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Thread: Paying Off Big Debt - June 2018

  1. #31
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    Totally agree that it would be a bad idea to caretake your parents. This is your time to enjoy. Do the things you and your husband didn’t have time for, etc. I hope you can find a affordable home that you like.

  2. #32
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    Well, we just got back from dealing with parents' house and the nursing home, so we are waiting to catch our breath and then see if we can't buy something this fall in New England. A couple of great candidates, and I have concluded I can't handle moving to my parents to take care of them, even though dad kind of offered us their house. But I have two brothers who feel lots of ownership of the house, and I do not want them on my back or telling me what to do in my own house--it just won't work. If I were an only child or supportive siblings, I would do it. I am not up to bringing them home to live there with us, as they need more care than I can handle, and I do not think they would be cooperative if they were back in their own home again. (Last summer, for example, my mom, who has dementia, got herself on the new zero turn mower and crashed herself into the side of the house and was apparently black and blue on one side of her body--but no one ever let us know of this.) My dad will go back to drinking if he goes home and then the falls and extreme self neglect will begin again, except that I will be expected to caretake for them, referee, fix their giant house, mow the acreage--anyway, I am not volunteering for this as it will not work and my brothers will come along and either tell me what I am doing wrong or sue me, depending on which brother.

    It would also end my marriage.

    So, that has freed us up of this idea, that we move into their house. I cannot and will not do that.

    I'd rather have a mortgage than be the family slave, which is where this was headed.
    It sounds like you have made the best decision for you and your family, so at least Step 1 is checked off. It is truly a difficult decision, but I think yours is well thought out. I wish you the best in Step 2, Tybee, and I hope that you do find the house that's right for you in New England.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  3. #33
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    Thanks, guys, I appreciate the support!

  4. #34
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    I am so glad my father-in-law’s situation was resolved without rancor amoung the siblings. DH’s little brother had made noise about making sure his dad never went into nursing care and he would stay “a few months” if necessary to keep that from happening. But when FIL beoke his hip and is now unable to walk, that quickly and irrefuteably squelched the idea of a “few months” of care in FIL’s home. FIL is permenantly in a wheelchair.

    None of the other siblings would have stepped up to be caregivers, not because there is family ill will but because they all have their own lives and know their limits. It is such a relief that no one amoung the 5 siblings is dictating what everyone else must do.

    DH’s siblings really have always been practical and easy to get along with.

  5. #35
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    None of the other siblings would have stepped up to be caregivers, not because there is family ill will but because they all have their own lives and know their limits. It is such a relief that no one amoung the 5 siblings is dictating what everyone else must do.
    It's ironic that when there is a sibling dictating like that, it's almost always the sibling furthest away with the least "investment" in what got the cared-for to that point...
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

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