Page 7 of 8 FirstFirst ... 5678 LastLast
Results 61 to 70 of 74

Thread: Lopsided relationships?

  1. #61
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    4,192
    I am sorry.

  2. #62
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    10,216
    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    I am sorry.
    Thanks. I appreciate it. It has been over for a little longer than a year.

  3. #63
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    9,656
    it may be why I am with my bf is we are actually very similar people, not clones really, but more like variations on a theme. It wasn't a checklist, it was more like in the movies, when you would quote some really obscure thing that almost only you would have any interest in (no not that was online anywhere or anything, nothing anyone could know about you) and the other person could answer, and it was like: oh my. That type of serendipity. Well and I really liked some traits. And mostly it is sustained by enjoying each others company.

    I would be the last person that would ever say I am good at relationships (I don't even know if this will last ...). I am much more an authority on what doesn't work. I'm kind of an expert on that as I've mostly done the single thing. And looking for head over heels in love is definitely something that doesn't work, because all it leads to is wondering if there is something else out there, and dumping the person your with for that mirage (and it is a mirage) repeatedly. I'm actually somewhat sympathetic to arranged marriages, the complete opposite. I think we learn to love people, and that arranged marriages do assure that everyone has someone (but really suck if you *already* have someone and have to do the arranged marriage instead!).
    Trees don't grow on money

  4. #64
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    4,192
    My Dd married fairly young. Only a few of her friends are married or seriously partnered, and most of them do not come from families where the marriages are still mostly intact. she got in a conversation with one of them where the friend said “I don’t know. I just keep wondering if I would be happier with someone else.” And Dd said “you would be.” And the friend was shocked: “What?!” Dd: “for a while. And then you’d just have a new set of issues. If you think this is going to be fun all the time, you’re crazy.”

    my kids have decribed my relationship this way “mom and dad don’t like any of the same things (exaggeration) but mom likes dad, and dad likes mom, so it works for them.”

  5. #65
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    7,454
    We do like many of the same things, and delight in spending time together. I think both of us feel lost without the other. I think the word lopsided implies a lot of judgments that I don't want to make--if it works for the folks involved and they are happy, then who am I to judge?

  6. #66
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    10,216
    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    My Dd married fairly young. Only a few of her friends are married or seriously partnered, and most of them do not come from families where the marriages are still mostly intact. she got in a conversation with one of them where the friend said “I don’t know. I just keep wondering if I would be happier with someone else.” And Dd said “you would be.” And the friend was shocked: “What?!” Dd: “for a while. And then you’d just have a new set of issues. If you think this is going to be fun all the time, you’re crazy.”
    Definitely some good insight there.

  7. #67
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    10,216
    Something else worth mentioning on this thread: "Spark" and "Chemistry."

    I have gone on some dates with women and while they check off most things on my list the dates were boring and the conversation was slow and dull. There was not much flirting or laughing.

    I have then politely declined these women after a date or two because I thought: "There is no spark" or "We don't have a chemistry."

    But after reflecting for the past few weeks I have realized that I will go on dates or meet women with whom I have lots of spark and chemistry, the conversations are lively and fun, and we laugh a lot.

    But! These women with who I have so much spark are totally not relationship material to me. They have some real deal breaker issues or dysfunctional personalities.

    So what I am thinking is that maybe these women who seem dull or boring are worth really digging deeper into and getting to know more. Perhaps when they open up they'd be more fun. Perhaps spark and chemistry are overrated and determination and stick-to-it are more important.

    Thoughts?

  8. #68
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    4,192
    Give it a try. What you’re doing isn’t working.

    i am possibly the most aggravating woman dh has ever met. As you know, I am a hoarder. If dh didn’t have a piano and a roll top desk, he could pack everything in this house that matters to him in his car. (Not the tools in the workshop though) But for him, the rollercoaster ride matters. For you, it isn’t enough.

    so, over time, we have come closer over the things that didn’t matter as much - compromises! Work arounds, even changes in ourselves!

    it is totally possible that given a comfortable, compatible place to start you could fan a warm glow into a flame.

    Also - you can go out and have “fun” with your friends and come home happy to a person who is happy to see you and glad you are happy. Been doing it for years.

  9. #69
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    89
    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    So what I am thinking is that maybe these women who seem dull or boring are worth really digging deeper into and getting to know more. Perhaps when they open up they'd be more fun. Perhaps spark and chemistry are overrated and determination and stick-to-it are more important.

    Thoughts?
    You really should try reading The Road Less Traveled. It's not perfect, but there's good stuff in it if you keep an open mind.

  10. #70
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    15,489
    I'm sure I've scuttled a few solid relationships because the chemistry wasn't there. As a young woman, I was scandalized when a co-worker remarked that she wouldn't bother with someone she didn't want to sleep with, but I grew to agree with her, for the most part.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •