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Thread: Romance Scammers......

  1. #51
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post

    In the singles group where I met DH there was one woman who joined in with 5 small children. She hooked up with a guy who had 1 child. Fairly soon after, they brought the brood to a singles group picnic and when they left, they left one of the kids behind mistakenly. No shit, a litter is hard to track.
    That is funny and horrible!

  2. #52
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    "I'm intrigued by intelligence. (Not that I know everything.)
    seems full of @#$# to me, but at 20 something or something we all are in that way.

    I think communication, respect, honesty, laughter, loyalty and learning from one another are key parts to a relationship.
    show me, don't tell me. Does she have a demonstrated history of this in prior relationships or existing friendships, or is this just happy talk. talk is cheap.
    Trees don't grow on money

  3. #53
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ApatheticNoMore View Post
    seems full of @#$# to me, but at 20 something or something we all are in that way.



    show me, don't tell me. Does she have a demonstrated history of this in prior relationships or existing friendships, any experience at all with this, or is this just happy talk. talk is cheap.
    Some things you have to meet them and get to know them to find out.

  4. #54
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    Or things they say in their profiles:
    -Workaholics ("I work long hours and have not had time for a relationship, but after I turned 40 I decided to clear 3 hours on Saturday mornings for a relationship with a special someone")
    -Bad single moms ("I have four kids and they are my world! They always come first, so you better love kids and have a good job, your own car, and own your own home so we can move in!"
    -Bitter women: "I am sick of these no good, low down thugs/losers/big baby-men who be cheatin' on me, eating all my food, expeckin' me pay they cell phone billz!"
    -Women with wedding bells in their ears: They list their age as 39 and say: "I want to be married before I turn 40!"
    From when I was using on-line personals, I don't recall profiles and responses as -- umm, extreme -- as the ones UL provided, but the way some were written made it seem pretty obvious what had happened (or didn't happen) in previous relationships.

    I did see profiles similar to "single mom" (above), which were not unexpected to me. For whatever reason the situation existed, the profile explained there was one parent and more than one kid in the house. I did not expect "mom" to throw the kids overboard for me (or any other prospective partner); if things didn't work out, she still had to be there for the kids because the kids were not ready to be on their own. If I were in UL's situation ("bad single mom"), this would be a stop sign; it wasn't for me.

    I did see other profiles and requests for contact which clearly illuminated facets of earlier relationships. The ones who mentioned wanting a long-term relationship without games, monogamous, fidelity (several times in the profile)... I mean, I wanted all those things, too, but apparently I had not been burned enough by not having them to make a special point of it multiple times in my profile. The responses which emphasized how submissive and "go-along-to-get-along" they were (works for some guys; didn't work for me, and I was clear about that in my profile). The ones who made a point of the prospect being "financially stable" and "emotionally mature" (c'mon; we're all around 40-50 years old; maybe I lived in a bubble but I expected it of the women. Maybe I was doing the 'guy' thing wrong). The ones who specified in feet and inches how tall their prospective LTR had to be (really? everyone under 6'2" isn't worth talking to?)

    I don't think I could predict the outcome of a date based on the profile as well as UL apparently can but there were some profiles which went beyond a basic this-is-what-I'm-looking-for-this-is-what-I'm-like to a level that led me to pass on the idea of contacting those women. And undoubtedly there were some who passed on my based on my profile. No harm, no foul. I rather liked on-line personals because I could read 'em at 6 am when I woke up and they could reply back during the day when they could -- and way easier than a phone call.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  5. #55
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    Awesome analysis! It is a tough game out there, even if you switch hit.
    My daughter just pointed out to me that about 30% of the people in the age range I describe here are overly-right-wing Republicans and Trump supporters, and immediately off-the-table because of their anti-much-of-me stances. And about 30% are too far to the left, though perhaps more likely to tolerate my existence.

    So the numbers shrink.

    I can double the numbers if I widen my search to the other large-population island in the County.

    Or, I can see more people than that entire pool in *a single night* at educational/social events for shared interests in Seattle, Vancouver, or Victoria. People who are *much* more likely to have overlapping frames of mind. Looked at that way, the time to travel seems quite acceptable. Fishing in the local pond seems likely to be an exercise in foolishness.

  6. #56
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bae View Post
    My daughter just pointed out to me that about 30% of the people in the age range I describe here are overly-right-wing Republicans and Trump supporters, and immediately off-the-table because of their anti-much-of-me stances. And about 30% are too far to the left, though perhaps more likely to tolerate my existence.

    So the numbers shrink.

    I can double the numbers if I widen my search to the other large-population island in the County.

    Or, I can see more people than that entire pool in *a single night* at educational/social events for shared interests in Seattle, Vancouver, or Victoria. People who are *much* more likely to have overlapping frames of mind. Looked at that way, the time to travel seems quite acceptable. Fishing in the local pond seems likely to be an exercise in foolishness.
    Have you heard of FetLife?

  7. #57
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    Have you heard of FetLife?
    It is possible :-)

  8. #58
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bae View Post
    It is possible :-)
    Ha! Okay, thought it might have some appeal based on what you self-disclosed.

    I am a real square comparatively. So it doesn't have much draw for me. But I have some kinky amigos and amigas who dig it.

  9. #59
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    I am a real square comparatively. So it doesn't have much draw for me. But I have some kinky amigos and amigas who dig it.
    The difficulty with it, like many other such places, is that Sturgeon's Law applies. In spades.

    In particular, many people use it as a forum to express their fantasies, but never dare bring their hopes to fruition, so there are a lot of time-wasters, and predators, there.

  10. #60
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    bae,
    I am admiring your forward-looking attitude. FWIW, from an internet stranger, I feel strongly that things will work out well for you.

    In my own case, it was circumstance that led me to my SO who was a high school friend who had reconnected with me via internet. We had never dated back then but it was pretty clear this time that we were a match. So years after my 2 divorces, and a long-term relationship, and dating here and there, and then no dating at all, I found my real mate.
    My eye-opening lesson was, Oh, so this is what it's like to have a real partner. And the main way I knew it was because our time together was so easy - no arguments, no drama, lots of things we can both laugh at and enjoy each day. Simple. When I look back at all the sturm und drang that I put up with in prior relationships I'm sorry I didn't realize the obvious: that with those guys, we were not a match. Simple.

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