That means soooo much!
I just had coffee with a work colleague, and I am much more encouraged. I trusted him to share that I want to find a new job, and he responded in an unexpected way. He has a lot of connections in our program and other programs as a data expert so he was able to tell me about a job somewhere, and what may happen in our department in the future (possible new grant based site under the grant I have worked before). He was very encouraging to me, saying that it would be a big loss to the department if I left. The last person I talked to said they could give me a reference but then said it was sometimes just time to leave, which is fine of course.
One thing that came out of the conversation was what I am good at and looking for as compared to what I am currently working with and not great at. My program is at a sustaining level right now, making small changes over time to wean ourselves off the last grant. Honestly it is getting boring. The job is basically gong through all the checklists and trying not to miss anything, My favorite years were the times when I was doing a brand new program that no one else had done (blended grant and fee based), we had no answers or blueprint. It was intellectually challenging and that makes my job much more interesting. There was more vision involved in the program, and critical problem solving,