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Thread: Acceptance of only doing what I can

  1. #1
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    Acceptance of only doing what I can

    I can say that after 4 1/2 years of my personal struggle with my father and (passing of my mother), I reached a place where I accepted I can only do so much. Anymore would be the death of me. Things that used to cause me intense stress and the oh my gosh I have to do something this second feeling, now cause me to say Ok I will deal with it with out stressing. I am pleased with myself.

    I feel for those that this stress goes on for years and years. I can only imagine

    Actually I feel at my ripe old age that way on most topics now. It is so strange as I have always been an I can fix that for you, type personality. In the end I never really fixed anyone else issues. Age brings experience and acceptance.

  2. #2
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    bikinglady, it is so much a learning process. I feel the same way.

    My own boundaries are set and I try hard not to impose on others boundaries. When I say no to something, I do not feel the need to make long explanations.

  3. #3
    Senior Member flowerseverywhere's Avatar
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    Accepting the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

    The Serenity prayer uttered maybe millions of times a day in church basements, meeting halls and rehab facilities. Simple words, yet so hard to do

    When you board an airplane the attendant says “put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else”. If you run out of oxygen you are no good to anybody.

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    That is great, Bikinglady. I am still not there yet with my folks.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    BikingLady:

    Although this is under the roughest of circumstances, I am glad to hear you are finding some peace.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  6. #6
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    I have never been a “fixer” in my personal life, but I felt responsible for a fair amount of stuff at work that might not have been my actual responsibility.

    Anyway, now in retirement I am free of that obligatory feeling. I observe a couple of people in my circle as “overfunctioning” a term I dislike for its trendy use. I personally consider them to be a bit of a busybody. But I also realize that is a fine line to tread, my “busybody” is someone else’s “helpful savior.”

  7. #7
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetana3 View Post
    bikinglady, it is so much a learning process. I feel the same way.

    My own boundaries are set and I try hard not to impose on others boundaries. When I say no to something, I do not feel the need to make long explanations.
    Ah the world of volunteerism, a place where boundaries are essential.

    I have a new friend who appears to me to be overcommitted with volunteer jobs and she has delicate health, and a precarious financial situation.

    She volunteered to head up a huge project for one of our plant societies. I think she has a 50% chance of completing it. She assumed I would be on her committee. Nope to that. I am not interested in perpetuating the project she is taking on, or at least not perpetuating it at the level it has been performed in the past. I like doing the front end piece of the work and will continue with that.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by flowerseverywhere View Post
    Accepting the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

    The Serenity prayer uttered maybe millions of times a day in church basements, meeting halls and rehab facilities. Simple words, yet so hard to do

    When you board an airplane the attendant says “put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else”. If you run out of oxygen you are no good to anybody.
    My son has the Serenity prayer tattooed on the back of his arm.

  9. #9
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    I used to do too much for people but that has recently come to an end.

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