Page 5 of 8 FirstFirst ... 34567 ... LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 74

Thread: Lopsided relationships?

  1. #41
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,248
    Hi steve, i think we are in agreement, and your insides to outsides comment is more clear than my post.

    Not really sure why i commented now anyway

  2. #42
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Saint Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    6,618
    Quote Originally Posted by Zoe Girl View Post
    Hi steve, i think we are in agreement, and your insides to outsides comment is more clear than my post.

    Not really sure why i commented now anyway
    No worries, ZG. It's dots on a screen; sometimes the reception goes awry.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  3. #43
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    10,216
    Quote Originally Posted by pony mom View Post
    I think UL has possibly never been totally head over heels in love.
    I think falling head over heels in love is something you do when you're in the 18-24 range. But I can tell you, all my emotions have dulled with time and experience. I doubt I could fall in love now the way I did in my early 20s.

    And I remember falling in love head over heels. It felt crazy, out of control, and precarious.

  4. #44
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    4,192
    All things ultralite prefers to avoid.

    maybe you should advertise. I’m not sure you’re actually looking for an emotional connection. In some ways you remind me of my father in law. He’s opposed to any chemical substances (including prescription pain relief - knee replacement with three Tylenol anyone?) because he doesn’t believe in “losing control”. He stays active because he doesn’t want to be in a nursing home but has no actual interest in any form of exercise or sport-like recreation. He likes his food plain and nutritionally sound, has no interest in luxuries, travels a lot and finds it “intellectually stimulating” and appears fond of his family. I truly doubt that he loves his wife in any way that I would define as “Love”, but she fills her role in his life suitably. I’m not sure she’s actually capable of loving anyone in the sense that involves seeing them as an individual, so I guess it works out ok. A well screened mail order bride would have suited him perfectly. If mil predeceases him, she will probably be replaced adequately with a housekeeper as he once informed dh that after 50 sex is no longer important.

    otoh, when I imagine the possibility of life without dh (he is two years older than me and male) even life securely provided for and surrounded by my family - i feel fear and dismay. I have repeatedly told dh he is not allowed to die. Even after 27 years of marriage, head over heels shows up surprisingly often.

  5. #45
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Phoenix
    Posts
    2,777
    I love your descriptions! 😄

    I becoming more like your pragmatic father in law as I age. At age 19 I was in love and not using my rational mind to make decisions. I'm still married to the same man I fell in love with. But I'm pragmatic now.

  6. #46
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    8,306
    Things like "love" or "happiness" may simply be impossible to treat as problems that can be solved with a checklist approach or through a therapeutic culture (with or without chemicals).

    At least in my case, they have been things I blundered into rather than things I defined, targeted and acquired.

    My best advice on this topic is "hope to get lucky and expend more effort trying to be worthy of what you're given than examining it for imperfections".

  7. #47
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    7,454
    Quote Originally Posted by LDAHL View Post

    expend more effort trying to be worthy of what you're given than examining it for imperfections".
    I love this. I am going to print this out and make it my motto for 2018. Seriously.

  8. #48
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    5,037
    Quote Originally Posted by LDAHL View Post
    Things like "love" or "happiness" may simply be impossible to treat as problems that can be solved with a checklist approach or through a therapeutic culture (with or without chemicals).

    At least in my case, they have been things I blundered into rather than things I defined, targeted and acquired.

    My best advice on this topic is "hope to get lucky and expend more effort trying to be worthy of what you're given than examining it for imperfections".
    Positive attitude!

  9. #49
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    9,656
    My best advice on this topic is "hope to get lucky and expend more effort trying to be worthy of what you're given than examining it for imperfections".
    I definitely think that going back and forth on whether one is in love or not is examining for imperfections, it is like wondering if one is happy or not much of the time - it is neither here nor there. Yea if one is in a relationship they should emphasize the good parts of a partner (this doesn't mean total blindness mind you and they aren't forced to stay either but if they plan to ...), and that is love as a verb.
    Trees don't grow on money

  10. #50
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    10,216
    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    All things ultralite prefers to avoid.

    maybe you should advertise. I’m not sure you’re actually looking for an emotional connection. In some ways you remind me of my father in law. He’s opposed to any chemical substances (including prescription pain relief - knee replacement with three Tylenol anyone?) because he doesn’t believe in “losing control”. He stays active because he doesn’t want to be in a nursing home but has no actual interest in any form of exercise or sport-like recreation. He likes his food plain and nutritionally sound, has no interest in luxuries, travels a lot and finds it “intellectually stimulating” and appears fond of his family. I truly doubt that he loves his wife in any way that I would define as “Love”, but she fills her role in his life suitably. I’m not sure she’s actually capable of loving anyone in the sense that involves seeing them as an individual, so I guess it works out ok. A well screened mail order bride would have suited him perfectly. If mil predeceases him, she will probably be replaced adequately with a housekeeper as he once informed dh that after 50 sex is no longer important.

    otoh, when I imagine the possibility of life without dh (he is two years older than me and male) even life securely provided for and surrounded by my family - i feel fear and dismay. I have repeatedly told dh he is not allowed to die. Even after 27 years of marriage, head over heels shows up surprisingly often.
    1. I am going to try to keep having sex as long as I am physically capable. And Viagra is one drug I would probably take!
    2. I got my wisdom teeth out at 31. I took Tylenol too. Did nothing for me.
    3. I am not like your FIL in the foodie sense, as I love me a good Indian buffet!
    4. I think trying to stay out of a nursing home is a damn good goal and I am on board with that.
    5. As far as the well-screened mail order bride, I will say my BIL thinks this would be good for me. Though he notes there are lots of immigrants already in Columbus and thinks I should date some of them first. But he "definitely" thinks I should date a woman from the third world, preferably somewhere in Asia.

    CL: I think it is great that you love your man so much, especially after all these years! I admire it. I am envious too. Good on you all!

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •