I haven't posted on here in years, but it seems like a safe place given anonymity with people of all kinds of faiths and beliefs. I would be interested to hear people's thoughts on this. I think basically everyone's spiritual path teaches them that forgiveness is crucial. Not that you have to cater to the person who wronged you but you need to find forgiveness in yourself to give yourself freedom from bitterness. Theoretically speaking I know a person (gee, I wonder who that is) who has been married several decades. The person she is married to is a kind man, wouldn't hurt a flea and in his dreams would love to give anything and the moon to his wife. This husband also was very irresponsible throughout their marriage, did some things that completely lacked common sense, never really held a job that provided for the family, would hop from one thing to the next. After being buried in bills, very large bills that the wife was unable to pay from her own job that she worked overtime for many yrs at, the wife had had it. She began to think of ways to take her son and get out of the marriage. Then her husband became gravely ill and very dependent on her even more, so she couldn't just leave him. He had a kidney disease that left him on dialysis for several yrs. She had to work even harder and more hours to take care of the bills. He then got a transplant and resumed his life with periods of having setbacks from all the side effects of the meds he had to take, but he was able to function and was retrained for an occupation he could handle. He was still very irresponsible and never took action on all the big dreams he talked about. And never really held a steady job. He is a talker not a doer. And still a very kind loving man. The wife is now exhausted after several decades of not having a minute to think and always working and nothing in savings because of big medical bills. She will never be able to retire, and virtually they have nothing, not even a car, because he didn't pull his weight during the yrs he was well. She has grown bitter and has had a heart attack from stress, but picked herself up and forged onward. My question is - How do you get rid of the bitterness? We are at the age now it would never enter my mind to leave him. He is in poor health now and like I said, he is a good, kind man, just was irresponsible for many yrs. that left us with nothing. I literally cannot think of anything fun or romantic we have ever done together. At this point I don't look at him as a husband, more like a roommate I am supporting. We have never had a vacation, never go out to movies, out to dinner. We are frugal out of neccessity. We have been married for 40 years. Our friends are retired going on cruises, we have to borrow a car to go to Walmart. I am fortunate in that my boss a few yrs ago let me become a contractor so I can work from home now. I know this sounds like a giant pity party and so I don't talk about it with anyone. But on here at least because you don't know me I can spout off and you can don't have to read it if you don't want to. Has anyone faced this situation personally? What did you do? I am not looking for a way out, I would never leave him now at this age. How do you get rid of the bitterness? Being a caregiver, the breadwinner, doing everything on my own and working 50 plus hrs a week for many many yrs is taking its toll. Sorry this is so long and that I rambled.....Not looking for sympathy and not even a solution. I'm not sure there is one. Just wondering how other people have handled a situation like this personally.