Depression, self talk, and asking for what you need

[Zoe Girl]

Good for you, in my recent breakdown I have found that everyone has either had a serious issue at some point or has been close to someone who has. It is much more common than we often know.

I focus on eating meals, sleeping at regular times, and bathing.

[Float On]

I find I am my own worst critic, upholding expectations for myself that no one else (love me or don't know I exist) holds. Hang in there, cl. You are doing a good job.

This! Yes, you are doing good. ((hug))

[Chicken lady]

I am doing really good this morning (see hobbies and crafts)

someone bought some of my pottery as a gift. And the giftee liked it enough to think of me when she saw a sales opportunity!

i am a potter. I am creative. I am talented. (I don’t actually believe all of that, but i’m going to keep saying it anyway.)

[Teacher Terry]

CL: it is all true. I admire people that are creative as I am not.

[nswef]

Cl, saying it does make it true! Self talk is vital and positive self talk helps tremendously. I find your tasks overwhelming....and am amazed at all you accomplish.

[SteveinMN]

i am a potter. I am creative. I am talented. (I don’t actually believe all of that, but i’m going to keep saying it anyway.)

Believe it because it's true. That you just sold some work proves it. Are you the only potter on the planet -- or even in your own town? Probably not. Is your work being showcased in art museums? Maybe not. Yet. Are you talented? You just sold pottery to someone who spent discretionary money because he likes its esthetic value. That should carry some weight with you.

As a photographer I am not Ansel Adams or a male Annie Leibovitz. But I take a pretty good picture that doesn’t look like every other photograph other men and women with cameras have taken of similar subjects. I have a few images which have been seen by thousands of people (literally; no exact count but I know where those images were displayed and maybe tens of thousands is not a bad estimate for some of them.) Maybe my name isn't a household name in more than about six households, but I am a photographer.

Don't sell yourself short.

[Chicken lady]

Thank you.

[Chicken lady]

I worked really hard yesterday to accomplish things. I struggled to communicate the feedback I need. It was hard. And ineffective.

today I was draggy, but I think I can get to bed early - I hope I can sleep, and tomorrow I have the store appointment so I can be on for that.

i am pathetically hopeful that she will like my work.

i have been home alone for 13 hours. I was awake alone from 5-6. I need some human interaction, but I need it to be easy. I hid upstairs when the 4h family came to work with the goat. (I locked the house and got in the shower when I saw them pulling in - so at least I took a shower?) I couldn’t face having to talk to the mother.

[Teacher Terry]

CL, I really hope you consider getting professional help. I did at one point about 26 years ago and it made all the difference in the world. We all need help sometimes.

[Chicken lady]

Teacher Terry, I really do hear you and understand what you are saying. But I know just enough to get in my own way (like knowing you have the placebo in a drug trial - you will get no placebo effect) of the potential therapeutic approaches, the two that might be helpful to me are talk therapy and Cbt. Talking here and a few other places is far more helpful to me than a therapist would be because it doesn’t have the added stresses of travel or expense, is conveniently available any time, and I know that people are actually engaging with me voluntarily. That itself is worth more than a therapist.

cbt I understand well enough to not really need a therapist. When I use it and it works, it is helpful. When I don’t, having another person who I get to report my failure to would not be helpful at all. No matter how that person reacted, because I would be paying that person to give me an appropriate reaction.

if, at some point, the people who love me tell me they really think I need drugs, I would be willing to talk to a psychiatrist, but I am really opposed to the drug idea, and no one who sees me regularly is suggesting them. In fact, KNOWING ME, none of the four family members who have/had therapists/psychiatrists have suggested I talk to one.

I had a better discussion with dh about the feedback I need last night. He is very good at comfort and care and helping me treat myself gently when I have a bad day. But I need him to help me celebrate the “better” days in a way more proportionate to the effort rather than his personal feelings about the results. (Translation - remembering to buy lactaid may be more important to him, but it is not more impressive than contacting the classroom outreach person about fall programs, and I need him to acknowledge the progress that I made in having that interaction even though he couldn’t care less about fall programs.) (fall programs will be out in July, btw, in case you were wondering )

dd have me a pep talk last night about taking my stuff to the store today. I need to remember that i am there because somebody liked my work enough to think this woman should sell it, and if she doesn’t want to sell it “well then, that’s her mistake, you can’t force her to make money.”

i did not not eat ice cream at bedtime last night. I did not get to bed as early as I wanted because I realized it wasn’t dark yet and I can’t sleep when it’s light out. Then when it did get dark, it took me over 20 minutes to get ready for bed. But I didn’t eat ice cream, and I brushed my teeth.