Okay, I am humbly asking for advice.
I have an extremely annoying coworker. I may have mentioned her on here before, but her annoyances and irritating tendencies have reached such a fever pitch that I am thinking of ways to deal with her.
Here is a sample platter of annoyances she serves up daily:
-Blows her nose and it sounds like a tuba
-She has literally farted in my cubicle
-She talks endlessly -- filibusters, really -- about archery
-Starts out many statements with "It is really funny..." but then it is not funny at all
-Her work is substandard and apparently my colleagues have to redo it (though I have not experienced this firsthand)
-She thinks she has mastered her job and that is why she is intellectually bored with her work and she says this often
-She endlessly complains about her commute to work (which is about an hour) -- the traffic, the accidents, the weather, the time changes, etc.
-Her laugh is rather Beavis & Butthead-like.
-She can't read facial expressions or non-verbal cues
-The level of her negativity is so far out into the stratosphere that even I get bothered by it
-She thinks most people really like her and enjoy her company but people cringe when she approaches them or put themselves into contortions or self-hypnosis to avoid her and/or cope with listening to her incessant and pointless chatter
-She repeats the same stories over a zillion times. We can all recite word-for-word her story about how her $60 microwave broke after only two years
Okay, you get the idea.
Ideas I suggested to my more influential colleagues:
1. Create a position for her where she must work almost entirely independently (right now she is paired with the most affable and funniest guy in the department -- he is also incredibly nice and gracious, but I see him being worn down)
2. Create a position for her that allows her to work from home for most days (usually working from home is a privilege only awarded to very conventionally attractive females, but I think it would serve us all well to give her this privilege).
3. Un-pair her from the most affable guy in the department and distribute her more equally, that way a great employee does not suffer the massive brunt of her and we all shoulder her annoyance a little bit
Two of my colleagues have suggested trying to get her fired for her incompetence. I would prefer not to do this because firing can be catching and I don't want to catch it. One colleague, before she got demoted, tried to talk to HR about getting the annoying woman fired. Apparently they were not open to this.
What can we do? Any other ideas for isolating her or dealing with her otherwise?
Thanks!