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Thread: Practical strategies to cope with being alone?

  1. #301
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    Tiam,
    all it takes is one or two buddies to make life much more enjoyable. You're old enough to join the local chapter of AARP, for instance. Here they have simple events like going to the movies together. Even sitting in a theater watching a film together with the option of a coffee before or after is a nice outing.
    I'd also suggest Meetup.com As others have said, online is where it's at these days and even trying a few get-togethers would be more activity than you have now. A book club, a pottery making class, or auditing a local college class. May be corny but it does work.

    And I don't know your living situation but there are a number of 55+ senior only apartments here in the metro Phoenix area. I've heard many stories of people who initially reluctantly moved into them only to find they really enjoyed being with others their age. You naturally start socializing at the pool, or in the mailroom area, or laundry room, etc. It's not forced, but they find themselves making acquaintances and then friends.

    There's plenty of other introverts out there, just take the first steps and you'll be glad you did.

  2. #302
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    UL, I love that metaphor of freezing.

    Another idea is atrophy, like muscle atrophy, ya know? —our social skills atrophy if we dont use them. Part of our social skills are skills to develop and maintain deep relationships.

    I am not a very social person and humans irritate me. Yet, I have to deal with the humans in order to accomplish the work that I think is important. Ugh, humans. I suppose I can complain about them because I have a richness of human interaction. But our deep friendships are much fewer because our friends are moving away.

    I will also say that in my experience strong bonds are formed with other people through work. I don’t mean you have to be friends with your colleagues at your paid job. I mean that the strong bonds with people in our neighborhood came through joint work projects, and then we would knock off and have beers and food.


    Already I am seeing the connections in our Herman place. I am recognizing the same names over and over who are leaders in the community who do the work at the history Museum, the arts Council‘s, etc. etc. It is already reminding me of this neighborhood. When I searched for a weekend house, I was looking for places that had strong social institutions.

  3. #303
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    IL, have your friends left St. Louis or just the neighborhood? Do you think you may move to Hermann full time? Team, I would join some meetup groups as others suggested. A friend of mine is 72 and not looking for a man. She joined a book club and a year later are happily living together. This is something she never thought would happen at her age.

  4. #304
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    It is looking more and more likely that we will move to Hermann permanently. In the next 18 months our two closest friends will be gone, and that is after seeing several move over the past five years. One is moving across the country, the other is moving within the region but 30 minutes away.

  5. #305
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    It is looking more and more likely that we will move to Hermann permanently. In the next 18 months our two closest friends will be gone, and that is after seeing several move over the past five years. One is moving across the country, the other is moving within the region but 30 minutes away.

    Wow!!! Big change! How are you feeling about that?
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  6. #306
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Yes that is a big change. Get the house completely done before you move otherwise you know what will happen)

  7. #307
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    Wow!!! Big change! How are you feeling about that?
    Every day now I think about not living in this house here in the city. I love our first floor because I thnk it is beautiful with its 11’ tall ceilings, crown molding, pink and green color scheme. It leads right into our outdoor space, a brick
    patio and stone steps up into flower and orchard. I love our first floor!

    I am indifferent to our 2nd floor (where it rains!) and our 3rd floor. The basement is good for storage. So yeah, I could move.

    oh, just heard more gunshots. 1,2,3,4,5,6, and counting. The brothers, they be out and about this afternoon. Fk that chit.

    But back to Hermann: it just occurred to me that we could lose all of our money and we could move to Hermann and be perfectly happy in that house the way it is. Taxes are $1000 annually. It has new windows and a new furnace. Functionally it is fine.

  8. #308
    Senior Member boss mare's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    I have a dang cold today. Which sucks...

