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Thread: DD asking us to get vaccinations

  1. #41
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    Wow I would not be good with that. My brother married a very demanding woman when I was 15 and everyone bent over backwards trying to be nice, let her be the boss, etc. She would lie about what you said to her if you were in a room alone with her, etc. My sister was older and got fed up too. Finally at 30 I had enough and was done with them. Then they quit coming much to see my parents. After my Dad died they divorced and he had a lot of guilt over how he treated my parents. My dad was dead but he tried to make it up to my Mom. When he got a serious girlfriend my easy going mom said she learned a big lesson and was never going to be a door mat again in the interest of family harmony. It turned out that the next wife was not crazy like the first. my brother realized his mistake and told his new wife that if she could not get along with my mom they would not be getting married. Things worked out fine. I have a daughter in law that i love very much and we get alone great. We can be honest with each other and kind. I do take things personally and I would not allow myself to be bossed around in order to see my grandchildren. One of our step-sons is also married and we get alone with his spouse too. It sounds like you have an approach that works for you which is good. Between us we have 5 boys so will be interesting to see what happens if the rest get married.

  2. #42
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    I will completely allow myself to be bossed around in order to see my grandchildren. If I ever get any grandchildren. I will share my thoughts and then I will do as I am told. Because they are not my children. Heck, I already made changes in my life to accommodate dogs - because my dil loves her dogs and I love her and I want her to be happy when she comes here!

    I once told my father - who weighs over 200lbs that if I ever found out he had a beer and drove my kids again it would be the last time they were left with him. I realize that one beer with pizza has absolutely no effect on him, but I did not want my kids to see someone they look up to drinking and driving. He said “ok. If I drink, your mom will drive.”

  3. #43
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    Razz, I am not saying she does not have a right to decide what is right for her babies. I think she should have asked and not demanded. I don't interfere in my kids lives and they make their own decisions. Fortunately, none of my friends that are grandmother's have been faced with getting over-vaccinated by this ridiculous request.
    Asked, not demanded? Umm, so,if she asked and the other person said “ No I dont wanna do that” then what? She is simply stating boundaries.

    I agree with razz, this young mother is in charge of the health of her possibly fragile babies. She gets to set the rules. No one gets automatic access to grandchildeen regardless of any danger they may present.

    sounds like you “know better. “ Good luck with that philosophy in dealing with a daughter in law and her children. Here’s hoping ypu dont have to run i to that. She is not hurting the children, she is only potentially hurting granny, and really who cares about that situation. No one.

  4. #44
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    Wow I would not be good with that. My brother married a very demanding woman when I was 15 and everyone bent over backwards trying to be nice, let her be the boss, etc. She would lie about what you said to her if you were in a room alone with her, etc. My sister was older and got fed up too. Finally at 30 I had enough and was done with them. Then they quit coming much to see my parents. After my Dad died they divorced and he had a lot of guilt over how he treated my parents. My dad was dead but he tried to make it up to my Mom. When he got a serious girlfriend my easy going mom said she learned a big lesson and was never going to be a door mat again in the interest of family harmony. It turned out that the next wife was not crazy like the first. my brother realized his mistake and told his new wife that if she could not get along with my mom they would not be getting married. Things worked out fine. I have a daughter in law that i love very much and we get alone great. We can be honest with each other and kind. I do take things personally and I would not allow myself to be bossed around in order to see my grandchildren. One of our step-sons is also married and we get alone with his spouse too. It sounds like you have an approach that works for you which is good. Between us we have 5 boys so will be interesting to see what happens if the rest get married.
    none of this has anything to do with a young mother who sets boundaries, perhaps overzealous boundaries but perhaps not, to protect her children.

  5. #45
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    Disclaimer - I didnít read the whole thread.

    This is a good vaccine - whooping cough is making a comeback. It kills babies. Adults need boosters. She might even be acting on the advice of her doctor in asking you to get it.

  6. #46
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tammy View Post
    Disclaimer - I didn’t read the whole thread.

    This is a good vaccine - whooping cough is making a comeback. It kills babies. Adults need boosters. She might even be acting on the advice of her doctor in asking you to get it.
    What a concept, following the advice of her doctor. Who treats high risk pregnancies. Who delivers fragile babies.

    How could he POSSiBLY know more than this crowd?

    I am out of this discussion.

  7. #47
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    I might see the twins once before they are six months old simply because we are so far away. I am wondering about all the other people DD and babies will come in contact with in their first few months - Surely not everyone out there will have had the shots. Where does a new mom draw the line? Should she not go out in public for three months just to be safe? I recall a co-worker who had a baby and I found it odd that she would not allow us to touch the baby without gloves who by that time was four months old. Things have changed for sure.

  8. #48
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    My three children had chicken pox one at a time 19 years ago. The were first exposed shortly after Halloween. I did not take them away from the house until the last one was scabbed over shortly before Christmas to avoid exposing a possibly pregnant and non-immune or immunocompromised person to the chicken pox. It was not fun. But balancing high risk of being very inconvenienced for a couple of months against a low risk of accidentally killing someone was easy. The first was acceptable. The second, no matter how unlikely, was not.

    i absolutely would have gone with the not going out in public for three months thing if I thought it was in the best interest of my child.

    edit to add - when heartgrandson was almost three, his mom left him with me one day, and when she came back, we showed off the trick he had learned of walking up the seesaw and tipping it and walking down while holding my hand. I saw the look on her face and asked him “do you ever do that without a grown up holding your hand?” And he said “NO!” And then I told her “but if it worries you, I won’t ever do it again.”

    she said “no. I need you to do things like that with him. But I need you to do them when i’m not looking.”

  9. #49
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    The last I heard about access to fragile newborns is that it is recommended that the parents wait 6 months before the babies are in public contact.
    Quote Originally Posted by pinkytoe View Post
    I might see the twins once before they are six months old simply because we are so far away. I am wondering about all the other people DD and babies will come in contact with in their first few months - Surely not everyone out there will have had the shots. Where does a new mom draw the line? Should she not go out in public for three months just to be safe? I recall a co-worker who had a baby and I found it odd that she would not allow us to touch the baby without gloves who by that time was four months old. Things have changed for sure.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  10. #50
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    In healthy families both parents and children show love and respect for one another and communicate about important items. Imagine if they had talked about it and PT sees how concerned her daughter is. Then PT researches and says I will do the whooping cough because I haven't had it and will do a titer to see if I am immune to the others. Anything I am not immune to I will re-do. This would be a win-win for everyone instead of conflict. A compromise that is agreeable to all parties can frequently be reached. Since my parents were competent people I did not dictate what they would do or not do with my kids. Of course no one loves those kids more then parents and grandparents and we would talk about various things pertaining to the kids and put our heads together so to speak. My in-laws were also competent people that I respected. Yes parents have the final say but this can be done with showing your parents respect. We respected both sets of parents opinion even if in the end we decided something different.

    IL: my story had everything to do with how people treat you. You teach people how to treat you and if you allow bad/bullying behavior that does not show respect then you are part of the problem.

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