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Thread: Lopsided relationships?

  1. #41
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    Hi steve, i think we are in agreement, and your insides to outsides comment is more clear than my post.

    Not really sure why i commented now anyway

  2. #42
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoe Girl View Post
    Hi steve, i think we are in agreement, and your insides to outsides comment is more clear than my post.

    Not really sure why i commented now anyway
    No worries, ZG. It's dots on a screen; sometimes the reception goes awry.
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  3. #43
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pony mom View Post
    I think UL has possibly never been totally head over heels in love.
    I think falling head over heels in love is something you do when you're in the 18-24 range. But I can tell you, all my emotions have dulled with time and experience. I doubt I could fall in love now the way I did in my early 20s.

    And I remember falling in love head over heels. It felt crazy, out of control, and precarious.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  4. #44
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    All things ultralite prefers to avoid.

    maybe you should advertise. I’m not sure you’re actually looking for an emotional connection. In some ways you remind me of my father in law. He’s opposed to any chemical substances (including prescription pain relief - knee replacement with three Tylenol anyone?) because he doesn’t believe in “losing control”. He stays active because he doesn’t want to be in a nursing home but has no actual interest in any form of exercise or sport-like recreation. He likes his food plain and nutritionally sound, has no interest in luxuries, travels a lot and finds it “intellectually stimulating” and appears fond of his family. I truly doubt that he loves his wife in any way that I would define as “Love”, but she fills her role in his life suitably. I’m not sure she’s actually capable of loving anyone in the sense that involves seeing them as an individual, so I guess it works out ok. A well screened mail order bride would have suited him perfectly. If mil predeceases him, she will probably be replaced adequately with a housekeeper as he once informed dh that after 50 sex is no longer important.

    otoh, when I imagine the possibility of life without dh (he is two years older than me and male) even life securely provided for and surrounded by my family - i feel fear and dismay. I have repeatedly told dh he is not allowed to die. Even after 27 years of marriage, head over heels shows up surprisingly often.

  5. #45
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    I love your descriptions! 😄

    I becoming more like your pragmatic father in law as I age. At age 19 I was in love and not using my rational mind to make decisions. I'm still married to the same man I fell in love with. But I'm pragmatic now.

  6. #46
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    Things like "love" or "happiness" may simply be impossible to treat as problems that can be solved with a checklist approach or through a therapeutic culture (with or without chemicals).

    At least in my case, they have been things I blundered into rather than things I defined, targeted and acquired.

    My best advice on this topic is "hope to get lucky and expend more effort trying to be worthy of what you're given than examining it for imperfections".

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by LDAHL View Post

    expend more effort trying to be worthy of what you're given than examining it for imperfections".
    I love this. I am going to print this out and make it my motto for 2018. Seriously.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by LDAHL View Post
    Things like "love" or "happiness" may simply be impossible to treat as problems that can be solved with a checklist approach or through a therapeutic culture (with or without chemicals).

    At least in my case, they have been things I blundered into rather than things I defined, targeted and acquired.

    My best advice on this topic is "hope to get lucky and expend more effort trying to be worthy of what you're given than examining it for imperfections".
    Positive attitude!

  9. #49
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    My best advice on this topic is "hope to get lucky and expend more effort trying to be worthy of what you're given than examining it for imperfections".
    I definitely think that going back and forth on whether one is in love or not is examining for imperfections, it is like wondering if one is happy or not much of the time - it is neither here nor there. Yea if one is in a relationship they should emphasize the good parts of a partner (this doesn't mean total blindness mind you and they aren't forced to stay either but if they plan to ...), and that is love as a verb.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  10. #50
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    All things ultralite prefers to avoid.

    maybe you should advertise. I’m not sure you’re actually looking for an emotional connection. In some ways you remind me of my father in law. He’s opposed to any chemical substances (including prescription pain relief - knee replacement with three Tylenol anyone?) because he doesn’t believe in “losing control”. He stays active because he doesn’t want to be in a nursing home but has no actual interest in any form of exercise or sport-like recreation. He likes his food plain and nutritionally sound, has no interest in luxuries, travels a lot and finds it “intellectually stimulating” and appears fond of his family. I truly doubt that he loves his wife in any way that I would define as “Love”, but she fills her role in his life suitably. I’m not sure she’s actually capable of loving anyone in the sense that involves seeing them as an individual, so I guess it works out ok. A well screened mail order bride would have suited him perfectly. If mil predeceases him, she will probably be replaced adequately with a housekeeper as he once informed dh that after 50 sex is no longer important.

    otoh, when I imagine the possibility of life without dh (he is two years older than me and male) even life securely provided for and surrounded by my family - i feel fear and dismay. I have repeatedly told dh he is not allowed to die. Even after 27 years of marriage, head over heels shows up surprisingly often.
    1. I am going to try to keep having sex as long as I am physically capable. And Viagra is one drug I would probably take!
    2. I got my wisdom teeth out at 31. I took Tylenol too. Did nothing for me.
    3. I am not like your FIL in the foodie sense, as I love me a good Indian buffet!
    4. I think trying to stay out of a nursing home is a damn good goal and I am on board with that.
    5. As far as the well-screened mail order bride, I will say my BIL thinks this would be good for me. Though he notes there are lots of immigrants already in Columbus and thinks I should date some of them first. But he "definitely" thinks I should date a woman from the third world, preferably somewhere in Asia.

    CL: I think it is great that you love your man so much, especially after all these years! I admire it. I am envious too. Good on you all!
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

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