Thank you all, i found a counselor type to pay to talk to for 30 minutes today. We all agree that i need to move on and he was able to see that my self confidence is very low. So to get out and meanwhile try to take orders (even when he isn't sure what he is ordering me to do). I have experience that informs what i do and i have no problem laying that out, offering data and information, and adjusting. However that really isn't what is being asked.
I saw one job training workers at places like goodwill. The mindfulness non profit i am an instructor for is also booming, their goal is to have full time instructors with a living wage and benefits. Possibly in the year but they understand i need to do what i need to do now. I offered to do any weekend trainings now, and they offered to be a reference for me. That is a boost, just going to the brunch yesterday means my depression isn't as severe as I sometimes think.
Oooh found a consignment opportunity for my dragonsand tiny backpacks!! A witchy type store that wants bags to wear as necklaces