Page 1 of 9 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 90

Thread: Getting old: Defy or accept?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Columbus, OH
    Posts
    8,176

    Getting old: Defy or accept?

    I am noticing some grey hair on the sides of my head and quite a bit in my beard. I have some deep lines on my forehead (each one is named in honor of the ex-girlfriend who put it there).

    I am not tempted to dye my hair or beard (Just For Men is for disguises only).

    But do you -- and this question is for the men and the ladies (and various other sexes and genders) -- defy aging or accept it?

    I know I am turned off when I see women with dyed hair or fake b00bs and when I see an older guy with a dye job and a fake tan I just think: "What a d-bag."

    But I am being harsh? Would it be better for my career or social life if I defied age instead of just drifting along with it?

    Thoughts?
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  2. #2
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    4,809
    UL, age really is a state of mind.

    I have a 96 year old neighbour who defies age, takes no meds, visits nursing homes to play cards with residents, drives to church on Sunday and bustles about in her everyday life. She is an inspiration.

    As far others and what they do with colouring, I am startled when I see very wrinkled faces of whatever sex with black or often reddish coloured hair. Often I am chuckling with their approach to life which is feisty. It is their choice and I am glad that they feel the freedom to make the choice.

    As a child, I had white-blond hair, as an adult it was mousy brown aka ash brown. With DH's help one day, I tried to dye my hair. When I was rinsing off the dye, DH quietly said, "Ooops". My hair was an orangey-red. I was horrified and then started laughing. At work it was a conversation topic with patients. It grew out and I never dyed my hair again. As time went by it gradually turned pepper/salt and now is a natural pearlized whitish-blond as my hairdresser calls it. Several people have asked me the colour of my hair dye. It suits my skin colour perfectly.

    Age definitely is an attitude IMO.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  3. #3
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    VT/NJ
    Posts
    8,054
    I love this topic.

    Essentially I have no problem with doing whatever makes a person feel comfortable. I dyed my hair for a decade or more, just because I thought it was what older women do, and because I didn't want any gray to make me look older for business purposes.

    But, philosophically, I'm an "accepter." Maybe because of my love of permaculture and the cycle of life, I honor the different seasons and see my role in each one. Do we go around spray painting vibrant fall leaves green? No!! We say, "Look at how beautiful the leaves are!" and we go on tours up North to view them.

    It helps that when I think of my elders, I'm inspired by their elder-beauty, so it makes me want to be like them. They look old, but they are so beautiful.

    When I see celebrities that seemingly haven't aged a day over three decades, I see a lack of authenticity. I once read that someone asked Bette Davis why she didn't get plastic surgery, she responded, "My dear, who would I be kidding?"

    At the same time, I believe in maintenance. I do appreciate a good smile. Good health is anti-aging. Just a couple of days ago I had a Master Gardener class with the Rutgers greenhouse director. She is probably about my age, and she was gorgeous. Her hair was still long, but grey and wavy, she was spry and her eyes lit up in a constant state of enthusiasm.

    I just turned 66. Two years ago I stopped dying my hair, but it doesn't look as gorgeous as the greenhouse director's. I keep begging my kids to tell me the truth as to whether or not I should do highlights, or go blonde again, and they tell me I look fine (although my daughter did tell me I should splurge with a dye job when I got a big gift card to a nice salon I used to go to when I could afford it). My gray doesn't seem to be hindering my ability to get jobs. But I have to admit, I look in the mirror and I sometimes feel I look "old."

    UL, I love grey hair on guys. Plus you are YOUNG! (I think you are around my kids' age, right? Thirty-something?) I know you start FEELING old at that age, but you are far from it. Just continue to embrace who you are. You defy age when you do what you can to stay healthy. Other than that, you can defy age, but age is going to win eventually.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    740
    In my opinion: accept or deny doesn't really matter as the aging process will continue regardless. I just turned 60 and am quite happy telling people. I don't color my hair, I don't wear makeup. I somewhat disagree that "age is a state of mind", rather I think "life/living is a state of mind". Forget the numbers and just be yourself - whoever that is at the moment.
    To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. - Anon.

    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. - Dalai Lama

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Price County, WI
    Posts
    676
    For every ailment under the sun
    There is a remedy, or there is none.
    If there be one, try to find it;
    If there be none, never mind it.


    Mother Goose, 1695

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,190
    My physical age defying activities are exercise and moisturizer. Also working on my nutrition.

    but I have never worn make up except for costumes, and I stopped cutting my hair (at all) 15 years ago.

  7. #7
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,870
    Some might call it deciding to age gracefully, I just call it laziness on my part. Since I started working at home full time (maybe 3 ish years ago), I stopped wearing makeup during the week (who ever sees me?) and last summer I stopped coloring my hair. I don't really like the look of it, plus my gray hair is ultra thin (and I used to have so much thick hair it was hard to get a good cut), so not sure that is a permanent decision, but for now I'm just too lazy to keep up with that kind of maintenance. Even when I do wear makeup, its minimal these days. Who am I kidding with a full mask anyways?

  8. #8
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    VT/NJ
    Posts
    8,054
    I'm the make-up lite type myself, and I don't color my hair, but when I see a before/after video like this, I have to admit reconsidering my current "laziness" as herbgeek put it. I identify with the mom in it--I don't look exactly like her, but she's got my "style" FWIW.

    http://tiphero.com/gray-hair-makeove...r-dk&utm_hob=2
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    3,319
    I think a healthy-looking, fit male with grey hair (and maybe some trimmed facial hair) is quite attractive. Weird me - I like to observe people in the checkout line at the grocery. Yesterday, there was an older man in front of me - I am guessing in his mid to late 70s. He was tall and slender with white hair and goatee. He smiled a lot as he conversed with the cashier. His cart was full of healthy food items. We are always learning from our elders whether we admit it or not. I know that observing my in-laws as they aged convinced me that it is about staying involved and curious about the world - they did not. They became sick and miserable in their 60s.

  10. #10
    Senior Member gimmethesimplelife's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    4,263
    Here's a gay male take on this issue. I'm glad, yes, glad, to be 51 years of age and see youth way behind me in my rear view mirror. Now that I've aged and that I show it, those gay men who are shallow and looks obsessed are not even going to notice that I am alive (and these are types I'd have little in common with and would likely not get along with anyway) and those who do notice I am alive are types that I would be more likely to get along with. Age has served to screen men out of my life that would tend to be problematic and frustrating to begin with. I've really learned to appreciate this aspect of aging.

    I recently came across a photo taken of myself when I was 17 - I honestly like how I look better now. There are aches and pains I have now and I do miss having a full head of hair - but what is, is, and I like this version of myself today. And as for gay society or even society in general thinking that I should be buffed up and young and do something about my lack of hair - I say start paying all my bills and then I will care about your mere opinion(s). Rob

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •