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Thread: Depression, self talk, and asking for what you need

  1. #1
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    Depression, self talk, and asking for what you need

    The depression got really bad this week. Last night dh came home from work, made me get out of bed and take a shower - as in actually pulled me by the hand and undressed me, watched me eat some healthy food, and took me out for a drive for some fresh air. I spent a lot of it crying.

    i slept ten hours.

    i’m doing better today. In part because I have worked really hard at not setting any goals for the day.

    this morning, when I got up and looked at the mess of dishes in my house, the voice in my head started to tell me the story that starts with “this place is a disaster” and ends with “I am a failure as a human being.” And I stopped it. I said “no, new story. Dh and Dd have had mostly home cooked meals all week and they have done basically no dishwashing, so of course this place is a mess. I’m going to clear a space so I can do the milking, and then while the milk is filtering, i’ll help them out and run a load of dishes.” So I did that.

    then when dh got home, he saw that I was “better” and suggested that in the interest of improving HIS mental health, I clear up the mess on the kitchen so he could fix some lunch. I got angry. Unsatisfactory but temporarily functional resolution. I need to work on communicating with him.

    as far as “to do”s, I have done the things that are critical - like feeding the livestock. Also, heartdaughter sent me the address for heartgrandson at camp next week, and I thought “I will just write him a letter now and get it in the mail.” So I did that without making it a list thing.

    and this afternoon Dd was making party favors and I gathered up the materials for her and then sat down and joined her.

    she is having a joint graduation celebration with her best friend. The other family is hosting. Dd went over this morning to help mow and set up tables. She also did the shopping. I helped make the party favors and dh and I are paying for half the food and we got a photo cake. I also put together props for the “photo booth” over a month ago. I need to tell myself, and believe, that that is perfectly fine.

    my mother did parties like Martha Stewart meets Disneyland. Alternately, my father planned to not be home. I am a perfectly good parent.

  2. #2
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    Yes you are a good parent. Your kids are adults, right? So you raised them up successfully, and now they are the energetic generation and you should get to be the relaxing generation.

  3. #3
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Challenging the automatic negative self-talk and recasting the narrative is a very helpful thing to do!

    My wife, who has experienced major depression for most of her adult life, says it is essential to her sanity and ability to function.

  4. #4
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    I know what you tell yourself has more impact than what "strangers" tell you, but I see you as an extremely competent, super hard-working, compassionate human being. FWIW.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  5. #5
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    Chicken lady....((((Hugs))))

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sad Eyed Lady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CathyA View Post
    Chicken lady....((((Hugs))))
    Me too.
    "Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk in the midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free." Leonard Cohen

  7. #7
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    I find I am my own worst critic, upholding expectations for myself that no one else (love me or don't know I exist) holds. Hang in there, cl. You are doing a good job.
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  8. #8
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    Seriously, CL - you get more done in a day than most get done in a week! Hugs from me too. My sister struggles with depression and it is such a hideous beast. Also painful to watch helplessly on the sidelines.

  9. #9
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    I am amazed at how hard you work. You are too hard on yourself. Hugs)

  10. #10
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    Today I am more functional than yesterday - I slept late and still finished all the morning chores before noon. (Yesterday it was 3pm)

    i ran a load load of dishes.

    i’m drinking Lots of water.

    my weight is trending in the wrong direction, which is bad for both my self esteem and knees, but today is not the day to take that in hand. Dd made pancakes for breakfast, and I just enjoyed them. Fruit and nuts for lunch, and Dd is also making dinner - vegetarian, for me, which kind of surprised me because I figured she was cooking for Father’s Day? I guess he got pancakes.

    i am going to for three loads of laundry. And shower. And ask dh if he will help me fix the wall in the basement, so I can finish that and put my shelf up. Maybe another load of dishes.

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