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Thread: burn in hell

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    Some families only know how to function with drama. That is very sad.

    I mentioned this situation to my mom on the phone, we have the opposite issue of trying to have no emotions! I was barely done with my 2 sentences of what happened when my mom interrupted to say 'you just have to ignore it'. Well I think that SIL gets a few minutes of having an emotion after all, and since I have been told this before I feel for him (not by a family member but still it affected me). I felt that very familiar sense of not being okay if I felt anything. My sister has been dealing with severe anxiety the last year and is seeing some correlation to our family issue, but unless she is in crisis she does not want to talk about it. We are just as incapable of those 'what do you need' conversations as the drama family.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoe Girl View Post
    I mentioned this situation to my mom on the phone, we have the opposite issue of trying to have no emotions! I was barely done with my 2 sentences of what happened when my mom interrupted to say 'you just have to ignore it'. Well I think that SIL gets a few minutes of having an emotion after all, and since I have been told this before I feel for him (not by a family member but still it affected me). I felt that very familiar sense of not being okay if I felt anything. My sister has been dealing with severe anxiety the last year and is seeing some correlation to our family issue, but unless she is in crisis she does not want to talk about it. We are just as incapable of those 'what do you need' conversations as the drama family.
    I don't see this as the same thing in this situation, since it is not your grandmother cursing you to hell, it is your son-in-law's. I understand getting upset on his behalf, but not dwelling on it, or feeling you have to feel for him or rev up support for his liberal views. This seems to be between your sil, your dd, the grandmother, and the baby, as the involved parties, and I don't understand why it involves you and your family, other than to feel supportive of him, if that makes sense.

  3. #13
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    I don't see this as the same thing in this situation, since it is not your grandmother cursing you to hell, it is your son-in-law's. I understand getting upset on his behalf, but not dwelling on it, or feeling you have to feel for him or rev up support for his liberal views. This seems to be between your sil, your dd, the grandmother, and the baby, as the involved parties, and I don't understand why it involves you and your family, other than to feel supportive of him, if that makes sense.
    I agree. Plus "drama" is a subjective term, and each family acts out its drama in unique ways. Some drama is harmful and toxic to be sure, but some families just operate on a different frequency. I think about Italian families or the kinds of family in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." There are highly dramatic, but non-toxic ways to communicate. I tend to run and hide in the face of that kind of communicating. And being non-emotive can be toxic, too.

    I'm sure your DD/SIL will do the right thing. Re the grandmother, I get so frustrated with those kinds of "Christians."
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  4. #14
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    I am also confident they will do the right thing, I just feel bad for him since this is his family and that has got to be hard. But I am not dwelling on it either.

    As far as talking with my mom it really wasn't that big of a deal until I noticed how much she reacted into ignoring it, that should have been a total other thread!

    As far as whether he is liberal or conservative or just whatever I am not condemning anyone. That is why I feel for him, there are many people who don't condemn just because they disagree and this is his only grandma.

  5. #15
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    Families and religion are not good mixes. Had a friend who dated a gal, and referred to her kid as the little bastard (religious based). Of course been called similar myself, as my grandfather was due to violence, and his siblings all went different religions from one another. I remember meeting one, walking them to their seats at a relatives wedding, where my grandfather and them talked for the first time in 40 years.

    I also remember the fighting between my parents and another relative, when they were all pushing for me to choose between their different faiths. The one I choose was simply due to scouts that were there, and shorter services (both important to kids). Later I saw a sermon preached by one person, only to hear a sermon the very opposite the next week by a guest of the same faith. They almost came to blows in the church.
    Then the sex scandals, the preacher that embezzled and convinced the congregation that they should forgive him, etc. etc. etc.

  6. #16
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    Some people have belief systems that assume some souls will in fact damn themselves, but simple humility should prevent them from presuming to judge who that will be.

    And there is also tact, which I think Churchill described as being able to tell someone to go to Hell in such a way that they will look forward to the trip.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post

    I'm sure your DD/SIL will do the right thing. Re the grandmother, I get so frustrated with those kinds of "Christians."
    Isn't that just part and parcel? If you say you are "X", and that is in the X Handbook, isn't it kind of a given? I've known people who believe strongly in the Heaven and Hell thing - even if they didn't bring it up, it was clear just from their belief system where they thought I was headed.

  8. #18
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by creaker View Post
    Isn't that just part and parcel? If you say you are "X", and that is in the X Handbook, isn't it kind of a given? I've known people who believe strongly in the Heaven and Hell thing - even if they didn't bring it up, it was clear just from their belief system where they thought I was headed.
    They can believe in Heaven and Hell, but Jesus Christ said "Judge not, lest ye be judged." And "why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?"

    That's what I meant. Christians would be truer to their faith if they looked to their own path to heaven without taking other people's inventory. That's what being a true Christian is. Even Pope Francis has been known to say "Who am I to judge?"
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by creaker View Post
    Isn't that just part and parcel? If you say you are "X", and that is in the X Handbook, isn't it kind of a given? I've known people who believe strongly in the Heaven and Hell thing - even if they didn't bring it up, it was clear just from their belief system where they thought I was headed.
    If you think their belief system is nonsense, why would you care?

    If they say or do nothing to you, why would you care?

    If you presume to project certain thoughts or attitudes on them based on your interpretation of their belief system, who is the one with the issue?

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    It's so weird to me when families do this. I wonder if she is getting dementia. It sure sounds like it.
    If so, it's a nightmare road for her, poor thing.
    Probably best that she not provide any more childcare.
    so sad.
    I disagree with your assessment. Many older people are really getting fed up with the state of this country. The traditional values that they hold very dear are being stripped away and they don't like it very much. Most will simply sit there, or complain to their friends over coffee and crochet, not many have the gumption to speak their mind in a hostile environment. Did it ever occur to anyone not to discuss controversial subjects or simply smile and say nothing?

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