seems full of @#$# to me, but at 20 something or something we all are in that way."I'm intrigued by intelligence. (Not that I know everything.)
show me, don't tell me. Does she have a demonstrated history of this in prior relationships or existing friendships, or is this just happy talk. talk is cheap.I think communication, respect, honesty, laughter, loyalty and learning from one another are key parts to a relationship.
Trees don't grow on money
From when I was using on-line personals, I don't recall profiles and responses as -- umm, extreme -- as the ones UL provided, but the way some were written made it seem pretty obvious what had happened (or didn't happen) in previous relationships.
I did see profiles similar to "single mom" (above), which were not unexpected to me. For whatever reason the situation existed, the profile explained there was one parent and more than one kid in the house. I did not expect "mom" to throw the kids overboard for me (or any other prospective partner); if things didn't work out, she still had to be there for the kids because the kids were not ready to be on their own. If I were in UL's situation ("bad single mom"), this would be a stop sign; it wasn't for me.
I did see other profiles and requests for contact which clearly illuminated facets of earlier relationships. The ones who mentioned wanting a long-term relationship without games, monogamous, fidelity (several times in the profile)... I mean, I wanted all those things, too, but apparently I had not been burned enough by not having them to make a special point of it multiple times in my profile. The responses which emphasized how submissive and "go-along-to-get-along" they were (works for some guys; didn't work for me, and I was clear about that in my profile). The ones who made a point of the prospect being "financially stable" and "emotionally mature" (c'mon; we're all around 40-50 years old; maybe I lived in a bubble but I expected it of the women. Maybe I was doing the 'guy' thing wrong). The ones who specified in feet and inches how tall their prospective LTR had to be (really? everyone under 6'2" isn't worth talking to?)
I don't think I could predict the outcome of a date based on the profile as well as UL apparently can but there were some profiles which went beyond a basic this-is-what-I'm-looking-for-this-is-what-I'm-like to a level that led me to pass on the idea of contacting those women. And undoubtedly there were some who passed on my based on my profile. No harm, no foul. I rather liked on-line personals because I could read 'em at 6 am when I woke up and they could reply back during the day when they could -- and way easier than a phone call.
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington
My daughter just pointed out to me that about 30% of the people in the age range I describe here are overly-right-wing Republicans and Trump supporters, and immediately off-the-table because of their anti-much-of-me stances. And about 30% are too far to the left, though perhaps more likely to tolerate my existence.
So the numbers shrink.
I can double the numbers if I widen my search to the other large-population island in the County.
Or, I can see more people than that entire pool in *a single night* at educational/social events for shared interests in Seattle, Vancouver, or Victoria. People who are *much* more likely to have overlapping frames of mind. Looked at that way, the time to travel seems quite acceptable. Fishing in the local pond seems likely to be an exercise in foolishness.
The difficulty with it, like many other such places, is that Sturgeon's Law applies. In spades.
In particular, many people use it as a forum to express their fantasies, but never dare bring their hopes to fruition, so there are a lot of time-wasters, and predators, there.
bae,
I am admiring your forward-looking attitude. FWIW, from an internet stranger, I feel strongly that things will work out well for you.
In my own case, it was circumstance that led me to my SO who was a high school friend who had reconnected with me via internet. We had never dated back then but it was pretty clear this time that we were a match. So years after my 2 divorces, and a long-term relationship, and dating here and there, and then no dating at all, I found my real mate.
My eye-opening lesson was, Oh, so this is what it's like to have a real partner. And the main way I knew it was because our time together was so easy - no arguments, no drama, lots of things we can both laugh at and enjoy each day. Simple. When I look back at all the sturm und drang that I put up with in prior relationships I'm sorry I didn't realize the obvious: that with those guys, we were not a match. Simple.
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