My MIL is going to assisted living tomorrow

[Simplemind]

I really liked the independent (assisted and memory care also) living place where we took my dad. I would have lived there myself. He had a very nice apartment on the third floor with a picture window looking straight at Mt Hood. I loved that they had a restaurant where you could eat at any time you pleased and one of us generally always ate dinner with him and the food was very good. If it wasn't we would have taken him out because he was kind of a food snob. It was a beautiful building and all the employees were kind to him and to us. As he needed more care I hired a companion for the mornings and one of us kids spent the evening with him. We were able to hold that together for about a year and a half. I finally became aware that he was wandering outside in the middle of the night and we needed to move him into memory care. That broke our hearts because we so loved the set up we had. I enjoyed visiting him in that nice apartment so much more than our old family home. It was perfect and much nicer for him than had one of us been able to only give him one room in our homes.
When we moved him to memory care it was in an adult foster home five minutes down the street from me. It was with a wonderful family with young kids. There were only four other residents. The food was all made from scratch. They have a garden with chickens. They let him keep his beloved cat. He and another resident became fast friends and spent each day in each others company. Some days it seemed like I was intruding and that was OK. It relieved the guilt that I should be there all the time to keep him company. I know we were very very lucky. I'm glad he could afford it and I'm glad what we wanted for him was available. Should I ever find myself in the same situation I would be happy with any part of his set up. There was never a feeling of being in a warehouse.

[iris lilies]

There are just as mainy elderly warehousing themselves in their creaky old dirty house with the tv blaring 24/7 than in the group homes. We hear about it regularly here.

While you can get that blaring tv in a nursing home if thats what ya want, you can also get guided activities that may promote active minds and social continuity.

My mother did crazy crap when in her own home. She bought everything from any salesman who knocked on her door. She hid magazine labels high up on a shelf in the closet and in a jar of water where she expected them to disintegrate. She hid money. And then she fell and broke her hip, lying for about 18 hours in the garage until she summoned help.

but in the nursing home she got a boyfriend of sorts, gained needed weight, had weekly visits from cats and dogs, had library books ( which she couldnt read) and all kinds of good stuff in addition to the not-so-good stuff.

Make no mistake,
I have 0 guilt for her being in a nursing home. I dont defend it out of guilt. I would not like the bland food of group homes, but I suppose I could always bring my own hot sauce.

[JaneV2.0]

I'm depressingly familiar with a number of these places. We managed to keep my mother at home--which was her fervent wish--but we had to install my father at the Veteran's Home for the duration after his second stroke. That's was when I realized how much difference money can make at the end of one's life. You can bet Bill Gates' father won't be cooling his heels in a geriatric group home. (But I'm sure I will.) I'd much prefer the creaky old dirty house with the blaring TV--I treasure my privacy, however imperfect.

There are very few satisfactory solutions to the problems facing the infirm elderly in this country.

[Teacher Terry]

Unless you can afford a private room there is no privacy. In some places 4 people share a bathroom. I can't imagine never being alone.

[rosarugosa]

Soylent Green, anyone?

[JaneV2.0]

Soylent Green, anyone?

I would have walked out of that movie if I could have. But that would certainly be one solution!

[SteveinMN]

In a perfect world, the Powers That Be would realize it costs a LOT more money to "warehouse" elderly people in group homes than it would to provide home health care.

The State of Minnesota realized this economic fact several years ago. In the county in which DH works (a suburb of the Twin Cities) there have been no new nursing homes built or expanded in more than a decade, and even group homes are not expanding significantly. The story is much the same in other counties around the state. It is much less expensive to have someone come in and assist the elderly in their own home than it is to move them to a facility that must meet different housing codes. Most of the people being served like being able to stay in their own homes, and that resolves questions like favorite meals or the presence of pets. There will, of course, be a need for folks who cannot live on their own even a little bit (memory-care, medical fragility, wheelchair-bound, etc.). But service in homes seems to be the way things are going here.

For now. A lot of the economics rests on finding personal care assistants who are willing to work with the elderly for $10-15/hour and no benefits. That's tough -- no agency around here has "staff on the bench" and I know that my relative with PCA needs has seen several shifts go unstaffed because it's hard to find someone who has the necessary skills (wound care, catheter flushing, etc.) who'll ride a bus for an hour in each direction for a 4-5 hour shift ending at 10:00 pm and gross $50 for the night. As more people age and demand increases, those wages will have to go up. That will skew the economics. But it's unlikely it will change the result -- it still will be less expensive to care for the elderly at home assuming they can safely stay home.

[herbgeek]

for what its worth: my husband had to go back to The Home after he'd dropped his mother off and spent a couple of hours because she'd forgotten to pack her underwear, and she was happy as a clam in front of the TV she'd brought with her. This was the right decision for his mom. My husband un-aged the 10 years he's put on recently. What a load off.

[JaneV2.0]

for what its worth: my husband had to go back to The Home after he'd dropped his mother off and spent a couple of hours because she'd forgotten to pack her underwear, and she was happy as a clam in front of the TV she'd brought with her. This was the right decision for his mom. My husband un-aged the 10 years he's put on recently. What a load off.

I'm glad there's a happy ending to this particular story!

[rosarugosa]

So glad to hear that, Herbgeek!