Table manners - What's important

[Gardenarian]

My daughter has something called misophonia. It's a strange hearing/ brain thing - extremely acute hearing combined with a sort of phobia.

At any rate, she can't bear people making loud eating noises, licking their lips, clanking silverware, smacking, licking their fingers. Going to the movies is kind of a challenge, with people dipping their faces directly in their popcorn and loudly slurping on near-empty drinks. Eating with open mouth and making loud chewing, swallowing, and belching noises are the worst for her. It's like fingernails on as blackboard.

This has made me much more aware of eating habits and manners. All these things are mildly gross to everyone. It would be a nicer world if better manners were the rule.

Thanks for posting!

[frugal-one]

Pizza... at times a finger food.

[ToomuchStuff]

Hi, Everyone

Basic table manners seem to be evaporating in society across all age groups.

I just wrote the below tips on table manners to give to a college student I have been mentoring.

The list is posted here in case you know someone young through family or work who could benefit from it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Table manners - what’s important


Following the below customs shows respect. Breaking them is offering insult.


These rules apply to all venues. In business situations, following them is a great way to impress higher-ups with maturity and consideration for others.


1.Never, never, never talk with food in your mouth.
It looks gross and you cannot tuck food out of site. Impossible. Plus you appear vain and controlling: you think what you have to say is more important than others feeling disgusted.
If you are asked a question, people will wait for your answer or move the conversation along without your reply.


2.Turn off cell phone.
Never bring a phone to the table. Leave it in your pocket or purse with power off. Check messages after meal and away from table.


3.Imbibe no more than 2 drinks with alcohol.
Beer and wine preferred. Mixed drinks with soda pop (such as Rum and Coke) are considered adolescent choices.


Cover mouth when sneezing or coughing.
If coughing / sneezing is persistent, leave the table.


4.Contribute to conversation.
If you usually don’t have much to say, take a look at the news before the meal. NYTimes.com is good.


Only take second helpings if the hostess/host offers.
And never ask to take home “leftovers.” But you may accept if offered by hostess/host. Don’t take home leftovers from restaurants.


5.Food you don’t like
Mess it about on the plate so it looks like you have eaten some.


No gum at dining table or anywhere else
Chewing gum is childish and gross to see - like talking with food in your mouth. If you chew gum to hide tobacco smell, use mints or breath strips.
The ONLY place you can acceptably chew gum is on an airplane. People understand you are dealing with ear pain.


Never pass something over the plate of someone else.


Some people say these customs don’t apply to friends and family.
I wonder why people treat friends and family worse than they treat others.

I disagree with the ALL that I bolded.
1. I would not say never. Not going to take the time to finish chewing and swallow, when I see a kid choking, et. (alert the closest adult)
2. I deal with cops who are on call, as well as having some doctors I know who are on call. I once was out with a friend whose wife was pregnant, so is he expected to turn his phone off, if they have had complications before?
3. I have NEVER liked beer. I also don't like wine. Back when I drank, years ago (before giving it up to be the designated driver), my drink of choice was a mixed drink. So the time I celebrated a friend getting his dream job at KMOX and his wife's cancer remission, I shouldn't have had that? How about when a friend of ours, who hadn't felt good, had been told by the doctors he had less then two months to live? Even his employers, who had a no alcohol policy, all had a drink with him in a life celebration get together.
4. There are times to keep ones mouth shut. I will leave it at that.
5. I don't mess around with food that has allergens in it. You could have something on your plate, and still avoid having a reaction by not getting it on utensils.

It’s not that I want people to be rude when eating - it’s that there's more to life than robotically following a list of rules.

This list makes it feel so superficial. I am bored by people who focus on following the rules. I want more depth.

I don’t think I’m making my point very well ...

I think the important thing is no rule is 100%. Extenuating circumstances can/do exist in the real world.

