Nothing like cleaning out a hoarder's house to motivate

[Ultralight]

Ultralight, you know you can expect the house to keep getting worse in the absence of intervention, right?

Yes, I know it will get worse. If my dad passes away first, it will get really, really bad and at lightening speed too.

If my mom passes, I could see my dad being like: "Put it all in the ****ing dumpster."
Then he'd get in the camper van and go to Florida, never to return.

[herbgeek]

I'm really sorry UL. I know you know intellectually about all of this, but its still hard to see this all unfold in person.

[Ultralight]

I'm really sorry UL. I know you know intellectually about all of this, but its still hard to see this all unfold in person.

Thanks.

[Chicken lady]

Well, at least your dad has an option...

I believe hoarding has a genetic and neurological components. It has been linked to trauma, and to OCD, but I don’t know that either are causal. I can’t remember far enough back in my life to find the beginning of my hoarding behavior, so I guess if trauma is required, it might have been when i was tiny and my dad accidentally threw me down the stairs (he fell carrying me, brand new dad, bad reflexes.) but really, I think I just developed this way and my social environment reinforced it.

it is self soothing though - going into thrift stores is calming for me. Sorting through my hoard is calming for me. I have made progress though - I have gone from buying stuff in thrift stores, to collecting stuff in thrift stores and then putting it back, to just walking through the thrift store touching things. I do buy things sometimes, but with better reasons. I report to my support group every time I go in a thrift store, and I report everything I bring home that won’t be used up in a week or so, no matter how I got it, and we talk about why I got it and what I am going to do with it.

also, now, when I sort through the hoard I am more likely to find a thing to get rid of - and that makes me happy.

i do wonder if there is a link with alcoholism - I am not an alcoholic, but that also runs in my family.

i have also been told (as an adult) by people who work with autistic youth that I am probably on the spectrum. But not officially tested or anything - whatever. I’m 50. And I don’t like labels unless I see how they can be helpful.

i’m really sorry about your job.

[Ultralight]

Well, at least your dad has an option...

I believe hoarding has a genetic and neurological components. It has been linked to trauma, and to OCD, but I don’t know that either are causal. I can’t remember far enough back in my life to find the beginning of my hoarding behavior, so I guess if trauma is required, it might have been when i was tiny and my dad accidentally threw me down the stairs (he fell carrying me, brand new dad, bad reflexes.) but really, I think I just developed this way and my social environment reinforced it.

it is self soothing though - going into thrift stores is calming for me. Sorting through my hoard is calming for me. I have made progress though - I have gone from buying stuff in thrift stores, to collecting stuff in thrift stores and then putting it back, to just walking through the thrift store touching things. I do buy things sometimes, but with better reasons. I report to my support group every time I go in a thrift store, and I report everything I bring home that won’t be used up in a week or so, no matter how I got it, and we talk about why I got it and what I am going to do with it.

also, now, when I sort through the hoard I am more likely to find a thing to get rid of - and that makes me happy.

i do wonder if there is a link with alcoholism - I am not an alcoholic, but that also runs in my family.

i have also been told (as an adult) by people who work with autistic youth that I am probably on the spectrum. But not officially tested or anything - whatever. I’m 50. And I don’t like labels unless I see how they can be helpful.

A lot of good points and intriguing questions. Perhaps in the future some more research will clarify some of this.

[Ultralight]

i’m really sorry about your job.

I appreciate that. The thing was I was mostly interested in that job as a way to get out of my current one. The pay would have been better, benefits not better though. The working conditions would have been better. The hours would have been worse.

[catherine]

painted bird houses,

I've kept two birdhouses that my DD and her best friend painted when they were very young--probably about 10 or 11. I hated to throw them away because, well, they made them. (I can't throw away people's handmade things).

So they've sat on top of a metal shelf in the basement for 20 years--with me thinking, all I have to do is get a post for the back yard and put them up. Of course that never transpired.

We allowed one of the junk guys we've gotten to know in our downsizing to come into the house and look around and take what he wanted. He saw the birdhouses and asked if he could have them. My gut was "Oh, no! Not the birdhouses!! I could bring them to Vermont and put them on a post in my garden!" But I said "Sure"--and now I think about him at a NJ flea market selling my DD's novice handiwork, making a couple of bucks for himself and making someone happy--someone who may actually put it on a post in their back yard. Or even painting over it. But it's out of my hands now--literally. And I'm happy about that.

[happystuff]

Yesterday I was turned down at the last minute for a job that seemed like I had a very strong chance of getting. They skipped the phone interview and went directly to a video interview. Then they flew me to NC for a campus visit with all day interviews. Then they did the background check. After that they completed the references.

Then yesterday they called to tell me I did not get it.

This was a bit of a gut punch, rather disappointing. I was down in the dumps.

As often happens when something occurs that disappoints me or brings me down, I get a little urge to minimize my stuff. Now, the urge is there, I feel it. And I think it is a comparatively good urge.

I recognized that I am at a comfortable level of minimalism and I did not need to minimize anything, so I didn't.

But I think that my mom and other hoarders, in order to deal with life's emotional problems, feel a different urge -- one to acquire more stuff, "retail therapy" or some such.

Seems like a very good analysis of the self and the situation. Kudos to you. I hope things improve for your parents. It's so hard when sometimes a person is only able to sit on the sidelines and watch.

[happystuff]

I've kept two birdhouses that my DD and her best friend painted when they were very young--probably about 10 or 11. I hated to throw them away because, well, they made them. (I can't throw away people's handmade things).

So they've sat on top of a metal shelf in the basement for 20 years--with me thinking, all I have to do is get a post for the back yard and put them up. Of course that never transpired.

I've learned/still learning to take pictures of those things that the kids have made but it's time to relinquish. It seems easier for me to let go of the physical object as I still "have" the picture to revive the memory.

[Teacher Terry]

So sorry about the job UL. My friends lost their house in paradise and have a opposite reaction. They aren’t rebuilding and living in 2 bedroom apartment. They are being very selective about what they take from others or purchase. Hoarding is a sad disease and it’s definitely not stuff that’s the problem. It’s the symptom. It’s especially sad when it evolves into the home being unsanitary.