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Thread: Dh and retirement

  1. #51
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Have you considered shooting Harlan so that you don’t have the expense of his upkeep, the concern of his care while you travel, and the inconvenience of his belongings in your space?

    (I assume that question as absurd to you as yours is to me)

    I’m concerned about my mail. My meals, my sleep and activity schedule, the effects on my home including auditory, visual, and organizational issues, and loss of control over shopping decisions that are important to me (those with significant social or environmental impact) - what comes to mind at the moment.

    so, yeah, I should definitely give up an emotionally, intellectually, and sexually fulfilling relationship that also provides enjoyable shared activities and make a mess of my living arrangements, finances, and family dynamics to avoid having to address those other concerns....

  2. #52
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Central Jersey
    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post

    Have you considered an amicable termination of marriage upon your husband's retirement?
    Geez, UL, hopefully you were being facetious. That's absurd! A good marriage is a constant dynamic--a moving force that requires frequent readjustment and constant negotiation. "Living happily ever after" is simply one way of saying, "Happy despite the occasional speed bumps, workarounds, emotional outbreaks and hiatuses, giving without taking, taking without giving, head-scratching anger, frustration, and fear."

    CL and her dh will undoubtedly figure it out. In a long-term relationship, you travel to different "countries" over the decades, where the rules change, and then you adjust and enjoy the new view.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town

  3. #53
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Eastern Massachusetts
    Well said, Catherine!

  4. #54
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    CL; I love your response) I know you love your DH deeply and yes marriage is work and you have to keep evolving through lives changes. Retirement is a big change for everyone. You guys will adjust.

  5. #55
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Saint Paul, Minnesota
    When I read UL's comment I didn't take it seriously for a moment. It came across as facetious to me.

    My DW has stated many times that her ideal retirement living arrangement would be a his-and-hers duplex so we each could maintain décor and organization as we please. I know that we like sleeping next to each other often enough and have different financial priorities for our lives that that probably will never happen. We each put up with each other because those hills are not the ones to die for. Sometimes it comes down to a compromise which leaves neither party 100% happy -- or 100% unhappy. I've learned over the years to be more comfortable with a level of disorder in the house I would never have accepted when I was single. And she has learned that many things in this house are where they are for studied analyzed reasons and that moving them calls for providing more study and analysis of what is gained by the change. We'll figure it out. And playfully poke at each other in the process. We love and respect each other too much to sink a marriage on this kind of stuff...
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

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