I went to the counselor for work and he was super nice. I already feel some good things, it is different when you go in with one specific thing rather than a generalized angst. (not knocking generalized angst however). We made some connections to me losing my temper with boss, and a thing to do to practice not losing my temper. The counselor was validating to what was happening also.
So the next thing, and deep thought, is that I have been told or otherwise figured out that people see me as hard working and capable, so they are mystified when I don;t get something done. It is easy to say I am self sabotaging. But as the flower photos that dado posted there is often an invisible support for some people that makes them capable and beautiful. You may never see that a person does not have that support, so it seems they are just blowing it. I have been beating myself up about some things, and part of the truth is just that I get exhausted and as a result confused and not able to work one more hour at one more thing. Especially a thing that is not supported.
Not sure how to explain this to people, probably no ones business, however interesting.