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Thread: had the communication meeting

  1. #1
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    had the communication meeting

    Last week after I got an email from my supervisor saying that I was impossible to supervise because I refused to take feedback I stopped by the office of his supervisor and asked if there were any resources to help us communicate better. I emphasized my intention to improve communication without laying blame, and she offered to help us with the conversation. It was scheduled today and I have been super nervous. A lot of this related to my one staff with all the issues and what happened last week.

    I thought she did a great job of leading this conversation so that was good. I got to go first, talk about what was working and what wasn't and give some of my perspective. Then she checked in with him and there were some things we were in agreement on. We then spent a lot of time on what happened last week, I had called before I offered anything to my staff and I didn't get an answer about what to do. It was the hardest, most complicated situation I have had in a long time. So I made a decision that was obviously wrong. We talked about that the next day and then as a follow up email I heard the 'impossible to supervise' part. He had lots of copies of emails with highlighted parts, what fun! But that was not emphasized at least. This was more about communication style and effectiveness. At one point we hit a part that is underlying lots of what is going on, and I was super happy although uncomfortable. He said that he doesn't tell me what to do because I already have my mind made up and won't listen and had a few examples. Every one of those examples I asked questions and pushed but I did what I was told and let it go. I said I had concerns that the perception of why I missed something was not true, that I had work surges that made things difficult like all of us. I actually said that I am not insubordinate and I am not defiant. That felt assertive and necessary.


    What I noticed at the end of the meeting was that my supervisor tried to give us both a list of every deadline or task I had ever been late on. His supervisor didn't let him give it to her or me. I admit my struggles there and repeated I had been open and asking for coaching support in this area. It felt supportive that she didn't let it turn into another meeting where I just listened to everything I do wrong. At the very end she gave me a lot of positive props for asking for this meeting, being willing to have this discussion and not letting problems continue. I noted that she really didn't say anything to him at that time, I am going to take this as a positive (as in I didn't screw up and should plan on getting fired). I said that I wanted to re-boot my year and honestly I am going to do everything to hit every single minor and major deadline, and document the crap out of it. I got a shout out for being so on top of my summer camp field trip work today. I am very forward thinking and independent about everything camp related,

    On another note I talked to my staff who has missed more work and said I would accept the 2 weeks notice she offered a week and a half ago. She is disappointed of course, feeling like a victim, but I should have just taken it when she first offered.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    Glad the meeting went OK. Your manager is a piece of work

  3. #3
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    Thanks, How is your situation going right now? Sounds like you are at least looking. It is pretty hard to change jobs mid-career isn't it!

  4. #4
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    Sounds like your boss was ready to throw you under the bus, and given the amount of documentation he compiled he really worked at it. I'd document thoroughly going forward.

  5. #5
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    Yes creaker, I am committed to getting everything awesome for the rest of the year and making sure people know it. I am already good at many things but have my definite areas of challenge. We do a monthly goal tracker form and I am always on time with that! Typically he has very minor feedback about how to edit or add to it that I will incorporate. This is a document that we all use and his supervisor will be able to see as well so that offers some protection from just his opinion.

  6. #6
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    ZG, how many staff does he supervise? He seems to have way too much time to focus on every little detail of your work day?
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  7. #7
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    He has 4 direct reports, this is after last year of having one. He really does appear to have too much time.

    I have a very sick staff plus the one that is leaving who has been sick and not coming in. So we were down 2 people today on the day with 4 afterschool clubs totaling 90 kids in club and just under 30 in childcare. So he came out to support which was super helpful, and I gave him one of my really challenging students as a helper to walk around the school with. He came back saying that the kid was really challenging (not mean but yeah, I have a couple kids who take a lot of attention). There was no way I could run the program, lead a project, manage this kid, check on the student with diabetes halfway through his fitness class and answer the door. It usually gives him a better perspective. However the reason he came over was because my colleague suggested it to him (I did tell him what was happening). Meanwhile I had a deadline to email my staff about missing training sessions, that is what we are really into accountability about! I did, and put in the email that she communicated in a timely manner about conflicts that affected her attending training. He knew that she spent one day dealing with her grandmother with dementia in the ER and family that refused to cooperate until social services threatened to send the police after the family member who needed to sign for medical care. But please, let's make sure I hold them freakin' accountable and make my deadline.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoe Girl View Post
    Thanks, How is your situation going right now? Sounds like you are at least looking. It is pretty hard to change jobs mid-career isn't it!
    Eh, some days are better than others. Today was a hot mess.

  9. #9
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    I hav over 150 direct reports. He doesn’t have enough to do - he should help with your work. 😄

  10. #10
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tammy View Post
    I hav over 150 direct reports. He doesn’t have enough to do - he should help with your work. 
    150 is astonishing number.

    What’s the ideal managerial spread, 6-10 dirct reports? Something like that, I cant remember where I got that but it certainly is not anywhere near 150

    How do you do performance reviews on that many? Are there automatically generated metrics? I can’t conceive of that.

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