Seriously, I don't know how to sleep with things hanging over my head. I am concerned about this meeting Thursday and it is a lot to live alone and be single right now. There are medications to help you fall asleep but not stay asleep, I stayed up extra late just to see if I could sleep longer. It is 1:30 ish and I am awake and anxious about everything, running all my mistakes through my head, feeling like I am the person who is not designed to survive or thrive in this world,
It seems that any positives I cling to during the day all disappear in the middle of the night, things seem much more ominous. I am acutely aware of what a friend said who is going through some really big trauma right now. She is such a sensitive and kind person she kept on talking about how much she appreciates that in the middle of the night she has her husband to reach out to, and how hard it must be to be single. She kept trying to give me work but my regular job was too big, and she understood I needed that paycheck with all the benefits. So I get a sense of deep understanding from her, and some validation that in the middle of the night it is okay to struggle (still sucks okay).
Going to try some tea and meditation,