Yeah, had that meeting today. I survived it! And I see a counselor tomorrow.
What was interesting was when A (my boss's boss) started to talk about how I had worked there 8 years and I should know my procedures, maybe my previous supervisor did not hold me to high standards. I replied that I did these processes right last year, and described how each provider had contracts, ICA's, invoicing, etc. done properly. I was able to then talk about how I realized about what time of year I started to struggle, that I had the same diagnoses that I have had for 8 years without a significant issue, however I could see now that I was not okay. I spoke briefly about the help I was seeking as well. The incident that sparked all this was having my training cancelled, and the snowball effect of triggered crap (including exhaustion and general stress).
So on one hand I really appreciated that A said that this was not typical of my work for the last 8 years. That means a lot, like someone noticed my hard work. However what was frustrating was that no one thought to just ask if I was okay. You can't often truly expect that, however I have been in pretty bad shape.
I have an improvement plan, I am okay with that. It is better than just a write up that is simply filed against possibly firing me. This way I can show EXACTLY what I am doing. My boss probably got a little of the sting from this as well. I had an opportunity to point out that I had been asking a question since October and just got the answer in March. It affects my pricing of programs. He was also told to get me an answer on my budget today, instead of me running around trying to find the answer myself. I have deadlines for programming and he has been giving me budget updates with the comment that he can't read them.
Now I can document every thing I do for the rest of the school year for this improvement plan, and hope to show ALL the work I am doing that he is barely aware of. With the counselor hopefully I can get to the bottom of my issues so I am not reacting to old issues or one belonging to another situation. And I really hope to sleep. The last 2 nights I have been waking up every 2 hours so agitated I have to get out of bed and walk around, maybe light some candles, play a video game and try very hard to get some more sleep. Brutal