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Thread: Dh and retirement

  1. #31
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    I agree; separate dwellings are the only way to go. We used to talk about buying a duplex, which would have been perfect. It's good that you have several years to ease into a companionable retirement.
    Would love to do that. We're up here in VT now, and for a while I was seriously wishing I could buy a little tiny house right next door for just that reason.

    I'm finding that even though I'm still working full-time, because I'm working from home, DH expects me to just hang out with him. Today he said, "I'd like for you and me to go for a drive somewhere and then get something to eat." I had to tell him, "You wouldn't say that if I worked in an office downtown. You have to understand that I have to work." But he doesn't REALLY get it.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  2. #32
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    Would love to do that. We're up here in VT now, and for a while I was seriously wishing I could buy a little tiny house right next door for just that reason.

    I'm finding that even though I'm still working full-time, because I'm working from home, DH expects me to just hang out with him. Today he said, "I'd like for you and me to go for a drive somewhere and then get something to eat." I had to tell him, "You wouldn't say that if I worked in an office downtown. You have to understand that I have to work." But he doesn't REALLY get it.
    It's getting easier to buy tiny houses and site them, so there's still time. Enjoy your partner while you're both alive and kicking--even if you have to cut your workday short occasionally. My advice.

  3. #33
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    CL, just a couple of observations if I might share...
    First, as you said "he is just thinking about the money." I suspect it IS that simple. He was doing some calculations, needed a number to put in, as "I'm not sure" doesn't calculate easily, so he used his own theoretical "6"
    Second, this reminds me a lot of your discomfort around the prospect of a new teacher in the mix. I'm hoping this can be happily resolved in a few days, too.

  4. #34
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    It's getting easier to buy tiny houses and site them, so there's still time. Enjoy your partner while you're both alive and kicking--even if you have to cut your workday short occasionally. My advice.
    Good advice, Jane.

    Today I'm busy, but tomorrow's looking good for that meander.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  5. #35
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    Lol mschrisgo2,

    i hate change.

  6. #36
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    Maybe growing up in a small house with only one bathroom with siblings did me good. My DS is an only child and has a much greater need for space.

  7. #37
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    I think it may be best not to be around someone all the time. Mind you when I am with my bf we relate pretty intensely without a lot of distractions like t.v. so. I don't mind it, I like it, but I have my own place as well .

    Eh there's other reasons not to give up my place even if they sure as heck aren't financial right now (it's financially quite stupid) but mostly my bfs place is so noisy he says he can't sleep due to the noise. I need that sleep thing, would function ever more poorly without it. Also it's blazingly hot without a working a/c in summer top floor etc. (so even less sleep in summer, bf is often chronically sleep deprived). Falling apart, yea that too, but my place isn't super fancy or new either, just falling apart a little bit less.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  8. #38
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    I pretty much want to be around dh most of the time. I follow him around the house, I bend my schedule to his, I hate to sleep alone. If I want to be around people at all, I want to be around him. But I need to have a space I can go to where nobody moves anything. Where I don’t have to move anything. And where I can be alone. Consistent. Reliable. Free from the opinions of others.

  9. #39
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Everyone is at least a bit different But I will say that I need some alone time, I really do. Even when I was married I would do lots of stuff solo -- I'd go out into the AZ desert to shoot my bow. I would go fishing. I think people need solitude.
    “I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  10. #40
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
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    I've wondered for years how retirement will work for SO and I. He doesn't really have much in the way of hobbies/interests beyond watching tv and he gets bored with that. I routinely take off a week around either thanksgiving or christmas just to stay home and read, go for walks, do other little projects. He can't stand the idea of a 3 day weekend where we don't go out of town somewhere. But at least when we are home we have enough space that we don't have to be "together". That would make me crazy. For instance, he got home 1 1/2 hours ago and has been in the living room watching tv the whole time. Thankfully I can't hear the tv from here. I've been upstairs, first outside on the deck reading a book, then in my den researching random interests online and now still in the den reading, and posting, here. Weekends are spent the same way. Dinner and evenings together. The rest of the day not unless there's a specific activity we both want to go do. So hopefully retirement will also work for us similarly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    He seems to think the only important conversation is the money.
    I agree with others that 6 years should be plenty of time to get this talked out, but that you should start sooner rather than later. Maybe you need to be as blunt as "you seem to think money is the only thing we need to discuss about retirement. I DISAGREE." and go from there.

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