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Thread: Romance Scammers......

  1. #71
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Why does it have to be one or the other? In my marriage we annoy each other, we have fun.
    Yes! And there is way more fun than annoyance.

  2. #72
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Why does it have to be one or the other? In my marriage we annoy each other, we have fun.
    Haha! Maybe I am mostly just consoling myself.
    ďI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  3. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    Haha! Maybe I am mostly just consoling myself.
    I believe the ideal ratio of positive to negative interactions is 5:1 in a successful relationship. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-mag...rding-science/ Makes sense, but I think it should come easily; if you have to force yourself just to do that much then it's a red flag.

  4. #74
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    I used to see couples walking through the park holding hands and I would think: "I want what they have!"

    Or I would see a couple zipping down the bicycle lane, laughing in the breeze and think: "I want what they have!"

    But now I think: "They probably have a bunch of petty squabbles and annoy each other endlessly. Maybe it is better that I don't have that."
    I hold my wifeís hand when we walk. Iím sure we look like the perfect couple. Truth is ....she trips over the slightest imperfections in the sidewalk and I hold her up. Itís either that or a skinned knee or broken wrist. And I donít want to sit in the ER waiting room.

  5. #75
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0
    I'm with others who feel that a solid relationship shouldn't take hard work. Of course, there's give and take, ups and downs, all that. But if it were one long joyless slog, I would prefer being alone.
    One of the best pieces of advice I'd ever read was "Better to be alone than wish you were."

    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    But now I think: "They probably have a bunch of petty squabbles and annoy each other endlessly. Maybe it is better that I don't have that."
    You can squabble over little things. I worked for several years in a cube near a guy who would have a knock-down-drag-out fight with his wife over the phone maybe 2-3 times a year. Little profanity but lots of raised voices and hanging up on each other. They've been married for 30 years. Apparently this way to behave works for them.

    DW and I probably could write lists of what each does that annoys the other. If it's really bothersome, we'll say something (and hope for the best; change is not guaranteed). But we chose to look the other way a lot because, in the long run, traits like leaving trails of mail throughout the house (her) or a dogged insistence on how to load the dishwasher (me) really don't matter as much to us as the exhibitions of kindness, integrity, listening, etc. There are no petty squabbles here; we've been in enough relationships to know that bickering (for us) is not a substitute for attachment. The two of you simply have to decide that's how you'll behave. No real magic there (with the right personalities).
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  6. #76
    Moderator Float On's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SteveinMN View Post
    DW and I probably could write lists of what each does that annoys the other. If it's really bothersome, we'll say something (and hope for the best; change is not guaranteed). But we chose to look the other way a lot because, in the long run, traits like leaving trails of mail throughout the house (her) or a dogged insistence on how to load the dishwasher (me) really don't matter as much to us as the exhibitions of kindness, integrity, listening, etc. There are no petty squabbles here; we've been in enough relationships to know that bickering (for us) is not a substitute for attachment. The two of you simply have to decide that's how you'll behave. No real magic there (with the right personalities).
    You know that scene in Date Night with all the drawers open. Yea, that's me. I work so hard to close my drawer in the bathroom or all the kitchen cabinets now. Took me 28 years but I'm better....mostly. DH still leaves a pair of socks by the bed every day. According to him it's not the same thing.
    Float On: My "Happy Place" is on my little kayak in the coves of Table Rock Lake.

  7. #77
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SteveinMN View Post
    One of the best pieces of advice I'd ever read was "Better to be alone than wish you were."

    You can squabble over little things. I worked for several years in a cube near a guy who would have a knock-down-drag-out fight with his wife over the phone maybe 2-3 times a year. Little profanity but lots of raised voices and hanging up on each other. They've been married for 30 years. Apparently this way to behave works for them. ... .
    I worked for a time next to an odd duck that used to have lengthy conversations with his wife about her chronic constipation. I would have welcomed a good old-fashioned fight.

  8. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    I worked for a time next to an odd duck that used to have lengthy conversations with his wife about her chronic constipation. I would have welcomed a good old-fashioned fight.
    This is one of my coworkers, only with her aging mother, who is hard of hearing, so the entire conversation is loud.

  9. #79
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Float On View Post
    You know that scene in Date Night with all the drawers open. Yea, that's me. I work so hard to close my drawer in the bathroom or all the kitchen cabinets now. Took me 28 years but I'm better....mostly. DH still leaves a pair of socks by the bed every day. According to him it's not the same thing.
    I remember that we had a conversation a few months back about my SO and your shared "paper trail" habit, and now I learn that you and he are both believers in an "open door policy"??? The two of you really would be perfect for each other! (The first time I went to his apartment all the kitchen cabinets were wide open. Because, hey, you'll need something out of them eventually, so why force yourself to go through the hassle of re-opening it.

    I've decided that if we ever build a house/renovate a kitchen that we'll just install shelves, not cabinets. It'll be cheaper, he'll like the convenience, and I'll like not having to worry about banging my melon on doors.

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