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Thread: Practical strategies to cope with being alone?

  1. #251
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    If my DH were a minimalist he'd definitely be a bandit purger. But I could never, ever be. We have all the kids' stuff in our garage, and I have actually retrieved stuff of theirs from the curb that he put out there on garbage day. I think it's really disrespectful to throw out someone's stuff without asking them first. And my kids have even given me permission to get rid of the stuff! They don't even know what's in there, and they've been out of the house for 10 years+! I will almost definitely have a change of heart when I go to sell the house, though.

    BUT, I think a mom has the right to purge clothes from a six year old's closet, unless the child has a particular item of clothing that they love.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  2. #252
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    I am mostly against bandit purging. I want the person to want to purge.

    But I do think there are times when The State has the right and obligation to bandit purge. Case in point: Unsanitary or dangerous hoarding conditions.

  3. #253
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    My kids are a little older - ten and seven. I tell them I am going to clean out their dressers and anything that is torn, stained or wrong size will go. Usually, they start helping but quickly lose interest. You cannot expect a kid to want to purge - that is a boring activity.

  4. #254
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    When my kids were little I gave away their clothes and toys they outgrew and they knew that the stuff was going to foster homes for the kids. Occasionally they would meet one of the fosters because the parents or guardian wouldn’t be home on time so I would bring them home. People would be running late, etc and I would need to get home for my kids. As teens they would decide.

  5. #255
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    The minimalist mom told me this when we were having a drink: "I might be an over-purger!"

    I said: "No such thing!"

    And we both giggled.
    Wouldn't that depend on if she did binging first?

  6. #256
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    uL, at a recent garden club meeting, someone came to the meeting clutching Marie Kondo’s book and said “I was hoping to hook up with someone here to talk about de cluttering!”

    Even though I had already agreed to go out to lunch with others after the meeting, I went to lunch with the declutterer. We had lots of conversations about it.

  7. #257
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    When I was a kid, my parents "bandit purged" before every move. Dad was in the military, so we moved a lot.

    Looking back as an adult, I can understand why they did this. With seven kids, the amount of work they would have had to do to get all of us to sort through and discard some of our things would have been a major undertaking, and would have taken months of nagging. And some of my siblings still wouldn't have finished by moving day.

    However, this stealth purging led to us hiding things whenever we knew a move was coming. Let's just say that my parents did not always make good choices. Mom thought that I put a doll in a box in my dresser because I didn't like it anymore. In fact, it had been a gift from my grandmother. It was a doll she had had as a child. It was fragile, I loved it, and I was trying to take good care of it. And it got tossed. So we learned to cling to stuff, and hide it, because we weren't given the option to choose for ourselves what to keep and what to let go of. And when you are in a new house, new state or country, new school every year or two, having old, familiar things around you can be comforting. When those things are just suddenly gone one day when you come home from school, it is jarring.

    And we did not learn, as children, how to evaluate things and make choices about what to keep and what to donate/trash. I think this is an important skill that parents should teach children. For years after I was on my own, I kept everything, even things that I knew I should let go, because I didn't know how to let things go. My childhood had only taught me how to cling to things.

    I'm not a hoarder, but my home does get cluttered with stuff from time to time, and I have to force myself to deal with letting things go. It is still a bit difficult, but I have been able to set limits on how much/what things to keep, which has helped immensely.

  8. #258
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    uL, at a recent garden club meeting, someone came to the meeting clutching Marie Kondo’s book and said “I was hoping to hook up with someone here to talk about de cluttering!”

    Even though I had already agreed to go out to lunch with others after the meeting, I went to lunch with the declutterer. We had lots of conversations about it.
    Was she my type?

  9. #259
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    The minimalist mom gave me the old heave-ho today via email. She said she is taking a break from dated and wished me well.

    I thanked her for her candor and wished her well too. My guess is she was not interested in me in particular, but softened her message by saying she was taking a break from dating.

    Probably for the best, I don't think it could have worked anyway.

  10. #260
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear that, UL. But good for you for giving the relationship a shot.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

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