Eating disorder questions

[Chicken lady]

i have a student with an eating disorder. She says she is not anorexic, she just can’t eat. She has a lot of anxiety around germs and contamination. She wants to gain weight.

she now has a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and a nutritionist. She sat at my feet at lunch today and shared her new eating plan (from her nutritionist) with me. She was very pleased with herself because she got a star yesterday and was on track for a star today.

i can’t talk to her parents because in two years they have never responded to me.

i need basic advice, like do I ask her tomorrow if she got her star.

i want her to know that I care, I want to give her support, and the last thing I want is to become another point of stress and control.

Does anybody have any experience with this area?

[Yppej]

I was borderline anorexic though not due to germaphobia. My brother's ex-fiancee was bulimic and hospitalized.

A member of the Little Rock Nine would only eat packaged foods because people had threatened to poison her. Any trauma in this girl's life that could be manifesting itself in her diet?

My son had OCD and also likes his food packaged. He does not want to eat produce because a bug could have crawled on it. He will not eat organic thibgs because he says chemicals are needed to kill germs. I cannot reason with him.

What is the eating plan? How old is the girl? Since she brought it up I do not think it is off limits.

[Chicken lady]

The girl is 15. The eating plan involves having her eat twice on school days (so she only has to eat at home) and 5 times on weekend days during specific windows. It involves specific food choices for each time to balance her nutrition, increase her calories, and slowly expand her food choices.

this week if she has a regular soda or naturally high sugar juice drink instead of her usual diet soda, she is allowed to pick from a long list for her bedtime snack instead of eating the high calorie assigned food.

there is a lot of trauma in her life. I seem to be in her top 5 reliable adults.

[Yppej]

I'm glad you are there for her.

[Zoe Girl]

I would be lovely and gentle, not pushing the food but you could ask. It seems you have a good sense of this girl and can tell if you are stressing her out. I know my son's girlfriend has been such a picky eater we all cheer when she tries something like a new vegetable. It took a couple years of living with us for her stress to reduce, to actually grow some fingernails instead of biting, and eat better.

My sister was anorexic and bulimic as soon as I left for college, talk about guilt! She took years to eat normally, not secretly throw up or restrict too much. She really didn't get any treatment because they wanted to put her in a hospital and my parents said no. I struggled with eating, I didn't like being bothered with it, some textures bothered me, I still get so distracted that I forget and space it out. I feel better eating vegetarian, my body feels good eating meat but eventually I start to get anxiety about what I am eating and then meat has to go again. I even started getting some things like vegan butter and creamer, but I am eating eggs and cheese. I am also nervous about getting too nervous about what I eat! Haha, can't win.

[BikingLady]

I wonder if this is like other mental illness? When I was told to eat, just eat something...I ate nothing as I could control that part of my life as a teen. My son has a mental illness. I have struggled to Not ask How is Life going? How are you doing? Why don't you do X? I have been taught not to do the things as he will tell me if and what he would need. Yesterday he said very Kindly, that when I ask he understands I am being nice, but it feels like badgering and pressuring.

Perhaps just knowing you care and are there for her is enough and really all you can do. Those are my thoughts with my son and he thanks me and says he knows I care.

[Chicken lady]

There have been a couple of times when she has gained some weight and told me, and I have cheered for her, but she has never given me this much detail about what is going on with her food-wise, so I wasn’t sure if I should respond to that by asking further. like, when a friend tells you all about their new plan to train for a marathon, or make a quilt, or eat better, and then you see them a couple days later, you ask “how’s the (training, quilt, vegetable challenge) going? Because it shows that you care about them. But maybe I will just wait for her to tell me how it’s going. I don’t want her to feel like I am one more person trying to “fix” her.

[JaneV2.0]

There have been a couple of times when she has gained some weight and told me, and I have cheered for her, but she has never given me this much detail about what is going on with her food-wise, so I wasn’t sure if I should respond to that by asking further. like, when a friend tells you all about their new plan to train for a marathon, or make a quilt, or eat better, and then you see them a couple days later, you ask “how’s the (training, quilt, vegetable challenge) going? Because it shows that you care about them. But maybe I will just wait for her to tell me how it’s going. I don’t want her to feel like I am one more person trying to “fix” her.

That seems like the best plan.

[Williamsmith]

CL, it does not sound like she is looking to be fixed by anyone. It sounds like she already has three professionals involved in that. It sounds like she needs someone who accepts her as she is, can affirm her value and beauty, and will share her struggles without judging. And I think you are doing a wonderful job providing for those needs. As a teacher, you are in a unique position that displays how education is much more than just learning. You are making young lives be the best person they can be.

My wife and I were at a restaurant last night and a little girl about seven came in with her daddy. My wife called her name and waved at her. She smiled back as only a little child can. Her daddy smiled too. My wife leaned over and said, “She gave me a hug the other day and said how much she misses her mommy. Mom is in jail.” After dinner on their way out the little girl ran up to my wife and gave her a big hug. That really touched me.

I think being a teacher is like being served up a big plate of opportunity every day. It sounds to me like you are answering the call and making a difference in her life. All it takes is being there in a caring way. Nice job.

[Teacher Terry]

So glad that the girl has you to talk to CL) It sounds like you are a positive influence in her life.