be binary: "I'm no longer a minamalist! Bring on the Laura Ashley décor!" Counting 200 items is a convenient way to measure your minimalism. But I don't think you'd have to turn in your Minimalist Card (TM) if you took up with someone who had 350 items in her possession (hint: don't count them in her presence ). This stance is a little harder to take with kids, though you might consider widening your potential-mate field to someone in her early 40s whose kids are soon to leave the nest (perhaps you already have). Unless the issue really is the tie a mother will have to her kids for the rest of their lives, under her roof or not...
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  8. #48
    Senior Member Gardenarian's Avatar
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    Hi ultralight,

    Just curious - do you know what your Myers-Briggs type is?

  9. #49
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    There are many causes of anxiety. YOu may or may not inherit from your parents. You can develop it at any age due to hormones such as menopause or due to events in your life. Taking meds is an individual decision but it has helped many people for the better. Yes if you are serious about change you can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results. People only change when the pain of staying the same is greater then the pain of changing.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    If despite years of efforts I could not be happy or sustain a relationship I'd be thinking of a way to bump up my serotonin levels.

    I think it is a practical strategy to cope with being alone (often used with the elderly once they live alone, among other populations). Frugal-one, the OP has asked for advice. What are your suggestions? Doing the same thing he has been doing will not produce different results, and he is stuck and unable to change his patterns with women despite SteveinMN and others suggesting self-analysis and change.

    And UL acknowledged my diagnoses of anxiety and depression are correct. Untreated these conditions could worsen. Already he feels each failed relationship has chipped away at him. Have you been reading his posts all along? How would you feel if he got worse and medication could have helped and no one suggested it?

    No I am not a professional in his state and I will not be prescribing it. And he probably will never take it anyways because that would mean giving up control, and anxiety is about fear of a loss of control.
    UL asked for suggestions, NOT a diagnosis ... of which you are admittedly unqualified. I think UL is wise and will figure this out. Perhaps, others here have given him the impetus to figure out what he needs and wants.

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