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Thread: Lopsided relationships?

  1. #71
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    You know those women who seem a little dull may also be introverts who take time to warm up and be comfortable. I imagine I am not the best first date, sometimes I get really outgoing but it is so goofy that it is not that appealing either. My best relationships have been with people I have gotten to know well first, developing from a friendship.

    I am getting used to the invisible age of being over 50 and with white hair.

  2. #72
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    So what I am thinking is that maybe these women who seem dull or boring are worth really digging deeper into and getting to know more. Perhaps when they open up they'd be more fun. Perhaps spark and chemistry are overrated and determination and stick-to-it are more important.

    Thoughts?
    Not to be too Socratic about it, but what makes these women seem dull or boring to you? That there are no commonalities of interest? That they don't seem really outgoing or vivacious? Something else?

    Dates are somewhat artificial environments, IMHO, but I think in the space of a couple of hours together two people can detect if they want to get to know each other better. In fact, my only criterion for ever going on any date -- first, fifth, two-hundredth -- was whether I was interested enough in my date to spend more time with her. (Of course, she used the same criterion, sometimes among others.) At some point, one of us (sometimes both) decided that going on more dates was not going to change our minds about each other and the relationship ended (or we married ). Identifying a dealbreaker (on either side), I think, pretty well kills off interest in wanting to get to know someone better, so those must be taken into account. But "do I want to go on?" got me (I'm sure, both of us) past the awkward early dates and ended relationships that might have continued with a minimal comfort level (and/or sex) even though one or both of us were eyeing the exit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken Lady
    you can go out and have “fun” with your friends and come home happy to a person who is happy to see you and glad you are happy.
    This is an important point! One of the keys to my relationship with DW is that we do not expect each other to fulfill our every need and want. I have friends (male and female) with whom I do things in which DW has zero interest or ability -- and vice versa. We've agreed it's good to have those people in our lives and that it does not detract from the life the two of share. Having married in our 50s, DW and I were complete people when we met. Living together calls for compromise but it does not require us to give up significant portions of who we are.
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  3. #73
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    I remember minimal chemistry with just abput everyone until they made me laugh for the first time. After that, I was in.

    Sometimes that took weeks.

  4. #74
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    I remember minimal chemistry with just abput everyone until they made me laugh for the first time. After that, I was in.

    Sometimes that took weeks.
    I'm the impatient type.

    That was key to one of my loves; he was co-teaching a class, and his sense of humor was apparent from the start. I think fondly of him to this day.

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