I’m a lucky person. Damn lucky.
I’m a lucky person. Damn lucky.
We know a couple that has been on a rollercoaster ride -- some mental illness (bipolar) on his part; co-dependency on hers and a shining interest in wanting people to see the placid duck on the pond and not the mad paddling beneath the water's surface. Not too long ago she posted a picture of the two of them on their anniversary (20 years or so) with the caption (paraphrasing) "marriage is tough and ugly and hard work and it's the best thing evah".Originally Posted by Lainey
Of course, no one knows exactly what goes on inside a marriage (sometimes not even the husband and wife). But DW and I read that and looked at each other (second spouses each) and wondered. We don't agree on everything and, at least on the surface, are quite different people. But both of us are sure that our marriage is better for being easier than it was for either of us in earlier relationships (not just marriages). Very few arguments, no drama, and lots of things we can both laugh and enjoy each day -- including each other's foibles. If the first marriages had been this good there wouldn't have been second marriages...
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington
Sounds to me like they're doing it wrong.
yes. When people express that old chestnut “Marriage is the hardest job you will ever have” I think “why bother then. Who needs another ‘job’?”
On the other hand, one thing I heard that told me my first marriage was dead in the water was my then-wife proclaiming, "I didn't think I would have to work at my marriage." Well, maybe it's not your primary waking activity and maybe it's not hard labor, but there is work involved in marriage (or any similar relationship). Even as easy as marriage with my wife is now, it's not just do whatever you please and not think about accommodating your partner.
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington
Another theory:
In our culture, ideal love is heavily romanticized. Our music, television, billboards, advertising, and books are all very influential, especially to younger females. We are saturated in images of what love should look like: lots of grandiose romantic gestures, passionate arguments ending in one or the other storming off with the inevitable reconnection, dramatic declarations like "no one has what we have!", over the top proposals accompanied by very expensive diamond jewelry ending in a lavish wedding.
Especially for women, this is supposed to be our life goal. If you don't have a romantic partner, especially one who is on board with all of this, you have failed. As a result, many women and men spend a lot of time and energy chasing that love style as if it's the only way. And it distorts what successful everyday relationships actually look and feel like.
I know it can be hard, but I wish singles who are looking could look past this and realize what a real partnership can be.
I'm glad I was mostly impervious to that particular social message.
I'm with others who feel that a solid relationship shouldn't take hard work. Of course, there's give and take, ups and downs, all that. But if it were one long joyless slog, I would prefer being alone.
Back to the OP....
Rob, did you get the feeling with "potential to visit Philippines", them picking the hotel, etc....was it scamming for sex trafficking? So scary how easy it is for people to wind up lost and never heard from again.
Float On: My "Happy Place" is on my little kayak in the coves of Table Rock Lake.
I used to see couples walking through the park holding hands and I would think: "I want what they have!"
Or I would see a couple zipping down the bicycle lane, laughing in the breeze and think: "I want what they have!"
But now I think: "They probably have a bunch of petty squabbles and annoy each other endlessly. Maybe it is better that I don't have that."
Why does it have to be one or the other? In my marriage we annoy each other, we have fun.
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