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Thread: Drunkenness, Dementia & Dysfunction in a Big Cloud of Cigarette Smoke

  1. #51
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Quote Originally Posted by rosarugosa View Post
    I'm sorry Saguaro. These are such difficult situations to navigate.
    I was talking with my MIL the other night, and she said she wants to live alone again and thinks she would be fine alone (in her vast story old house, although she cannot bathe independently, clean house, get laundry to/from the basement, etc). I mentioned that it might be good to put a small bath on the first floor, repurposing her front hall closet. She smiled at me and said, "oh no, I would never give up my hall closet!" This from a woman who has only been out of the house once since last August for an MD appointment. She needs the hall closet in her current circumstances just as much as she needs a unicycle. I guess we do get set in our ways.
    Oy vey.

  2. #52
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Rosa, we made similar suggestions to my parents for years, urging them to make a bedroom out of the back parlor and expand the downstairs bathroom. They reacted much as your mil.
    They are now in assisted living due to Dad's falls and mom's dementia. They did get to live at home for 5 more years than made any sense for them, and that is what they wanted. We did not have a family member living with them; they did not want that.
    I guess my advice, not that you asked for it, lol, is that sometimes parents will do what they will do and nothing reasonable you say will help stave off a bad situation. On the other hand, they lived as they wanted for much longer than they should have, so I suppose in the long run their stubbornness was rewarded somewhat.
    Your mil might be much better off in assisted living, given the dynamics of the family and the nature of the house. Maybe you could take her to look at some nice places, and she might surprise you. Or maybe not.

    I just am learning it is a true al anon situation--you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. You can just do the best you can and roll with whatever happens.

  3. #53
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    beyond the pale
    A personal experience: towards the end of her life we had my Mom evaluated by the state Medicaid office for eligibility for the nursing home. By then her series of small strokes had clouded her brain (although dementia was not formally diagnosed) and she was telling the nurse/intake worker who visited her at home things like "we didn't give her any food." Fortunately I was there and pointed out the dirty dishes in the sink from the breakfast that my Mom had just eaten.
    Point is, I can see where caregivers might be accused of things based on the word of an already mentally compromised family member, so getting an objective evaluation from a medical doctor on the record can be important to have early on.

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