Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 29

Thread: burn in hell

Hybrid View

Previous Post Previous Post   Next Post Next Post
  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,248

    burn in hell

    Well the day I was expecting came, my son in law (yes he is officially that!) was told by his grandmother that he is going to burn in hell. They are a pretty dramatic family, and religious. In a conversation he questioned something she was saying about Trump, she replied he must be hanging around liberals (yeah that would be our family) and it came up that he is not Christian. His mom and sister were there, I heard his mom just seemed shocked and his sister said as a Christian she couldn't judge his beliefs. He is close to his family, hopefully the entire family won't agree with her.

    I know my daughter and SIL have just tried to not make these things an issue, they are both pretty mellow people, but it was bound to happen sooner or later. Grandmother has been providing childcare so they are looking for a new situation. I know my daughter was concerned about her doing all the childcare as grandbaby got older because of her beliefs and how vocal she is. She is vocal about boycotting Target for the bathroom issue for example, and my daughter works there and my SIL's siblings are both gay.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    7,451
    Quote Originally Posted by Zoe Girl View Post
    Well the day I was expecting came, my son in law (yes he is officially that!) was told by his grandmother that he is going to burn in hell. They are a pretty dramatic family, and religious. In a conversation he questioned something she was saying about Trump, she replied he must be hanging around liberals (yeah that would be our family) and it came up that he is not Christian. His mom and sister were there, I heard his mom just seemed shocked and his sister said as a Christian she couldn't judge his beliefs. He is close to his family, hopefully the entire family won't agree with her.

    I know my daughter and SIL have just tried to not make these things an issue, they are both pretty mellow people, but it was bound to happen sooner or later. Grandmother has been providing childcare so they are looking for a new situation. I know my daughter was concerned about her doing all the childcare as grandbaby got older because of her beliefs and how vocal she is. She is vocal about boycotting Target for the bathroom issue for example, and my daughter works there and my SIL's siblings are both gay.
    It's so weird to me when families do this. I wonder if she is getting dementia. It sure sounds like it.
    If so, it's a nightmare road for her, poor thing.
    Probably best that she not provide any more childcare.
    so sad.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    67
    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    It's so weird to me when families do this. I wonder if she is getting dementia. It sure sounds like it.
    If so, it's a nightmare road for her, poor thing.
    Probably best that she not provide any more childcare.
    so sad.
    I disagree with your assessment. Many older people are really getting fed up with the state of this country. The traditional values that they hold very dear are being stripped away and they don't like it very much. Most will simply sit there, or complain to their friends over coffee and crochet, not many have the gumption to speak their mind in a hostile environment. Did it ever occur to anyone not to discuss controversial subjects or simply smile and say nothing?

  4. #4
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    San Francisco
    Posts
    9,797
    Quote Originally Posted by enota View Post
    I disagree with your assessment. Many older people are really getting fed up with the state of this country. The traditional values that they hold very dear are being stripped away and they don't like it very much. Most will simply sit there, or complain to their friends over coffee and crochet, not many have the gumption to speak their mind in a hostile environment. Did it ever occur to anyone not to discuss controversial subjects or simply smile and say nothing?
    I would agree. From the OP's description it doesn't seem like grandma is suffering dementia. It sounds more likely that she's just a judgmental b**ch. As a gay man who is now 50 I'm lucky that my parents had decided that religion wasn't their thing. I was raised an atheist and after looking at all the harm that religion does I am forever grateful about that. However, my mother was still super conservative socially. She was ok with the idea of gay and lesbian people but not with her unmarried child and their SO sleeping in the same bed in her house. She passed away well before I was able to marry my SO legally. If we could have married she would have been fine with us sleeping together in her home. How silly.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    7,451
    We obviously do not know enough to know if she is "a judgmental bitch" as JP1 says, has dementia, is expressing her bizarre and Unchristian "Christian" beliefs, or is simply a powder-keg sh&t stirrer of a person.

    Why not refuse to discuss anything with her, and take her out of the childcare equation, and let it be. You are not going to change her, and people do mean things to each other everyday; just protect the kid against her and avoid her, would be my solution, grandmother or no. Others may want to engage with her and avoid certain subjects. I would just wish her well and try to keep my peace, were I the son-in-law with the problem, or were I Zoe, mother of wife of son-in-law.

  6. #6
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    14,635
    I think your DD/SIL have to look at the big picture and then decide. I agree with Tybee that sometimes as people get older their internal editor rusts, and they wind up saying bizarre things. I remember one time when the family, including MIL, were all at a bar waiting for a table. MIL had had a wee Drambuie. My daughter, who was about 20 at the time, asked "Grandma, you've lived a long life. What words of advice would you give me?" And MIL's wise words? She said to my daughter, "B__, have as MUCH SEX as you can!" She had grown up in post-Victorian England, and I really think it took reading a Harlequin romance novel every week in her late seventies to point out what she might have missed out on.

    Believe me, it took a conversation with my daughter to do the best I could to backpedal on that one!

    I think you can teach kids that "Grandma loves you and we love her, but we don't agree with x,y,z."

    If her rantings are frequent, then maybe you'd want to think about what she's telling the grandkids during the day when she watches them. But I think you have to weigh her whole personality, love for the grandkids, and ability to be a caregiver overall before making a decision based on an isolated comment.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,248
    I have a feeling this is NOT dementia. His mom regularly starts arguments on facebook over politics, the family has a changing table at every holiday based on which people are speaking to each other, ya know. Grandma has been saying these things her whole life I think, and there is so much drama. When I first met him it was a lot of work to teach the poor guy that our family does not work like that. It makes sense that the wedding at the courthouse was just our family and they will have a party later. I met them once, but I am nervous since I am sure I give off a super liberal vibe just naturally.

    DD/SIL have been thinking about getting different childcare for some time. They also have a standing invitation to move to Florida near his dad and step mom and get free childcare that way. My DD knows that she would be miserable, and they are very conservative Christian so again she would not want grandbaby raised that way.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    7,451
    Well,it sounds like the kids know what they want in the way of childcare. I think they can arrange it suitably, in the context of their beliefs and values, and just keep family out of the childcare business. I don't think it has to be a relationship-breaker, and I would personally ratchet down the drama around the issue, but I don't think they are in any danger of utilizing the free childcare from folks whose beliefs they find repugnant.

    So it's great that you have raised kids who can figure these things out!

  9. #9
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    8,169
    I am one who believes based on experience that the mental environment is critical in childcare. Hate is poisonous no matter who is uttering it. I would find alternative options for childcare yesterday.
    As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    4,192
    My brother thinks i’m going to hell. It makes him really sad. We don’t talk about it, but I can see it in his eyes when things related to religion come up. I just keep hoping something will change his mind.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •