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Thread: Practical strategies to cope with being alone?

  1. #141
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    I found out something interesting. The Minimalists, Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus are both partnered.
    Now, these two guys are arguably the most well-known and influential minimalists in the world. They have books, documentaries, a blog, a podcast, and they go on tours to spread minimalism.

    Ryan's partner, who he met after becoming successful is not a minimalist.

    Joshua's partner is a minimalist. But she was also a single mom, he appears to have taken on the co-parenting of her kid.

    This makes me think...

    These two guys who ought to have their pick of any minimalist woman in the country have chosen women who I would politely decline for deal breaker reasons. What am I to make of this? What are the implications?
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  2. #142
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Dude. I think you know.

  3. #143
    Simpleton Alan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    What am I to make of this?
    You value an ideology more than a potential life partner.
    What are the implications?
    You will be lonely until you bring balance into your life.
    "Things should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler." ~ Albert Einstein

  4. #144
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    I had dinner with a friend of mine last night. We're close enough to be candid.

    I had mentioned something that happened back in Arizona and referred to me "then wife."

    He said: "I always forget you were married. It is hard for me to believe you were ever married. You are the most individualistic person I have ever known. You live your life your way, you enjoy more solitude than anyone I know."

    I thought: "Is he trying to tell me something?"
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  5. #145
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    You go to extremes?

  6. #146
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    I found out something interesting. The Minimalists, Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus are both partnered.
    Now, these two guys are arguably the most well-known and influential minimalists in the world. They have books, documentaries, a blog, a podcast, and they go on tours to spread minimalism.

    Ryan's partner, who he met after becoming successful is not a minimalist.

    Joshua's partner is a minimalist. But she was also a single mom, he appears to have taken on the co-parenting of her kid.

    This makes me think...

    These two guys who ought to have their pick of any minimalist woman in the country have chosen women who I would politely decline for deal breaker reasons. What am I to make of this? What are the implications?
    You are more committed to deal breakers than the average guy? Your deal breakers have kept you single? Your ideologies are more important than your relationships?

    My son was talking to me last night about a 30-something woman he knows who broke up with a great guy about a year or so ago. So my son asked here what happened between you and them to cause the breakup. She said, "It was basically my cat." Turns out he has cat allergies and she adores her cat. She's about to get a picture of her cat tattooed on her arm.

    "So," I said to my son, "She basically has chosen a relationship with her cat over this guy?" I found that amazing. True, there could have been any number of other factors involved, but I think that some people just get too attached and comfortable with their single-life "must-have's". Her cat will only be around another few years, but B, a truly nice guy and definitely partner material, will be around, hopefully, for at least 50 years if he lives a normal lifespan. And he'll be sharing those years with someone else because his first love preferred her cat.

    ETA: The cat thing is just an example. Obviously I know that of all the deal breakers, ULs biggest one would be that he and Harlan are a package deal, and I get that. But then again, I'm a dog person, not a cat person.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  7. #147
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    You know UL, I’ve been accused of being a little “out there” but reading this thread, the thought occurred to me that things could be worse........you could have titled this thread, “Practical Strategies to Cope with Being Partnered.” Think about that and have a beer.

  8. #148
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I am a cat person. Allergies can be managed. What was she supposed to do, dump her beloved cat out on a street corner like a scene out of Breakfast at Tiffany's? Animals can get their hearts broken, too. I know countless people with allergies to cat dander who keep cats. I suspect it was his rigidity that sealed the deal.

  9. #149
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    I am a cat person. Allergies can be managed. What was she supposed to do, dump her beloved cat out on a street corner like a scene out of Breakfast at Tiffany's? Animals can get their hearts broken, too. I know countless people with allergies to cat dander who keep cats. I suspect it was his rigidity that sealed the deal.
    I know. I realize that. I think the key word is "management"--and that there are probably other reasons that relationship didn't work. And I joked about not being a cat person, but in truth I don't want any animal to suffer--that's why I'm mostly vegetarian and have shepherded mice from my home to the grasses in the creek behind my house rather than kill them.

    So that was probably a bad example, but I used it to show how certain things become prioritized in our lives over relationships. I wonder if it's a function of people getting married later these days? When I got married in my early 20s, I had had no time to get attached to anything.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  10. #150
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    When I was considering my marrying my DH, I was so concerned and caring about him, i asked him if he was really sure I was the right person for him and listed all my faults, emotionalism etc until he finally told me, "All we can do is try." He couldn't imagine not at least trying to be a couple despite our obvious joint human flaws. I couldn't imagine either. We saw each other as truly worthy and loveable.

    I don't understand all the reasons being mentioned in this thread. One either really cares the other and wants what is the best for the beloved or not. If one doesn't start out that way, how does one get through the stresses of married life? Why marry or partner someone without commitment from the outset?

    Part of me does understand somewhat though. Some have asked if I wish to remarry. I cannot now imagine sharing my freedom and space with another. I am content as I am so maybe that is the difference that is being explored here. What would make me change my thinking? I would love to have more hugs, more intellectual discussions but that is about all that I miss. Fun thinking about it!
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

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