Deal-breakers (severe allergies, gender/sexual orientation, substance usage/abuse, children, etc.) need to be addressed as soon as the need becomes evident.
This pretty well sums it up for me. We all have to put (relative) values on what's around us.Originally Posted by Alan
One of my dealbreakers was "no smokers". I'm sure there were women out there with whom I could have had an amazing relationship -- but they smoke. I cannot abide it. Can't even stand to walk by people who are smoking or whose clothes (and house and car...) smell of it. Yeah, I'm valuing the concept of being smoke-free more than the individual. The discussion of the health aspects of it are incidental. It's my choice.
Fortunately, for me, that restriction did not cause the universe of potential partners to approach zero. If it did, I might choose to re-evaluate how much I needed a partner over how much I needed a smoke-free life. (Interestingly, DW is an ex-smoker. So is another woman I was serious enough to marry. Both quit long before we got together, leading to interesting thoughts about how neither one of us would have progressed far as romantic partners earlier in our lives.) Sometimes, as in Tammy's situation, the dealbreaker is not a choice. For me -- and for UL -- it is.