    And it sucks more because I am sweating it out alone.
    to tie in with your other thread about your distain for the need for cell phones and this thread about what to do if you are alone and a life emergency happens ….
    You don't get it both ways . I myself had a wake up call about 10 years ago. I was bound and determined not to learn how to text. I drove me to distraction to see people texting on their phones and not holding a real conversation...….. And I was not going to have my phone on my person during working hours



    Until..... Warning full on grown up story here Might even be TMI or too much if you are squeamish




    I was in a dental office with a bunch of very very very young women . Even the Dr was young enough to be my daughter

    I was having some menstrual issues that was a new thing to me : irregular and very very heavy bleeding.. up until this time. I knew exactly when Aunt Flo would come and visit.
    So... I end up having a "flash flood" of epic proportions while assisting and a young patient in the chair. there was nothing I could do about it and I was stuck … The Dr had already left and I was supposed to finish up and escort the patient out. Well that was not doing to happen. I had sit in the operatory to holler for about 15 or so minutes to have someone form the front desk come and escort the patient out and had to gesture what my problem was and they could also get me what I needed to clean up, and get myself into the restroom. The parent of the patient was wondering if something was wrong because her kid was not out as soon as
    they should have. That all could have been avoided if I was able to text the gals in the front desk that I had an issue and come get the patient and could " clear" the hallway so I could make a "clean get away" to the employee bathroom. You better believe that I started to learn how to text that very afternoon AND I kept my phone on me..

  9. #309
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boss mare View Post
    to tie in with your other thread about your distain for the need for cell phones and this thread about what to do if you are alone and a life emergency happens ….
    You don't get it both ways . I myself had a wake up call about 10 years ago. I was bound and determined not to learn how to text. I drove me to distraction to see people texting on their phones and not holding a real conversation...….. And I was not going to have my phone on my person during working hours



    Until..... Warning full on grown up story here Might even be TMI or too much if you are squeamish




    I was in a dental office with a bunch of very very very young women . Even the Dr was young enough to be my daughter

    I was having some menstrual issues that was a new thing to me : irregular and very very heavy bleeding.. up until this time. I knew exactly when Aunt Flo would come and visit.
    So... I end up having a "flash flood" of epic proportions while assisting and a young patient in the chair. there was nothing I could do about it and I was stuck … The Dr had already left and I was supposed to finish up and escort the patient out. Well that was not doing to happen. I had sit in the operatory to holler for about 15 or so minutes to have someone form the front desk come and escort the patient out and had to gesture what my problem was and they could also get me what I needed to clean up, and get myself into the restroom. The parent of the patient was wondering if something was wrong because her kid was not out as soon as
    they should have. That all could have been avoided if I was able to text the gals in the front desk that I had an issue and come get the patient and could " clear" the hallway so I could make a "clean get away" to the employee bathroom. You better believe that I started to learn how to text that very afternoon AND I kept my phone on me..
    That is one hell of a story.

    Last week I actually had a moment when I wished I had a cell phone.

    Two of my coworkers resigned on the same day. So everyone went to lunch to celebrate.

    I was walking with a group of 5 of us downtown to the restaurant. We walked past the main bus station and there was a baby in a stroller. There was a man standing next to the stroller, looking into it, talking to the baby. I looked into this man's eyes and I knew he was crazy -- demented or mentally ill -- whatever you want to say. He was unstable and unhinged. As we walked past him he pointed into the stroller, looked at my coworkers and I, and shouted: "He will eat your heart!!!"

    So my suspicions about this madman were confirmed in this one statement.

    I don't know if this man knew the baby or was a stranger or where the mom was. We knew nothing except what we had seen.

    I am very protective of children and old people. Seeing that defenseless baby at risk and in danger because of this madman upset me. I told my coworkers: "We have to do something. We cannot just let that baby be in danger."

    To my utter surprise all my coworkers just wanted to ignore this and walk away.

    After debating with them what to do (or if to do anything at all) for a few minutes I finally asked one of them for their cell phone. I called the heat. I explained the situation and they sent out first-responders.

    During this whole episode I thought: "I wish I had a damn cell phone!"

  10. #310
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Yeah, a cell phone is a tool. It's up to us to regulate its use. And it's true that the ability to text definitely comes in handy. I think about the time my MIL and I split up in a department store, and we lost each other for 2 hours!! When I found her sitting on a couch in the corner of the store, we were both livid at each other. Or a similar time when we were leaving VT in two cars--my BIL/MIL in one and my DH/kids in another. We were going to meet at a certain place before taking off to our respective homes and we waited for them forever. We finally left and when we got home, my MIL said that BIL didn't feel like meeting us. (Yes, he's been a bit strange for a long time).

    Things like that don't happen anymore. "Where R U?" is SUCH a useful text message!!
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

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