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Thread: Dh and retirement

  1. #61
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    I wish DH cooked as I get sick of it. He shops with my list.

  2. #62
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    So, THAT is the sort of thing I am afraid of as far as space issues go when dh retires. He will be home. My mail will be driving him nuts. He will remove it from the couch/table/ottoman/floor and put it in my designated mail spot (whatever that is, you can be sure that it will not be in plain sight in the middle of a living area) in spite of probably agreeing (under duress, because a “normal” person would find it reasonable) to having a designated mail area and to whatever one was chosen, I will never think to look at my designated mail area, because my brain is “out of sight, out of mind” - and I will forget to make my car/cc/share of the home loan payment, or respond to an invitation, or put an important event on the calendar....
    It had never occurred to me that SO seeing the mail might be a trigger to remember to pay the bills. And he's never suggested that so I don't know that it is in fact the case for him as it is for you. Personally when I see a stack of paper I don't think "oh yeah, gotta pay the bills." I think "accck. Another mess to stress me out." The other things I'm constantly putting away for SO are his dirty laundry and his meds. (he's been going through a serious illness for several years now so has a huge assortment of them). It would completely stress me out and depress me simultaneously if I had to live in a house strewn with dirty clothes and a kitchen counter that had 20 prescription bottles spread out over all of it. The solution I came up with to maintain my sanity may not work for everyone but it seems to work for us. Honestly if it didn't I'd be open to some sort of modification, but not to leaving the mail out to trigger reminders about bills. I'd rather go to the trouble of opening the bills, putting the due dates in a joint calendar, and then putting them away, rather than just leaving them out. But again, that's just SO and me. Every couple needs to figure out how to work together so that they can live together in peace and harmony.

  3. #63
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    Yep, everyone is different. All that stuff after “the trouble of” would still translate to me forgetting about the bills. We have already established that I will not remember to look at the joint calendar unless it is physically and prominently displayed in a living space (and surfaces I don’t “see” include the fridge door) and computer alarms can go off for hours before I ask “what is that noise?” I misplace my cell phone for days at a time - I just rarely need it.

    but if you don’t disrupt my “system” I can pull exactly the piece of paper you need out of the 8” stack on the end of the kitchen counter in about 30 seconds. And it will be the thing you threw out last week because you thought you didn’t need it anymore....

  4. #64
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    ..
    but if you don’t disrupt my “system” I can pull exactly the piece of paper you need out of the 8” stack on the end of the kitchen counter in about 30 seconds. And it will be the thing you threw out last week because you thought you didn’t need it anymore....
    My mother, who had a similar system, pulled a crucial check out of the bottom of a drawer to prove they had indeed paid off their mortgage. I have a similar system to yours--once something is out of sight, it becomes a delightful surprise to be discovered later.

  5. #65
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    An example of this is what happened with our taxes this year. Dh was working on the taxes and I was entering donations. I got done and moved on to classwork. He got done, gathered up all of “his stuff” and left my mess and the “recycling for me. Several days later I finally sorted through the mess on the ottoman, recycled the recycling, and put all the tax documents in a folder. Which I then carried downstairs and balanced on the edge of a bookshelf because I couldn’t get to the file drawer.

    when dh got ready to actually turn in the taxes weeks later, he was angry because he could not find the special code number he needed. He was sure I took it, and I was sure that if I had picked it up I would have put it in one if the two locations I always put his papers. Finally I asked “ when was the last time you saw it?” Assuming he would say something like “yesterday.” But he said “I don’t know, it’s been weeks!” At which point I said “like, when we were working together in here?” “Probably” and then my brain went through it’s pinball routine and 30 seconds later he had his paper “I did take it. You put it in the recycling. It looked important.”

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