Practical strategies to cope with being alone?

[Ultralight]

WOW!!!!! This is an over the top post. I would totally disregard this. How dare this person judge or diagnose you based on what you have written! What degree do they hold or what makes them the expert? I would be insulted!

Don't worry. I take it with a grain of salt.

[Ultralight]

If despite years of efforts I could not be happy or sustain a relationship I'd be thinking of a way to bump up my serotonin levels.

I think it is a practical strategy to cope with being alone (often used with the elderly once they live alone, among other populations). Frugal-one, the OP has asked for advice. What are your suggestions? Doing the same thing he has been doing will not produce different results, and he is stuck and unable to change his patterns with women despite SteveinMN and others suggesting self-analysis and change.

And UL acknowledged my diagnoses of anxiety and depression are correct. Untreated these conditions could worsen. Already he feels each failed relationship has chipped away at him. Have you been reading his posts all along? How would you feel if he got worse and medication could have helped and no one suggested it?

No I am not a professional in his state and I will not be prescribing it. And he probably will never take it anyways because that would mean giving up control, and anxiety is about fear of a loss of control.

Perhaps modernity is the cause of my purportedly low serotonin.

No, I am opposed to taking "meds" because I think that the causes of my anxiety and depression are almost entirely external. Why treat me when my environment is the cause?

[Ultralight]

People only change when the pain of staying the same is greater then the pain of changing.

I essentially agree.

[Ultralight]

Hi ultralight,

Just curious - do you know what your Myers-Briggs type is?

INFJ.

Yours?

[Ultralight]

- What is the essential difference between scuba-diving, rock-climbing, diving, and fishing as far as sociability? Each can be done individually or in groups. Certainly there should be a circle of fishing enthusiasts around Columbus. If a group is what you want.

Well, to be honest, I have met folks out fishing and they are often not the type whose personalities jive with mine (or vice versa!).

But the whole Scuba Idea has merit, like as a general principal. Don't you think?

- I don't quite understand being "quite against medication" to address your depression. There are ways to increase serotonin levels without reaching for a prescription pad. But they can go only so far. If I were diabetic, diet and exercise might be enough to manage my diabetes. But if they weren't, what do I gain by being "quite against insulin"? And if taking insulin stabilized your physical condition long enough to let you address sub-symptoms (like excess weight or a lack of energy to exercise) and didn't have dramatic side effects, why wouldn't you want to take it?

I don't want to take "meds" because I don't think that I am the problem. The problem, I think, is external -- other people and our society, our culture.

- Can there be a solid long-term relationship if you're what women in their late 30s "take [because it's] what they can get"? (btw, that's a low-self-esteem answer)

I don't quite get the question. But I did not mean my phrasing to sound harsh. But if you have $5k to buy a car, and you need a car, you are going to take what you can get. Hopefully it is a used Honda with one-owner and no crashes.

- Is Columbus big enough to handle a person of your interests? Seriously. Might you do better in a suburb of NYC or in Seattle or in Austin, Texas?

Friends have told me for a few years now to move to the PNW. And I am considering it... But it would be a real endeavor.

As Yppej pointed out, until you choose to change things, your results will stay the same. The changes do not have to be binary: "I'm no longer a minamalist! Bring on the Laura Ashley décor!" Counting 200 items is a convenient way to measure your minimalism. But I don't think you'd have to turn in your Minimalist Card (TM) if you took up with someone who had 350 items in her possession (hint: don't count them in her presence ). This stance is a little harder to take with kids, though you might consider widening your potential-mate field to someone in her early 40s whose kids are soon to leave the nest (perhaps you already have). Unless the issue really is the tie a mother will have to her kids for the rest of their lives, under her roof or not...

I would be open to dating a woman whose kids are launched.

If I met a woman with 350 items I'd marry her!

[iris lilies]

Every state in the PNW has an African American population that is significantly lower than your state. There is that to consider, not a positive when ‘woman shopping’ for you.

[Ultralight]

Every state in the PNW has an African American population that is significantly lower than your state. There is that to consider, not a positive when ‘woman shopping’ for you.

I know. But I am trying to broaden my preferences.

[Yppej]

Well Spokane has Rachel Dolezal.

[JaneV2.0]

It seems the PNW would be ideal for someone who wanted to remain alone.
http://kuow.org/post/seattle-freeze-real-thing

"I don't want to take "meds" because I don't think that I am the problem. The problem, I think, is external -- other people and our society, our culture." Or, as the old saying goes--everyone's out of step but you. I think I remember you've considered women from simpler cultures. Perhaps you should have another go at that.

[Ultralight]

Well Spokane has Rachel Dolezal.

Am I allowed to LOL at that?