I eat the european way, I guess..........I hold the knife in my right hand and the fork in my right. It makes more sense to me, and is more energy-efficient, than cutting things the "proper" way.....putting the knife up and down/changing hands with the fork, then constantly repeating.
Seriously......how can we call my way "not having manners"?

So your knife and fork are in the same hand, like chopsticks? Must have more nimble fingers.

[rosarugosa]

Personally i dont use either utensil custom. As a left hander i always picked up the fork woth my left hand to eat. And if i needed the knofe i just pickednit up with the roght hand (it was on that sode of the plate after all...) and started cutting. It wasnt until i was in moddle school that i even noticed that this was non-standard.

I say to hell with Righties making rules that eating right-handed is proper and eating left-handed is improper. Lefties of the world unite!

[CathyA]

I disagree with the ALL that I bolded.
1. I would not say never. Not going to take the time to finish chewing and swallow, when I see a kid choking, et. (alert the closest adult)
2. I deal with cops who are on call, as well as having some doctors I know who are on call. I once was out with a friend whose wife was pregnant, so is he expected to turn his phone off, if they have had complications before?
3. I have NEVER liked beer. I also don't like wine. Back when I drank, years ago (before giving it up to be the designated driver), my drink of choice was a mixed drink. So the time I celebrated a friend getting his dream job at KMOX and his wife's cancer remission, I shouldn't have had that? How about when a friend of ours, who hadn't felt good, had been told by the doctors he had less then two months to live? Even his employers, who had a no alcohol policy, all had a drink with him in a life celebration get together.
4. There are times to keep ones mouth shut. I will leave it at that.
5. I don't mess around with food that has allergens in it. You could have something on your plate, and still avoid having a reaction by not getting it on utensils.



I think the important thing is no rule is 100%. Extenuating circumstances can/do exist in the real world.


So your knife and fork are in the same hand, like chopsticks? Must have more nimble fingers.

Oops!.....I meant fork in my left hand.

[goldensmom]

Personally i dont use either utensil custom. As a left hander i always picked up the fork woth my left hand to eat. And if i needed the knofe i just pickednit up with the roght hand (it was on that sode of the plate after all...) and started cutting. It wasnt until i was in moddle school that i even noticed that this was non-standard.

I say to hell with Righties making rules that eating right-handed is proper and eating left-handed is improper. Lefties of the world unite!

That is fair and acceptable. Left handers can reverse all the rules of the right handers.

[iris lilies]

TMS, I thnk the list is geared toward traditional business type gatherings, not family and social gatherings.

The tip about what alcohol to avoid seems very silly to me, who would possibly care about that? But if one wants to project an image of responsibility to be respected, I suppose the childish drink could signal the wrong thing in certain circles bUt that is reaching.Better avoid ordering anything on the menu that looks remotely like chicken Mcfingers then, too.

In a business lunch where you are with clients and bosses, of course you will turn off your phone because you must signal that they are more important. If you have a pregnant wife ready to pop any moment, explain that to the table at large and leave your phone on, they will understand.

[Suzanne]

If your wife is imminently about to give birth, put your phone in your pocket with the setting on vibe. Do you really need the ringer??

[CathyA]

My daughter has something called misophonia. It's a strange hearing/ brain thing - extremely acute hearing combined with a sort of phobia.

At any rate, she can't bear people making loud eating noises, licking their lips, clanking silverware, smacking, licking their fingers. Going to the movies is kind of a challenge, with people dipping their faces directly in their popcorn and loudly slurping on near-empty drinks. Eating with open mouth and making loud chewing, swallowing, and belching noises are the worst for her. It's like fingernails on as blackboard.

This has made me much more aware of eating habits and manners. All these things are mildly gross to everyone. It would be a nicer world if better manners were the rule.

Thanks for posting!

Wow Gardenarian.........I never knew about this condition. I think I have it! I'm sorry about your daughter. Has she found anything that helps? Does she have any other conditions too? You can P.M. me if you would rather do that, than post here.

[Yppej]

Pizza... at times a finger food.

I don't know anyone who eats pizza with utensils.