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Thread: Lopsided relationships?

  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by LDAHL View Post
    Things like "love" or "happiness" may simply be impossible to treat as problems that can be solved with a checklist approach or through a therapeutic culture (with or without chemicals).

    At least in my case, they have been things I blundered into rather than things I defined, targeted and acquired.

    My best advice on this topic is "hope to get lucky and expend more effort trying to be worthy of what you're given than examining it for imperfections".
    Might be time to write that book, amigo. And I am not joking. Write a book, about something! Anything. You have my word: I will purchase and read it.

    Okay, regarding your points. I feel like I agree 75%.
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  2. #52
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    Well, we now know that ultralite is not opposed to ALL recreational drugs.
    but i’m With ya on that one.

    also, In my experience, most immigrants make good food. Some of the best meals I ever ate were the potlucks at international women’s group when I was in my 20s! So, if you can appreciate it - bonus. Find a culture that more closely matches yours!

  3. #53
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    Btw, I wasn’t saying you wouldn’t love your wife if you had one, just that you seem more the “fondness and companionship” type (with sex) where you one day are surprised by loving this person, as opposed to the “marry the person you can’t live without” type.

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post

    also, In my experience, most immigrants make good food. Some of the best meals I ever ate were the potlucks at international women’s group when I was in my 20s! So, if you can appreciate it - bonus. Find a culture that more closely matches yours!
    Are you being serious or mocking me?
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    Btw, I wasn’t saying you wouldn’t love your wife if you had one, just that you seem more the “fondness and companionship” type (with sex) where you one day are surprised by loving this person, as opposed to the “marry the person you can’t live without” type.
    Well, you might be right to a degree. But I will say, when I partner with someone I tend to be protective, giving, caring, and considerate. To me, this is how a person acts toward their partner.
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  6. #56
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    Right - driven by a sense of honor, not by a deep seated need to protect and care for the single most important person in your world (not mocking or criticizing you) “to me this is how a person acts...” is not the same as “I cannot be happy if you are unhappy.” Love for you is more weighted toward the social contract end - for me it’s more weighted toward the irrational, impulsive end. I don’t think either of us would trade.

    also, I was serious about the food. Many people put “good cook” in their desirables list. But the definition of “good” varies.

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    Right - driven by a sense of honor, not by a deep seated need to protect and care for the single most important person in your world (not mocking or criticizing you) “to me this is how a person acts...” is not the same as “I cannot be happy if you are unhappy.” Love for you is more weighted toward the social contract end - for me it’s more weighted toward the irrational, impulsive end. I don’t think either of us would trade.

    also, I was serious about the food. Many people put “good cook” in their desirables list. But the definition of “good” varies.
    Doing the right thing, sure, that matters.
    But an ex of mine, who I was with three years,had a surgery and had to be off work recovering for 2 solid weeks. She could not lift anything or bend all the way over. She could not drive. She just had to sit around healing, resting, and taking her meds.

    I met her at the hospital at 6am. Her sister brought her there. I stayed with her through the processing in and until they put her under.
    I was there when she woke up. I spent each day after her surgery at her house -- after work, on the weekends. I took care of her dogs, I cooked for her, timed her meds, and so on.

    I did these things because I loved her deeply. I wanted to help her get better. I wanted to hold her so close to me that I could take on some of the pain and discomfort so she did not have to feel it.
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post

    also, I was serious about the food. Many people put “good cook” in their desirables list. But the definition of “good” varies.
    Oh yeah! I love ethnic food of the home cooked variety. This is why I go to the Northland area every weekend! Somali, Kenyan, Nepali, Nigerian, South Indian, etc. Love this stuff. If I married a woman who cooked any of these cuisines well I'd do the dishes, vacuum the apartment, and scrub the bathroom. haha
    Balance of labor!
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  9. #59
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    And you broke up because?

  10. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    And you broke up because?
    CL... she was a hoarder. And splitting with her was utterly heartbreaking. I still dream about her.
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

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